A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:They say that beautiful people are less happy later in life…I hide behind my looks because the truth is, I’ve got low self-confidence. In fact, I have never truly believed I’m super attractive but with the right attention to myself (personal care, makeup…), I get lots of attention and compliments. It’s become addictive.Now that I’m pregnant and put on 30 lbs., I’m starting to realize how depressed yet relieved I am without my body the way it was and I realize how much I depended on my appearance to hide the fact that I feel insecure in other ways. I liked how being attractive drew people to me because otherwise I’m a shy person who doesn’t open up. I don’t show a lot of emotion. When you’re pretty, people want to be your friend or they automatically seem to respect you a little more. They assume you’ve got your life together and that you’ve got something to offer. It’s not that I don’t have things to offer, but it takes a lot longer for people to become aware of it.Now that I’m pregnant and not the same, I feel lonely. Maybe I’m not as fun to hang out with because I can’t go party and drink. I’ve stopped caring so much to put in that extra attention into looking great. I realize how much I crave just being loved and appreciated for who I am. I’m reaching a new stage in my life and want to shed my insecurities. I’m tired of hiding behind a façade that my life is always great and I never get lonely. Whether it’s spending too much time trying to look perfect or what have you, I know if I really want to be happy in life, I need to fix the one thing I’m always trying to cover up or pretend doesn’t exist—my low self-confidence. Any ideas on how to start?Thanks.
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female
reader, jvjvjvjv  +, writes (1 July 2010):
Being pregnant is a very short phase in a woman's life, and a very beautiful one at that, despite often feeling really groggy! You may have put on 30lbs, but you are carrying a baby and your body is singlehandedly giving that baby everything that it needs. Please do not see that weight gain as a negative - it is essential! Also, I'm guessing you don't already have other children but once baby is born your life will have a completely different rhythm. You may find you gain confidence by being a mum (I know I did), or you may find you are so in love with your new purpose in life that your appearance or issues of confidence are a secondary concern, and you will also find that with a little bit of effort you can go back to looking how you did if you think it's important that you do.
I had a similar situation to yours, and the attention I had once received similarly disappeared. However, a baby makes you see life differently, it makes you grow as a person. You will have some (ok many!) sleepless nights but you WILL get to socialise again. And you will make new friends as a new mum - and who knows where those friendships will lead? Above all, you may just find that you have moved on in terms of who you are and what you want. So be good to yourself and enjoy this amazing new phase in your life.
Best of luck. x
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