A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me an my x broke up 3 months ago. I have never heard off him since. I did cheat on him, but i was drunk and it meant nothing. He changed his number. He cannot love me like i thought because he would have wanted to sort our problems out. Is it time to let go? Do you think he's a loser?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): You may be a borderline narcissist. No he is not a loser. What has he lost that is of any value?
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (27 December 2011):
After reading all the responses, I'm just beating a dead horse, but no, he is not a loser.You clearly wronged him by having sex with someone else, even if it "meant nothing" and even if you were drunk. The fact still exists that you cheated on him and betrayed his trust.What did you expect to happen? That he'd come back to you and say "You cheated on me, but I love you, so let's make this work"? I'm sorry, but love is just like trust, it is EARNED. And though he may have loved you before, you have gone against that love and hurt him. Don't be surprised if he doesn't want to speak to you again.I may sound livid, but that's only because you don't seem to have a strand of guilt for cheating on him, which is a little twisted. Please sort out your priorities and leave your ex alone so he can move on from this mess.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2011):
 Your X broke up with you because you CHEATED. Being DRUNK is no excuse for bad behavior. You will NOT do things against your moral compass even when drunk. So morally you felt that cheating on the man you loved (or thought/said you loved) was acceptable behavior. He did not. Cheating regardless of when or how it happened is a deal breaker for some. Clearly it was for your ex-boyfriend.He changed his number and wants no contact with you… contrary to what you think, to me this says that he loved you very much and you hurt him so deeply that he can’t BEAR any contact with you and he knows you would try so he did everything in his power to avoid the pain of you BEGGING him to take you back, knowing that he would/could not.It is very much time for you to let him go. I do not think in any way shape or form HE is a loser. IF anything I think you lost out on a good man.. A moral man… a man of high standards and expectations.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (27 December 2011):
 Out of the two of you its not him thats the loser....You cheated, broke the trust and messed things up and he is doing the best thing he can which is cut you off so he can move on. Best thing you can do is let him and move on yourself.If you dont want to end up in the same situation again then I suggest not drinking so much you would cheat on someone you want to be with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011): You cheated, and this is the deal breaker for him. Good on him that he has self respect and does not want to take you back. I dont think you feel totally sorry for your actions by the fact you are calling him the loser. Eh! that name usually applies to people who have lost something they wanted, and he no longer wants you, therefore he is not a loser. Move on. You are the only one who stuffed this up. To cheat means there was something in this relationship that wasnt working for you or you wouldnt of, even when drunk thought of jumping into bed with someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011): You say you cheated on him when you were drunk and it meant nothing. But it obviously hurt him deeply. It was a betrayal of trust. Some can forgive that sort of thing, some can't. He's not a loser. The moral is don't risk a relationship that matters to you for just a moment's foolishness.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 December 2011):
Hi there. I guess it really depends on what you broke up over, doesn't it?
Was it something big or something really trivial?
Or, was it because you cheated on him and he felt he could never trust you again?
I'm assuming he knew that you cheated on him, at the time of the breakup.
If there has been no word from him since the breakup and he has changed his mobile number, well then there is very little you can do - unless he changes his mind.
Some people just can't move past the situation of a cheating partner, because there is always some lingering doubt.
Perhaps he is one of those people who can't forgive you for that happening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011): Yes it is time to let go. No I don't think he is a loser at all. You cheated on him, being drunk or it meaning nothing to you is no excuse for breaking his trust and hurting him. You have proven to him that you cannot be trusted, and by thinking he is a loser because he has enough respect for himself to realise he deserves better than being cheated on only shows that he can't trust you. I am sorry for being so harsh, but I am being honest. How could he sort out the problems in the relationships if your still making excuses for what you did and not taking responsibility to admit you did the wrong thing. It may not have meant anything to you, but it obviously meant a lot to him. The thing is you say he cannot love you like you thought he did, he is thinking that because you cheated you obviously didn't love him the way he thought you did. Learn from this situation and next time you ahve a boyfriend don't cheat on him. It's time to let go, he has made his decision and you need to respect that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011): Obviously you cheating on him meant something to him! He got rid of you. Probably wants nothing to do with you. Move on. And no he is not a loser
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (27 December 2011):
 Hi, Nope he isn't a loser. Thing is, with humans in general, there are some humans who know what they can tolerate and what they can't. What they are willing to forgive and what they can't forgive. Your ex seems to be pretty sure what he is willing to deal with here. You have cheated on him, and although it meant nothing to you, to him it was a betrayal of trust and in a way something very dishonest that you did. He KNOWS it is not something that he can forgive or deal with and even work on because the hurt,anger,intolerance is so deep rooted.Because he hurts so much, it means you meant alot to him.So yes, I think you should let go and move on a more sensible person not to ever cheat on someone again.Unfortunately, you need to bear the consequences of your actions. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the full view of it right there.Next time, exercise some self control and be mindful of how you feel right now.Ana
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A
female
reader, feralfox +, writes (27 December 2011):
My mother used to say, "A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts." As someone who makes really bad decisions when I drink, I definitely stand by this quote. You said that the cheating didn't mean anything, but as an outside perspective I think it does. If you cared about him you would have wrote something more like "I hurt him so much, I don't know how to go about contacting him or establishing his trust again". You would have worded your question differently. You would not be asking us if he is a "loser". Dumping a cheater and moving on doesn't make someone a "loser". It means he has a lot of self respect and integrity, and was scared to risk trusting you again.What exactly have you done to try and repair this rift? Have you really tried? Have you really TRULY tried? or are you just scared to be alone right now and falling back on this man?I am sorry if this is harsh, OP. Afterall, you did not give many details and maybe I am jumping to conclusions. Please give more details if I am making big assumptions. But I think you should let this man go, because it has been three months and everyone has the right to move on when they choose, especially after your partner cheats on you. If your feelings are sincere, perhaps you could contact a mutual friend and try to find out his address. You could send him a heartfelt letter. That way you are not infringing on his privacy, but still allowing a pathway to communication.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (27 December 2011):
I think at the moment any honest answer given to you may either fall on deaf ears or provoke anger. As for now just call him a loser,jerk,a waste of sperm,dick head, etc.
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