A
female
age
36-40,
*ittykatt988
writes:So last year my partner cheated so let me just start from there. Last April we were having difficultys in our relationship and we grew distant although we remained intimate and had sex things seemed off with us. Following that we had a night out he told me he had cheated on me for two weeks with a mural friend and he said they got on better than we ever had. The next day after a long argument whilst drunk he apologized and he said he was gutted about things and I asked if he had really slept with her he said no. Deep down I knew this was t true but I got over it and moved on and he has been amazing this past year and we have since had our son. I don't know what it was that triggered in my head post Nate blues but I decided to read his Facebook messages but I was looking for her name nothing else and there it was. The evidence I needed to truely say he had been with her in there was discussions about there sex together. Them arranging to meet up and how much they enjoyed each others company. Ignorance is bliss because I'm devastated. I decided to message her and she confirmed it she also told me he had asked her for more and she said no. He said he did it drunk and she said that too. Now I feel like he stayed with me because she didn't want him. He lied to me for a year, he said he told me he didn't have sex with her because he loved me and didn't want to loose me because he realised what he had done. He's told me everything we have talked but I'm still not satisfied I want to get over it and move on but I don't feel like I can I'm second best. He also said that it just happened and he never ment to hurt me. I could accept a one night stand but sneaking about saying he was staying with his make friend after his nights out knowing he was going to be with her is gut wrenching. Help how can I overcome these feelings it's been a year a lot has changed our relationship is better I seem to be making myself worse.
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cheated on me, drunk, facebook, move on, one night stand Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (8 June 2012):
 If you feel he is being honest and he is doing everything in his power to make up for cheating, then I would drop it. But, if you are like me, the question will always be there in your mind over whether he will do it again. That is a hard situation to be in because you feel yourself constantly in limbo. It all comes down to if you really love and want to be with him or you feel as if you can't trust him anymore.
A
female
reader, Kittykatt988 +, writes (7 June 2012):
Kittykatt988 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo add I think he had forgotten about there conversation on Facebook or he would have deleted it I would assume x
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A
female
reader, Kittykatt988 +, writes (7 June 2012):
Kittykatt988 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCandycane he has only cheated once, and I agree Facebook has caused extra problems. I shouldn't have been snooping but then again he shouldn't have had anything to hide. There's always room for change. I know he won't do it again the problem now is really with me. Moving on
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 June 2012):
I agree with the others. Have an honest conversation with him and stay off Facebook! Facebook has caused more trouble with my friends and family than I care to admit. Deal with people and ask questions directly. I would ask why he has this stuff on Facebook because it hurts you to read it. Really, I can't figure out why people post on there anyway...they have to be really lonely to feel the need to post their entire personal lives on the internet.
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A
female
reader, Kittykatt988 +, writes (7 June 2012):
Kittykatt988 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEverything is already out in the open and we Have already talked about it. I just feel like I'm making it worse now because I can't drop it. He's be nothing but honest about it since I confronted him. He told me he wasn't happy with the way the relationship was then once he slept with her drunk just continued it because she wa an escape from the bickering.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (7 June 2012):
I think the only way you can move on from this is to have an honest conversation with him and insist that you both get everything out in the open. This means that you will have to confront him with the evidence. Explain that lying about the cheating has hurt you, and ask him to tell you what really happened, whether it’s over or not, and how he feels about this relationship. Tell him that this is important for you to move on as a couple and as a family, so be honest. Tell him that, in order to move forward, you need to make a fresh start, so if he hasn’t already done so, he should cut all contact with this woman, and delete the messages. (Although as a side note hacking in to some-one’s Facebook is never a good idea either so if you have each other’s passwords, change them so you can’t do this again, otherwise you won’t learn how to trust each other).
Ask him to be honest about what the problems were in the relationship that were making him unhappy, and agree how you will work through them. Also agree a better way to deal with any problems in the future, and a way that either of you can raise them. There is no excuse for cheating, but if he was trying to escape something, if you’ve not worked out a better way to work through your issues you’ll struggle to convince yourself that he’s not going to do it again. Then finally, you need to work hard to think about the present and future, and not look back. You can’t bring his past up in an argument, or not try to trust him because of his past mistakes. This is going to take a lot of work on both sides, but you’ll need to do this to move the relationship on and put this cheating in the past. Whether your relationship survives will depend on whether he can be honest, and whether you are able to rebuild the trust. Following these steps will give you the best chance.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Candycane1234 +, writes (7 June 2012):
 Sorry but once a cheater always a cheater, you gave him so he did it again.
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