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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been seeing this guy for about a month. He is realy nice and kind, but I can't help having the feeling that i am not sure about our relationship!He is very possessive of me, and he has told all of his friends about us and all of the people on my college course know. the things is... i don't think i feel the same way. I do like him, but i think it is in more of a friendship way.He looks at me as though he adores me, and it scares me! I cant cope with commitment, i just thought it was a bit of fun.He now wants me to 'stop over at his', which means he wants us to move to the next step!i know that i have led him on, very greatly. but it is just my flirty ways.I don't want to stay over, but don't know how to put it to him without realy hurting him! he has already said, " we cud be together months, years, who knows!" this also feeked me out aswell!!!!Am i just being silly or should i tell him how i feel?just feel asthough i am going out with him so that i don't upset him.I feel soooo awful about it.How can i put it to him?please help me.
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (22 April 2006):
 I think you do have to tell him how you feel before this gets out of hand to be honest. Going out with somebody so as not to upset them is not a good basis to start things. The grim truth is that the further you let things progress, the deeper he gets into it, the more hurt he will be when you pull out so although there is never a good time, the general rule is the sooner the better and certainly having sex would complicate things greatly.
When you are talking to him accentuate the positive as much as you can to cushion the blow; tell him the traits you admire in him but tell him your conclusion that you only feel for him in a friendship way, apologise and try not to let any of his feelings blow you off-course. Assuming its what you want, assure him you can still be friends, try and make the atmosphere relaxed as you can. Hope that helps.
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