A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So me and my boyfriend have been going out for a really long time now, he tells me he loves me, he's always there for me and we both feel that we're practically perfect for each other, we've been friends ever since we were 4 years old but as years gone by I started liking him so then we started going out. I understand that he has friends and all but every single day he hangs out with them plus he hangs out with other girls that live around that neighborhood but I don't think he likes them or that he would cheat on me, so he barely has time for me.A couple of days ago, me, him and two of his friends went to the fair together but while we were there at first he was really sweet, he kept holding my hand, he shared food with me, he even won me prizes and kept trying to buy me stuff but when we got on one specific ride, the ride said the largest person has to sit on the left side so him and his friends told me that I was fat so that I should be sitting on the left side but at the end of the ride they wanted to ride it again so i was like ok cool let's ride it but once they got on they said that they were going to ride by themselves without me and my boyfriend agreed so i went by myself and when the ride was over my boyfriend came over and said sorry for leaving me alone and he wouldn't do it again but now i'm wondering if I should forgive him for leaving me and for calling me fat or should I rethink our relationship status? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2010):
 For Syrop, jokingly calling someone fat is something girls don't take well. That's like jokingly telling a guy he has a small dick. It can give that person a complex. If the OP is indeed skinny she may still not think she is..she looks in the mirror and sees flabby arms, a poochy belly, and a wide rear. She may be battling an eating disorder. So if you were indeed skinny but still were insecure about yourself and thought you were to be fat, then your boyfriend calls you fat would you not be upset? Her boyfriend could be one of those toothpick skinny guys and she could indeed still be a size 4 which is still thin. So is it right to still call her fat?
I guess you fail to understand that, when you call someone fat it's not nice. People who are fat know they're fat, they don't need someone to state the obvious. Girls who are insecure about their weight and think they're fat when they aren't don't need to be called fat.
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (4 November 2010):
As a guy, I know how your friends can change your attitude. A guy has a "social status" to keep up with, even around his friends. Do you notice this often? Are his actions when you're alone and when you're with his friends radically different? They're going to be a little different, because there are definitely more intimate things that wouldn't be said with friends around, but does he actually treat you different?
He was most likely just showing off to his friends. Like I said, males like to keep up their "image" with their friends. That's why guys bully other people in packs. If you stick up to the pack, you're then at risk of being ridiculed by the pack, so you just keep your head down and go along with it. This herd mentality is normal, but that doesn't mean its okay.
I'm sure its something he would have never said to you in person; its more something he went along with as his friends acted like jerks. You need to talk to him and tell him you didn't appreciate it. The more you hold it in, the more its going to build up and hurt you. Just let it out; tell him he was out of line. If he agrees, tell him you'd appreciate it more if he started sticking up for you in front of his friends.
Its harder than you think for a guy to speak against his friends. But once he knows how you feel, I bet he'll be a lot more willing to call them out for being jerks and defend you when they get out of line.
Sometimes guys do stupid things to have a fun time. Don't take it personally, but still make it clear to him that you're not okay with it.
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A
female
reader, syrop  +, writes (4 November 2010):
@tennisstar.
I would feel bad Only he meant it. now as for the poster if i was in her place n IF i was fat i would surely feel embarrassed but if i know am not fat then why should i? it MAYBE that his boyfriend was joking with him and not seriously meant it but the poster took it wrongly. we should not consider only this one things he did as if we considered other positive points of the boy :- ''how he shower his love upon her '' and so on...it shows he loves her.
also one can joke with someone he is close to :- his love else with whom???
now am not a lie dectector or whatever to tell her whats right and whats wrong. it was just an advice to her that she should see the positive sides as well not only dwell in the negative ones
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 I have a question, did he actually say "you are fat"? Or did he say you are the largest person? And by that, what do you think yourself? Are you the largest person in that group? Did you feel it was hurtful, or just being honest. It is never good to be singled out though, but why did that happen?
How do you feel about yourself and your weight, do you feel you are NOT the largest person in that group? Weight is always a tricky question, but if it wasn't you it'd had to be someone else who would have been the largest, and they would get called the same in this situation?
I do not think it was right to single you out at all though. As for the word "fat" it can be used to put someone down, but it can also be used unbiased. If someone is overweight they know so themselves, and not to be rue but I don't see why we should close our eyes to it and pretend it's not true.
Again, if he is your boyfriend and is sweet and loving to you and you describe it like you have a great relationship, I find it hard to see how he could suddenly get so rude? Does he change when he is around his friends, or did the words just come out the wrong way? Or was it his friends that said you were fat, and he just never gathered up the guts to defend you?
I think you should talk to your boyfriend about this and figure out how the situation is and what he truly thinks about you. It sounds like you have an otherwise good relationship that you are content and happy with, so it would be worth it to try and solve this problem. Definitely talk to him about it and let him know this is not ok.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2010):
@ Syrop....so how would you feel if your boyfriend and his friends called you fat?You're telling me you would take no offense to that? Calling someone fat is meant is a derogatory way, there's nothing nice about it. I'm sure the OP is not fat. This is not a "rule of the game" it was him and his friends mocking her. Correction he apologized for leaving her to ride the ride by herself..He DID NOT apologize for calling her fat. He is in the wrong, not the poster, the only issue the poster may have is a complex about her weight which is her boyfriend's fault. Read the post carefully, before you point your finger at the poster.
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A
female
reader, syrop +, writes (4 November 2010):
No i don't think your boyfriend is wrong. you yourself have seen how good he has been towards you and as for trust its only You who can know about it. he call you fat but i think he did not mean it. mayB Compared to his friends you are fat. mayB he asked you to sit on the left to ensure your safety. its just for your well being girl. it was one of the rules of the game and he just followed it. and also he said he was SORRY. its a great thing for a boy to say sorry to a girl.
there's nothing wrong in what he did. its just YOU who is making an issue out of it
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2010):
What a minute, he apologized for deserting you but didn't apologize for calling you fat? Let alone make his friends apologize for calling you fat?
How dare he! That would give some girls a complex for the rest of their life..It could cause you to develop an eating disorder. That's like confirming what you already think you see in the mirror.
To me it looks like his friends, girls in the neighborhood come before you. He hangs out with them everyday so how much time does he really spend with you, minus the friends? A good boyfriend who loves you wouldn't dare call you fat. Not to mention he wouldn't allow his friends to say such a thing..Also he didn't think he needed apologize for calling you that either. Rethink this relationship very carefully because you're NOT getting treated fairly.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 November 2010):
I think this boyfriend of yours made a decision. He chose to call you fat, then along with his friends chose to desert you. Sit down by yourself and think very carefully as to whether you can be bothered with him, because this is something that will haunt you a bit. You should also sit and think about other aspects of your relationship. To me, this strikes of a guy who isn't really a full boyfriend, but more of a casual one who is more into his friends. Think about the relationship, and decide whether he's truly good enough for a second chance. Bear in mind that this guy deserted you for his friends, and allowed his friends to mock you. Not good enough.
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