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female
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anonymous
writes: I am madly in love with a married man I work with and I don't know what to do. We were having an affair for two months, and I fell in love with him and told him this. He said that he felt the same but that he would never leave his wife for me, and I said I was ok with that, although I really wasn't. When it started I was with my b/f of three and a half years, but I left him because I didn't love him anymore and had stronger feelings for this other guy. However about a month ago my ex found out about the affair and told this other guys wife. He stayed with her, and I found out from his wife that they had been trying for a baby at the time. A few people at work found out, and I lost a good friend because of it. However now things are almost back to normal at work and it is almost as if nothing happened. I don't speak to my ex at all now. I was kind of seing another guy but I realised that I was using him to get over the married man and so finished it. The problem is that I have realised that I am still in love with the married man, and I think he still has feelings for me. We hadn't talked since everything happened but yesterday we were emailing each other all afternoon and it was great, like it used to be. I really do love him...what do I do?
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affair, at work, fell in love, I work with, married man, my ex, trying for a baby Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): Hi,I am in this same situation now... i have been seeing a Police Officer for nearly a year. I am single, he has a partner. His partner has two kids from her previous relationship. He says he doesn't love her and we don't get to spend time together cos she goes mad if he's late in from work and she wont let him go anywhere apart from work without her. He said he'd love to leave her but he'd have nothing if he left her. He really does seem to like me but again he's prob just using me to. But i love him so much and can't think of anything but him, when i know he prob doesnt think of me at all.He always waits for me to text and phone him and if i dont he gets in a mood so i dont know what to think.He is perfect for me cos he's like a part time fella.... cos i get bored with any fella after a few months.But we did end it a few months ago but then he came running back and i was stupid enough to go through it again but it sounds silly but i'd rather we be the way we are than not have him at all. I wish i'd never of met him and i wish i was strong enough to say no but i really do love him!!All i can say is it's up to you.... But you'd be better off out of it,(in the long run) as i would be but i'm not strong enough. Anyway i hope you make the right choice and sort it out.xxxx
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (15 May 2006):
 This is a right mess. I know you say you love him, but do you love yourself? If you did why would you be happy to be the "other" woman in a relationship. This man is married and it seems to me like he is not as into you as you are into him. He is married and trying to start a family and I think you are just going to be a hindrance to him. You need to break off this thing you have going on with this married man, its not healthy. You are being used and I really dont understand why you are letting him to it to you. You are both at fault for having an affair, end it now. xXx
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A
male
reader, yoyouyont +, writes (27 April 2006):
Having feelings and going with them is fine, but they dont make the wisest of decisions. Begin to think logically and realise that there is no future to this relationship that will satisfy those feelings. Love is not just how attractive someone is or how entertaining there banter may be, its a meant to form a tie between two people that bonds them: what you have is not a rope its a thread so insignificant (relatively)that pulling it could not unknot his wifes rope.now thats string theory
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2006): seems to me no matter what his marriage is much more important than what he has with you and i am really glad of that. you've lost everything because you are to in love with yourself and you dont give a s**t about who you hurt. i think your selfish and i have you respect for you.
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A
female
reader, prttymtlkitty +, writes (26 April 2006):
 Umm, they are trying for a baby... Isn't that enough for you to walk away? Do you think he will be there for YOU if you turn up pregnant too? You weren't the first and you won't be the last affair for him. When he does email you why don't you ask him how the baby making is coming along?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2006): Oh dear oh dear, i've been here and it hurts - really bad!! The only difference is that mine actually left his wife for over 12 months, lived with me and then decided he had to go home for his child. That was 2 months ago, didnt hear from him for a while now he's like a serial stalker he wont go away, over 300 text messages in 2 days. My advice leave him be, they are no good for the likes of me and you. To be honest if its meant to be it will be, if its not it wont. Seriously im still feeling the pain and heartache they cause and if i were you i would walk away painful i know but not as heart wrenching as it could be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2006): people like you make me sick! yes you are being used by a man who wants u for nothing more than sex. he has his wife for love and deep emotional friendship and sex of course but is using you for more. stay away get yourself your OWN HUSBAND leave this man and wife alone and think when you do meet someone who you love enough to marry they may also go and have an affair while there are women out there like yourself. bear this in mind. i hope you make the right decision.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (23 April 2006):
 You feel used because you were being used....for sex!
You know that, you know he still sleeps with his wife and you know he'll never leave her...WAKE UP !
There's more to life than waiting around for some guy to spare a few hours for you, try and forget him, he's a waste of time!
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2006): This guy's wife is obviously his main course and you are only a tasty side dish!!! If you like being a side dish by all means stay with him - but if you don't you'll have to make the difficult decision to move on. Ask yourself this question - is it worth it? The answer should be your guide.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (22 April 2006):
 I love to see people like yourself get a rude awakening! You deserve nothing less than the pain you're going through. You are selfish and creating problems for yourself and other people. If you ever fall deeply in love, like this cheaters wife and get hurt, you'll understand how shallow you are.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (22 April 2006):
 You back off and leave him and his poor wife in peace. Of course if you want to continue to feel used then go right ahead and continue. But he has already proved to you once he is going to stay with his wife, not only that he has TOLD you he is going to stay with his wife! Does he need to spell it out any clearer to you - that he is only after a bit on the side. You will never be more to him than a convenient *shag* when he can spare five minutes away from his wife.
You have already lost a friend over this and you are obviously going to get hurt again. Why make yourslef go thru this pain again?
Get out and leave this man behind. He is disloyal and a user. And find yourself somebody who is FREE to love you back.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (22 April 2006):
 They say love is blind,and in this case it is.This married man is obviously having sex with his wife because they are trying for a baby and even when his wife found out,your married man still didn't leave his mrs once the truth was out....what does that make him? Cant you see he is using you? What he has done is he waited until everything had calmed down then has started to email you because he is looking for free sex with no strings attached.This man sounds a right catch! I know you have feelings for him but please think carefully on what you are doing,he doesn't care about whether you love him or not...he just wants a bit on the side full stop.What are you going to do when his wife falls pregnant? There are plenty of fellas out there who are single and waiting to date you, but you are blinded with love.If this man really wanted you he would of left his wife by now,but he hasn't.Walk away from this,change your job so that you can avoid seeing him,otherwise you are heading for a big down fall.
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