A
female
age
41-50,
*oolittletoolate
writes:I have been married for 6 yrs and for the rest of the six yrs my husband has never be faithful. He had atleast 7 affairs just in one yr - dont ask me how he does it but yrs to an extend he was dating 4 other women at a go.He has never just once shown any sympathy towards me.To add to my mysery he is not contributng financially. I pay the bond, our elder daughter's school fees and the nanny for the little one, water and electricity, food, kids clothes. To date I do not know his payslip or atleast how much is here earning.His parents and siblings call me every month demanding his money, which I do not have. They even said it in his presence and he kept quite.After 6 yrs of misery I decided to end it. Imagine with the HIV/AIDS rate in SA why should I kill myself intentionally, if he can give me clamadia, take his treatment and keeps it a secret what more can he do.With two kids who loves their father to bits. I'm not sure if I made a right desicion. Is it ok to make this about me as a person and for a while forget about kids.
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 I know that it isn't easy what you are going through, but I promise that you can do it and come out even stronger. Just remember the saying "its always darkest before the dawn" Take care of your precious little ones and remember to take care of yourself as well. Please keep us updated to how you are. Many of us have been where you are and we've all survived. You will be ok, I promise. Sometimes being alone is much better than being with someone who doesn't respect you. *HUGS*
A
female
reader, toolittletoolate +, writes (18 May 2012):
toolittletoolate is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all.Even though is not a good thing, it sometimes feels a bit better to know that some people out there know exactly what you are going through.All your comments are a great deal to me. Will take your advises and move on.It really means a lot. again thank u all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2012): Yes you absolutely did the right thing!! Don't ever doubt yourself.You would be doing your children a disservice if you allowed yourself to be disrespected by your own husband, let alone allowing yourself to be put in harm's way (HIV/AIDS) by your husband's behavior.It's great that the kids love their father, and he may be a great dad. But that's totally separate from being a husband. He's the worst type of husband. It was right of you to leave him because you're teaching your children the value of marriage - i.e., that marriage is to be something special and good and honorable and if it's not then it gets ended and not kept alive to be toxic. If you were to stay with your husband, you would be teaching your children that marriage means nothing so they might grow up believing not to stand up for themselves if their partners mistreat them because they saw that their own mother didn't stand up for herself.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 May 2012):
 Don't worry. You made a very good decision to get away from this lying, cheating DOG!!!!......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): Your husband is a selfish prick why are you priotising him. You and your children come first and you can never provide your children a happy home when you are unhappy. Get out before that uncaring and self centred man you call your husband infects you with the HIV virus.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): You have definately made the right decision. You said the best reason yourself - HIV/AIDS is a massive risk and he obviously isn't careful or he wouldnt have caught and STI. Do not sacrifice you health and well being just because you have kids together. They can still see him without you having a relationship with him.
Keep strong and be an example to other women that they don't need to accept a man who behaves like that. Best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): You have made the right decision for all of you.Leopard cannot change its spot. I am much older than you and been through what you have been through. I left my ex-husband when my son was 18 months old. my son is now 19 years old and going to university, he is polite and well-mannered. People say he is a credit to me.My ex-husband's daughter who is now 28 has told my son some home truth about his father and she keeps telling that I am still her step-mum even though her dad and I divorced 15 years ago, and she has a mother. Please do not feel guilty, your children will thank you one day. However, please let the kids see their dad. you should also make sure he pays child maintenance.All the best. and get support from friends and family. You will also benefit from counselling for what he has done to you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (16 May 2012):
 You are not enjoying your marrieage...you are SUFFERING it!!!
He is treating you absolutely appaulingly and there is no law on God's earth which says you have to tolerate it.
He will always be daddy to your children and that is for him to initiate and work out...so far he's been a very POOR daddy. You are their mummy...and you are a GOOD mummy, you pay for everything and make sure they have what they need...in a way this will benefit you after he's gone because you are already coping finacially on your own.
Life is short and we get limited chances to make ourselves happy...you do not have to be in a relationship to be happy...and this marriage is basically a sham!!
You have made a brave move, it was the only thing you could do, so you should feel proud you had the guts to make a stand.
Love your kids, but love yourself more...in time other opportunities will come your way, but right now you need to cut lose from a very very bad and damaging situation.
Good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 May 2012):
Yes, you are doing the right thing because in thinking of yourself, you ARE thinking of your children and the future of all of you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but it sounds like you are strong and determined, and with that attitude you will get through this. Any woman would be frightened to find out her husband was cheating, especially that many affairs..God only knows what he could give to you if you were to be intimate with him. Take a deep breathe, cry if you need to, and end the marriage. It will hurt, but in the end, you will be happier. You and your children will have a brighter future. If you can remain on friendly terms it will certainly makes things easier down the road. Whenever you feel afraid or disheartened just think of what he has put you through and draw strength from the fact that the pain will come to an end. If I can survive a cheating lowlife husband, you can too. And trust me, I have no regrets. My life was much better after my divorce. It wasn't easy, but I was happier. You will be too. Hang in there, sweetie.
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A
female
reader, WS +, writes (16 May 2012):
 You deserve better! You will be a better Mother to your children without all his drama in your life! Sometimes you have to think about yourself and in doing so it will also be better for your children...don't you think they deserve a better male figure in their life on a daily basis? They cannot make the choices for you...think of them in the long run...leaving can be the only answer with such behavior for so long.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (16 May 2012):
You’ve done the right thing, he’s treated you appallingly and shown no remorse for it. You can’t stay in a marriage for the sake of children, it’ll make you so unhappy and they will pick up on it. Don’t confuse his roles as husband and father. Try to figure out some kind of access arrangement so that he can spend time with his children, if you’ve not done so already. You can both still be a part of the children’s lives, you don’t have to be together for that. It’s probably better that you aren’t. Just try your best to keep civil with him for the sake of the children.
I wish you all the very best.
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