A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there I have been married for 3 years my husband and I have known each other as friends for 11 years when we decided to get together in 2005 we moved in together in 1 month got pregnant in 4 months and married in 9 months. Sex was great the best I'd ever had, but since we've had our child things between us will never be the same. Im not attracted to him anymore "sexually" he gets whinny when I dont put out for a few weeks or a month, and honstly i have to wait til I ovulate to even be horny enough to even consider sleeping with him, for the longest time I though I had a hormonal problem from my pregnancy, until I started noticing his friend, who was coming over quit often last year . almost daily, and me being the lonely friendless housewife that I am, I assumed he liked me and was coming around becuae of me, he started getting very friendly toward me making sexual comments and jokes" turns out thats just his personality" but anyhow i decided to hit on him via text message, so we chatted and i begged him to come "be" with me and he didnt believe me so we didnt sleep together but I "worked again"!! I had feelings sexual feelings I didnt think i could have again...to make a long story short I stayed honest with my husband told him all my feelings and that i hit on his friend, which didnt go over well... then I wanted a divorce, I convinced myself i would leave my husband and be with his friend, well his friend didnt want anything to do with it, he liked me and wanted to have sex with me but that was it, but he didnt want all the drama that was invloved with it So I got shafted and almost lost my husband, I decided it would be better to stay with my husband so i wouldnt have to be alone and cause hes a good husband, not because Im sexually attracted cause im not=( Well this friend of his is actually our neightbodr and after almost a year they have just started to be friends again, but I cant help but think about him sexually anytime he comes around,,, I want himso bad, I have even thought about him during sex with my husband, when i do have sex with him, but it makes me feel guilty..... I dont know what to do, if theres anything I even can do.... we've talked about bringing other people in the bedroom but if we're going to do that then we shouldnt even be together anymore ya know?
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female
reader, melanie0083 +, writes (15 September 2009):
 They actually have done studies on this b/c 60% of women lose their sex drive after having a baby...And I mean some of them for lose it for years...but it does come back. But whatever you decide, treat your husband with a lil respect...don't cheat on him...stay honest with him like you are...i mean, we are talking about the father of your child here...not just "someone".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): To be honest, it doesn't sound like you are really in love with your husband. Had you been having sex for 11 years or just the 3? The passionate nature of sex with a person diminishes with time.The most telling statement is your saying that you were "friends" for 11 years before living together. Why did you decide to move in together? Did it have to do with making finances easier?Do you think you could be unfairly using your husband? You sound like you are looking for passion and were flattered by this attention of another man, which presented an at-risk situation. I know it is a cliche, but it is true: the grass always seems greener on the other side. Keeping your husband because he is a good one and because you don't want to be alone are selfish reasons. At least a separation would be fairer to give both of you an opportunity to re-evaluate things.It is important to maintain a good relationship with the father of your child. This is not always easy, but will make for a happier child.I am not trying to be ugly, but you had a choice. You chose to marry although it doesn't sound like you were ready. You had a choice to have an affair, so I don't think there is any loyalty in the marriage. Not to mention the lack of trust he must feel now!
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (14 September 2009):
gosh you adulturer. Ok so he was good enough to have a baby with but not good enough to work through a rough spot in your marriage with??? Your not the one I want to help here its him I would want to help. If I was a lawyer I would offer my legal services to him for free to make sure he made out well in the divorce. Now you want his friend and ohhhhhh the magical sexual feelings are back alive?? He whines cause he isn't getting any?? Heck I would be too. You like having sex with him before but I guess you were just using him to have a kid. get some help honey
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (14 September 2009):
 This is a bizarre situation. Are you mad at your husband for making you pregnant so soon?
I'm only asking that question because I'm getting the feeling that you had a long term friendship, and within a short time of moving in together, you were pregnant, and then got married and had a child together.
Its a thought. The strange attraction to his friend seems to me that you want something forbidden, exotic and unknown rather than be attracted to a man whom, by your accounts, you were fantastically happy with before the baby.
So I'm thinking, without a lot of psychoanalysis, that the issue is whether or not it has something to do with him getting you pregnant.
Here's a solution, and I think you need to work on this with your husband. Forget about the neighbor. You want to use that guy for sex and its just not fair to him or your husband.
What attracted you to your husband before the baby? Its that simple. What qualities did he have that made you so happy that sex was fantastic between the two of you?
Try and latch on to those feelings again, and then start trying to get more affectionate with him, and he needs to be more affectionate with you. If the two of you concentrate on this aspect and pay more attention to each others' needs then it might just start up again for you.
If you have a chance, if you can find family or friends to care for the baby a couple of nights a week, try and spend more time together.
This thing about having an affair with neighbors and friends is something that has more to do with excitement and doing things that are "bad", and I think if you try and focus on the positive qualities that existed before the baby was born, you'd probably find sex as gratifying if not more satisfying than before.
If you still can't get to that part, try finding a therapist in the area to see if there's some other issue working its way into your sex life.
It just sounds pretty bad when you have this guy there who absolutely turned your key for you before, and now after, he's so meaningless sexually that you barely want to touch him anymore.
I think there's resentment for him, and my gut reaction here is that you're punishing him when you should be loving him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I think you may want to consider professional help. It does not sound like you are making choices from a rational or mature place of grounding.
Take a time out and do everyone a favour. Give your head a shake.
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A
male
reader, misunderstood1984  +, writes (14 September 2009):
Each to there own, I personally dont see an issue with that, as long as you love each other and am i love you will be strong and it will spcie up the bedroom department. IMO i would just be a bit different, get the old man to be a bit adventroous but say it nicely, different things etc.
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