A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been going out for 9 months...we started going out sept.7, 2009 and its now June.30, 2010... Back in Feburary he decided to throw a small party when his mother was away and get drunk...( one girl and 4 guys) well they all decide to take turns and have sex with this girl. (including him). Right after having sex with this girl hecalls me on the phone when everyone still there and have a normal conversation. About a week later hes on the phone telling me that That night he got drunk and had sex with her and she could end up pregnant. -Do you think that he would of ever told me if there wasnt a possibility she could be pregnant?Well after that we break up for anout 4 days and hes telling me that im throwing 5 months of a relationship away because he made a mistake and because he got drunk. And if he could take it back he would.-was it stupid for me to break up with him?I felt like i couldnt trust him but i gave him a second chance. Even when people bring it up and i get mad and he tells me to tell him whats wrong and i tell him the fact people keep bringing it up he just say "look i know i made a mistake but you really need to get over it, i didnt have to tell you i cheated on you, i told you i was drunk", and that "it hurts me when you keep bringing it up, and i was drunk i didnt know what i was doing". i know i should get over it but i just cant, and its been 4 months. Not only that but he still call other girls shawty and sexy and beautiful infront of me.-should i trust him now?-do you think he would do it again?I love this guy with all my heart and i dont know if i have the strength to leave him. He told me to trust him with my heart but when i did, he treated it like it was unimportant, and he complains that im not open enough with him.-how can i be?He says that he loves me and he wants a future with me but i just dont know if i could ever get over this.-what should i do?
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female
reader, loraemoon  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 hunny get rid hes not worth it no cheat is if he really loved you or thought anything of you at all he would never of even thought about cheating let alone do it! you deserve much better
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): get rid of the cheater. only 17 yet wrecking havoc and destruction in his path. you will be a fool to continue with him.
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A
male
reader, theff +, writes (3 July 2010):
My answer would have to be that being drunk is no excuse for cheating. I've had a lot of drunken nights in my dayand never once cheated, not that the opportunity wasn't there, but I was in a relationship and thats just not the type of person I am. If he did it when he was drunk that means in all likelihood he would do it sober. No you don't need to get over it. I've been cheated on a time or two, and I'm still not over it. Find somebody with a better head on his shoulders and a little more self control.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Yes, you are being naive. This guy is a creep. He may be a goodlooking, handsome, charming creep, but he's still a creep. A cheat, a manipulator, a control freak. He views girls as sexual commodities. You may have the been the girl he took home to mama, but the fact remains: he's a loser.
Unless you like a lot of drama, STDs and jealousy, drop this guy. He is not a quality person.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): Your too young to be with a cheater. Gang bang? that is disgusting.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 I agree with CaringGuy 100%
This guy sounds like really bad news. His behavior, his lack of remorse, and the way he's trying to emotionally manipulate you. All serious warning signs.
Stay away from him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): CaringGuy has it sewn up...
1. He's a CHEAT regardless of who, what, how he ended up having sex with this girl.
2. You don't ever mention WHY you weren't invited to this party if it was so innocent, and they just fell into this sordid situation.
2. He could have walked away and said he wanted no part of it, but he didn't he stayed ( drunk or not ) NO EXCUSE and joined in. That is hardly behaviour of a young man with morals and standards, apart from the fact he has a girlfriend too.
There are plenty of young men who get intoxicated but they do not behave like your boyfriend. Are you sure you really want a boyfriend who queues up to have sex with girl with other guys - this is NOT, he met a girl, and said " hey she blew me way, I fell for her, I'm so , so sorry etc" even that you would have to THINK very hard if you wanted to give him another chance, but in this case, your boyfriends case, it is NOTHING whatsoever like that. This is an inexcusable action, he should, along with the other boys be held responsible for.
You have to do what you feel is right for you though!
Jilly x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 July 2010):
1 - I'm afraid you are being naive. If she came up with the idea, and he consented, then he knew what he was doing because she must have said something.
2 - His friends are lying that he's been faithful, because he's cheated.
3 - So what if he introduced you to his mother? He still cheated.
- Stop wasting your life with this guy. He'll do it again. And next time probably give you an STD.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your Advice and Comments but many of you have the story wrong, i guess i was not explaining clearly. He had invited other girls but only 2 came, and one had to go home... That girl that had sex with all the guys was the one who came up with the idea, and yes she consented to it. He is 17. He looked at me in my eyes and said to me " i never meant to hurt you like that, and it hurts me to know that i did". but then when weeks past and i was still upset thats when he told me i need to get over it. Also...
He put me on a 3 way with his friend when he was apologizing and asked me if i was going to break up with him. He knows that i would never say yes because his friend was on, but his friend made a joke about me leaving him for cheating and i laughed, and he got so mad and said "i guess it was funny when i had sex with that other bitch huh?" and his friend said he was going to far.
Now he calls me all the time and stays on the phone with me all day and somedays hes too busy to talk, and he seems different and he tells me he wants to spend my life with me.
-Am i being nieve (however you spell it)?
-Does this change any of your opinions about him, and after knowing that the girl consented to it and she wasnt the only one there?
- Many of his friends tell me that hes being faithful to me, should i believe them?
-He gets mad when other guys talk to me or when i talk to them, but he has plenty girls he talks to he even still looks at them and says stuff like baby abd shawty, when he know si dont liike it, is that fair?
-last, Im the only girl hes ever introduced to his mom, and his moms bf and his close friends, does that change anything?
Sorry my story is so long and its taking up your time, but i just need answers.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Given the circumstances of alcohol and minors, I think there could be enough for what happened to qualify as statutory rape, if not full rape and sexual assault. Who was drunk, to what point, what level of consent, who provided the alcohol, who had want intent for the get together, and the ages of those involved all make this a very complicated situation.
With all that said, I am sure that if you continue to associate with him, he is likely going to host another party with 3-4 of his buddies and this time, you will be the only girl to attend. Evidentially, he certainly has no issues with sharing.
-Frank
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): Unbelievable, disgusting, intentional misuse of another human being to fulfil some utterly sick ' Gang-rape ' by all four boys.
Party...how many party's do you know where it's just one girl and four boys??? I know you are young, but you seem bright and sensible, and this boy is NOT worthy of you at all, or any female. He planned for this you can be sure, and none of them used protection, they used that poor girl like some receptacle and then just carried on as if nothing had happened.
He is a thoroughly despicable human being, and trust me, if he's done this once, or the once you know about, he's likely to repeat the experience. Boys, men just don't behave like this as a normal way of hanging out with friends, it doesn't just happen by accident, he's unlikely to change as he gets older, and next time the poor girl may not even be drunk to numb herself of the whole sordid, situation.
Being drunk is NO excuse, all being drunk means, you're MORE able to do the things you want to do when sober - and how do you know he was drunk, it was probably only that poor girl. I so hope she has someone to talk to, as it is a dreadful experience for her.
DUMP HIM as soon as possible - never have anything more to do with him or those other boys..please!
Jilly x
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female
reader, loraemoon +, writes (1 July 2010):
hun sorry but no dont trust someone that has cheated on you it will always affect your relationship, your be wondering if hes doing it again,and to be honest he will do it again, he doesent sound very sorry for what he has done and if he loved you he would never of done it in the first place,
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): If a little alcohol is all it takes to turn him into a gangbanging retard and a cheater, he is not worth knowing or remembering.
Flynn 24
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (1 July 2010):
When I read answers like the ones below, I thank DearCupid for being on the Internet. To the poster, you should listen carefully to what everyone has said.This guy you are seeing is seriously bad news and you should stay well away if you care about yourself. Move on sweetie, it will be easier than you think it is and then you can but this tragic horrible incident in the past.
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male
reader, Yos +, writes (1 July 2010):
This is really horrible. That poor girl: I agree that this was rape. Gang rape in fact. And if the age you have stated is correct, well then I'm just sick to my stomach.
You must realize this is really really wrong? I hope to God you do.
Get away from this guy and his friends as fast as possible. Before you end up drunk out of your head and being gang raped too. DO NOT TRUST HIM OR HIS FRIENDS.
And if you know this girl, please check that she is ok. She may well be suffering really badly after this. This is a crime, they should probably go on trial. In this case you may be the witness that can prove what they did. She may need you.
One other thing: if you can, I think you should tell your parents what happened. It sounds like these boys have no remorse at all, please do what you can to stop them doing anything like this again.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (1 July 2010):
 I fully agree with 'TasteofIndia' below. Let me give a more pointed resposne (and I'm going to apologize for being frank here)
1. Do you think that he would of ever told me if there wasnt a possibility she could be pregnant
It's very unlikely. Men never confess to being part of gangbangs to their significant others. I speak from personal experience.
2. Was it stupid for me to break up with him?
No, and you should have stayed broken-up.
3. Should i trust him now?
Not for a moment.
4. Do you think he would do it again?
Do another gangbang? Depends on whether he enjoyed this one. Cheat on you? Almost certainly. Any man who uses drunkenness as an excuse for actually going ALL THE WAY with another woman is going to do it again.
5. How can i be?
In the circumstances, you can't and it's nobody's fault but his own.
6. What should i do?
You're better off single than with this creep. What else is there to say?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 July 2010):
He and three other guys invited one girl to a party. They wanted to use her, and the fact is the drink had nothing to do with it. They all wanted to use her and they did. All of them. They didn't even use protection, so she could be pregnant, or worse still they now could all have an STD that could be passed on to you by him. Then to top it off, he says this.
"Look, I know you did wrong but you need to get over it".
What a shit!
He used this girl, he will use you. He meant to cheat with her, or he wouldn't have invited just her and three other guys. He didn't use protection, so could have spread a disease, meaning you could have caught something from him. He doesn't' care at all that he's cheated and just expects you to get over him.
Seriously, have nothing to do with him. He'll just do it again, and next time he might catch HIV or something like that. And then you'll catch it. You can do so much better than this disgusting liar.
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A
male
reader, dyeruz +, writes (1 July 2010):
You are very, very young, the fact is this was not a mistake and he's not doing you a favour by telling you, it was wrong full stop, now the trust between you has gone. It is not your job to get over this, that can only happen if he's truly sorry and commits himself to you totally but then again you're very young and the fact that such a young person can have a party with four guys and a girl get her drunk and take turns to have sex with her tells me this is not a guy who values you or the girl he and his friends were having sex with. He only told you because the truth would have come out anyway because they don't know who the father is,which means they had sex without a condom opening ou up to the risk of disease. Is this really the person you want to be with? Good luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): For what I see you're really young. Even if you think it is, you should't see this guy as the love of your life. It can happen to meet the right person at that age, but if it was the right one, it wouldn't treat a woman like he did (I'm talking about the woman he cheated you with). Move over, the world it's full of caring and repsectful people :-)
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female
reader, ruby buttons +, writes (1 July 2010):
 i agree whole heartly with taste of india he is a scumbag you are young and you dont wantot settle with a boy who treats girls like that!
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female
reader, darkeyedgirl +, writes (1 July 2010):
Omfg. This is NOT the way someone who loves you should treat yo. You need to love YOURSELF and demand a little more respect. The person who loves you should see you and treat you as none other than a goddess.I know what it's like to get cheated on by someone you would die for. Nothing hurts more.But this guy sounds like douche and a retard. He should know way better than to keep seeing that girl, and especially than to refer to her with such blatant terms of endearment.It sounds like he wants to be with you because you will have him.Tell him to take a hike.
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female
reader, QZ +, writes (1 July 2010):
 Any guy who's going to get drunk and then not be responsible about it is not worth your time. He CHOSE to drink until he was drunk. If he wanted to be blameless he shouldn't have been drinking AT ALL. He's guilting you by saying all these things, and that isn't fair of him.You're young, and still have plenty of time to find love. I think it's best to move on to someone else who WON'T be drinking and having sex behind your back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): After takeing advantage of that young girl he is capable of anything drunk or not. Leave him for good, girl you will find someone new.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010): dump him. Being drunk is not an excuse. Ever. Ive seen alot of guys in relationships get hit on, grabbed, etc, and the ones worth anything always turn them down and leave. They'd rather keep their relationship then cheat. Your bf sounds like a real piece of work. Leave him before he cheats on you again (if he hasn't already) and before he hurts you in any other way. How can you possibly trust someone who would allow a bunch of guys to have sex with a lone girl, let alone do it himself? Do you even know if the girl consented?! He's even trying to turn this back on you so that you feel bad about not trusting him! He's a jerk. You can do so much better. Any guy worth being with will never cheat, and certainly wouldn't use the excuse 'i was drunk and didnt know what i was doing' he was able to call you. He remembered doing it. He was not drunk enough to 'not know what he was doing' leave the idiot before he breaks your heart even more
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 July 2010):
 I'm sorry, maybe this is just me, but any guy who participates in taking turns having sex (taking advantage) of a drunk girl in a bad situation is NOT a guy you want to be with. That poor girl, and what a bunch of shitbag guys.
Your boyfriend has to be young if he's still partying behind adults backs. And if he's your age (13-15?), well my GOD is he going to grow up to be a real piece of work. I'd break up with him because he's a jerk, a cheater and someone who feels okay about banging a young, drunk, vulnerable girl. Not to mention, without protection.
Stay away from this guy. Maybe he loves you, but that love is weak and pathetic. He may do it again - being drunk is not an excuse... you can still make decisions (albeit, not very good ones) while intoxicated, and if he uses that as an excuse to cheat - who knows what the next excuse will be.
Dump him and don't look back. Sweetness, you will not regret it. Good luck!!
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