A
female
age
30-35,
*ally boo
writes:dear cupidmy boyfriend of three years is hardly ever afecionate with me.he told me he doesn't like public displays of affection and that he has never been very romantic etc...however i found out about four months ago that he used to be romantic, affectionate etc with his ex girlfriend who he was with for five years. the way i found out was through a mutual friend who told me about how he used to send her sweet messages over IM and text and how he would always compliment her and tell everyone how beautiful she was and how they had pet names for eachother. this mutual friend only told me this because i wanted to know what he was like in his ex relationships. anyway i sometimes think i was a rebound...they broke up on bad circumsatnces i think and we got together three months after they split up...i jst want to know what in of reasons there might be for his behaviour?i'm getting increasingly jealous of his ex and whenever i bring the subject of him not being affectionate enough he just says i want too much out of the relationship and that he's never been romantic/affectionate with another girlfriend before and that i should accept him the way he is...but now i know that he was with his ex i am really worried.plus i found out that some of the things he does and says to me he used to do with her and its eating me up.please help because it has got to points where i've ben ready to leave him through thinking he doesn't care for me as much as i do him...and i really don't want to leave him because i love him and want to spend the rest of ylife with himx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): You need to stop thinking about him doing you wrong, and start thinking about what could have happened to HIM, to change his behavior. If you'll stop thinking about yourself for an hour and consider this you may learn something.Guys can get wounded by women to the point where their behavor can be changed. If his ex made some shitty comment about his behavior, then he could have made an improper connection with affection and decided that's why they broke up. Odds are that he'd like to return to being affectionate, but something has blocked this. You need to have a quiet and gentle conversation with him and see if the two of you can work on this. Baby steps... slow, reasuring, gental steps. If you start getting all in his face, jealous and pissed off, you've LOST. He guy you want is still in there- you need to create a SAFE place for him to return to being that guy.
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