A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am very confused about my current relationship. my partner of 3 years has become very distant and more secretive over the last few months,today he asked me if i still wanted him, i was pretty shocked by this as i havent given him any reason to suggest otherwise. he then said i had been flirting on line and then showed me a txt mssg he received last week suggesting i was fooling around from an unknown number, i love my partner a great deal and would never hurt him, yet i feel he trying to set me up as i dont hang out with anyone or go out with anyone except him. why would he do this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): He seems to be unhappy. Its so easy to believe if youre ok then so is everything and everyone else. My thoughts here,are more based on your lack of thought. How would you react under these circumstances? Let him go. You clearly dont care about his unhappy frame of mind.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): In asking you if you still wanted him sounds very much that he wanted you.Generally,if you could forget about yourself for one minute you might find an answer. You sound very much like you havent an ounce of sympathy for anyone outside yourself.If he`s been secretive,its probably fear of a negative reaction.Why has he accused you of flirting online? Accusations like this dont come out of the blue.Have you proved otherwise? Put things right quickly,although being shocked because he asked you if you still wanted him shows a lack of concern for him.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 Nobody really knows what he's thinking. These questions need to be looked at from both sides. Sit down and talk with him. Find out what's wrong and why he has his doubts. You have to be willing to look in the mirror too. Don't let anybody tell you it's this way or that way. We don't know his version of the story.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): If he`s accused you of flirting online?what has he seen? (Usually there is no smoke without fire). If he wanted a way out then he would simply walk.We are only hearing one side of the story.This is before even mentioning the text.He`s obviously upset,but you sound a tad bit selfish to think about how he`s feeling.Has it occured to you why he`s being distant? He`s even being judged for asking if you still want him. Well,poor you,youre so hard done to.
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A
female
reader, Tanyas247  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 I agree with both answers. Sometimes when people are not being honest, they accuse others of doing what they themselves feel guilty about. After 3 years of a secure relationship, it is very odd that he would suddenly find doubts in you. If he is being unfaithful, he might try to blame you for the same and end it by making you feel it is your fault. He might rather do this than be honest, so I would put him on the spot if I was you. I know it is difficult, and nobody ever wants to confront the idea of their partner cheating, but there is an issue here that needs to be discussed. If he is truly nervous about you being unfaithful, all fears will be calmed if you talk about it. If he explodes or acts strangely, you'll know it's time for a change.
Best of Luck
Tanya
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 January 2007):
 Something's not right here but I don't think the problem lies with you, it lies with HIM! If you know you haven't been flirting online then tell him that. Let him watch you when you're on the PC and tell him to call that number if it puts his mind at ease. It sounds to be though as if he is thinking of calling it a day. The only way to find out for sure is to sit down with him and have a good heart to heart with him. Let him know how YOU feel about him to reassure him then ask HIM to be honest with you and ask how he feels. Three years is quite a long time so you know him pretty well. Stay off the computer so he has no excuses any more and watch his behaviour carefully in the next couple of weeks. Does he come in later than normal? Does he tell you where he's been? Are you still intimate with one another? These are all clues to him being unfaithful or at least that there's something wrong in the relationship. Talking about both your concerns is the best way to find out if there really is a problem.
I wish you well.
Eve
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (30 January 2007):
 His trust in you has been dented by this anonymous text message but you have to make him see that there's no way you're with anyone else. Ask him to trust you and give it some time and see what happens. If he is using it as an out and you ask him to trust you he'll focus on something else and then you'll know.
CD
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