A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm looking for some insight into whether Im being stupid or not....my boyfriend of three years has decided that when i go to univesity next year he will split up with me. this is extremely summarised because it is a long and complicated problem we have been going through for about three months now.his reasons behind it are that he wants me to have a good time and not be tied down by him...he wants me to go there and have exoeriences that he never got to have when he was at university.the problem is i dont want to split up with him...i want to be with him for the rest of my life...and he says the same but he wants me to go through uni first and then if i still feel the same way we will get back together when ive graduated.i just don't think i'd be able to spend four years apart from him...and i just want to know your opinion on whether i am just being stupid and not taking his feelings or views into account or whethr i am being completely reasonable in being so upset that he wants this?any advice on what to do will helpthank you x
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get back together, split up, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you birdynumnums...you have really opened my eyes...but instead of just splitting up with him straight away i think im going to discuss this with him furthr...im going to ask whether he has problems with committment etc.
i dont just want to give the relationship up when i go to uni but i do understand where your coming from...i will keep you updated hopfully.
and anonymous...its not my b/f that is going to university it is me...but thank you for your reply
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): Agree- accept that he wants to have the ability to enjoy the compelte college expereince w/o a girl back home. You can't change that- accept it. Having a realtionship go from HS to Uni is very rare, and IMO people that don't go out and spread their wings are very likely to have SERIOUS issues years later.You've not seen anything serious until you see 2 48 year olds divorcing the year their son is about to go to college, when one of them decided late in life that they wanted to sleep with a second person (in their life!)... I know a couple doing this now... you need to get out and live. If you reconnect GREAT, if you don't, so be it. We all had a frist love, who we wanted to be with forever... 99.9% of us didn't get that and are REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT NOW!.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 I think he wants the break too. Other people manage to stay together during uni at different universities, but the both WANT too. It doesn't sound like he is committed to either you or being celibate for the next 3 or 4 years, and is using this as an excuse. ANYWAYS, you are young, and why stick with a relationship that obviously has had many problems to a guy who isn't committing to you? university is a great time for new friends and new experiences. You may just be afraid of loneliness and change, even when it's probably for the better. Life is a constant state of change now that you are grown up, so you have to learn to accept it when it comes.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
XXX
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