A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Long story short I have a friends with benefits (almost a month now).We haven't had sex yet, because I'm a virginWe used to text every day, now we text every few days (he always texts me, but lately I have been texting him, and now I regret that)I started liking him a little, and he said he was starting to like me (highly doubtful after what I just did :/ )So last night I was bored, he hadn't texted me, so I texted him.And I was being flirty/nice like usual, and he was answering quite fast, but then he starting taking like an HOUR to answer, and took long twice, so I got really frustrated and got pissy at him (never happened before), but I don't think he gave a sh*t, and didn't really care, the only thing I think I achieved was pushing him away :(This is how the convo went:8:04pm (ME) : How was your day? xx8:04pm (HIM): Hey cutie, good. wbu? xx8:05pm (ME): Pretty boring. What did you get up to today? X8:06pm (HIM): Nothink really haha. Wbu8:07pm (ME): Nothing at all;. I'm bored, today has been so gay8:20pm (ME): Not in the mood for talking I see... Well whatever, just text me when you feel like it, whenever that may be, if ever.8:32pm (HIM): Sorry was driving8:36pm (ME: K then. Well anyways I don't know bout you, but I wanna see you hell bad. But I can't for just under a week :( . Its so gay...9:09pm (ME)L OK. I give up on this conversation all together haha.9:15pm (ME): what's up with you anyways? Like if you don't wanna talk/see me anymore, can you just tell me, Because I wanna know if I am wasting my time.9:18pm (HIM): I'm busy atm9:23pm(ME): Fine then. Screw off till you decide I'm worth talking to. (That sounds a bit mean/bitchy so soz bout that, but just tell me if you're busy instead of making me wait like an hour for a response, a sh*t one at that. haha. Obviously I'm not very high on your list of priorities. haha. whatever)9:24pm (ME): (I'm in a bitchy mood Because I just wanted to talk to you, but clearly I wasn't worth talking to in your opinion - sorry for the attitude)~the next day (today)~10:19am (ME): I'm so sorry for last night... I was annoyed Because I just wanted to talk to you...But you were to 'busy' and obviously didn't want to talk to me :( . (You don't have to answer this, Because I'm assuming you really don't wanna talk to me right now... But if you never wanna talk to me again, could you tell me?) :(END-Yes, I realize how vulnerable I am being, and I hate it, I just don't want to lose him/what we have-Also you are probably thinking 'why is she raging, they are FwB', but seriously, we act like we are boyfriend/girlfriend and that's how I have always been treated, but frankly he was being an ass last night, and that upset me, then pissed me offAnd now I wish NONE of that ever happened, Because I think I f***ed everything up... D:I think he won't want me anymore, and will just stop talking to me randomly:(pleas help!!
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flirt, friend with benefits, in the mood, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYer I am 14 (turning 15) and he is 17 (turning 18)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have no idea why, but not only did he let me get away with it:
1. He is pretending it never happened
2. He is treating me pretty much the same as before (before my 'mistake')
3. He still wants to see me (tonight - this was last night when we were texting) and was upset when he found out we couldn't hang out!!!
I have no idea what on earth is going through this boy's mind, but for some reason I just got away with something that most people wouldn't of!!
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A
male
reader, Mark_25_  +, writes (23 April 2011):
 First thing I picked up on: your 13 - 15 and he's driving?? That's quite a gap at that age. To me this sounds like your being pretty imature, but also trying to act older than you are (something that everyone your sort of age seems obsessed with doing).
Sorry, i will try and do some advice now rather than being a critic. If I was you I'd try and learn from this, your first mistake was taking it to heart that after 13 minutes he hadn't replied to your text. This is texting - not everyone replies instantly and you shouldn't really be expecting him to. You've got to change the, "why hasn't he text back yet" to thinking that he probably is busy. Just because he doesn't reply immediately it doesn't mean that he isn't bothered with talking to you. Unfortunately, if I'm honest, if I was him I'd be thinking whether I could be bothered with someone that is so sensitive to nothing events.
You did the right thing by apologising but you still made it sound like it was his fault. - If I were you I'd put something like, "I'm really sorry, I acted really immaturely last night, it's just I really like you" etc. If I was him and read that I'd give you another chance. By saying that it shows that you are mature and can admit to mistakes. Also, he's going to want a reason why you were so angry - and as you don't really have anything to loose at this stage, being honest is the best way.
Hope that helps :)
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (23 April 2011):
 I'm in a situation like this with a girl I know, I've never openly lost my temper with her like this, but it usually takes her a hell of a long time to reply and it really annoys me.
She recently told me that she doesn't wanna do anything anymore too, so I think it's over for me, which is a shame because it was awesome while it lasted :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI turned my phone off because I was sure he would never speak to me again...
But after waiting the entire day, I finally checked my phone.
He texted twice (times unknown because my phone was off)
First Text: 'I never said that... I was driving at the time that's y I didnt reply'
then since i didnt answer (phone being off and all)so a few hours later (im assuming) he said
'Wat u doing?x'
so im assuming he is letting my little tantrum slide...
haha, guess im lucky?
since he let it slide, what do you think this may mean?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): little lady what are you doing?
First of all you are 13-15. You don't have FWB, especially not if you're a virgin.
I have quite a lot of experience with those kind of relationships and let me tell you something. He is either your boyfriend or he is not, and if he is not then it is because he doesn't really care for you and if you like him, this will only end up in hurt.
FWB is a convenient situation for older people who don't have either the time or the emotional capacity for a real relationship but they want sex. That doesn't sound like your situation.
Your situation sounds more like you are involved with a guy that you want to be your boyfriend, e.g. listen to you when you're bored or have had a 'gay' day, pay attention to you and make you a priority.
That is not what a friend with benefits does so if that's what you think, you better change your understanding.
He said he's busy and here's some other news for you. Even if he is your boyfriend, I'm busy still means I'm busy. If one of your friends (girl), had said she was busy, would you have reacted like that?
Probably not.
If he doesn't pursue this, you should count yourself as lucky, yeah you made a fool of yourself but you'll feel like a much bigger fool if you give your virginity to a guy who doesn't love you.
I know, I made that mistake.
Everything in relationships is push and pull. You push away from him, he wants to pull you closer, you want to pull closer to him, he pushes away from you. You just pulled pretty hard so now he is obviously going to push you away.
So if you want him around, I suggest that you stop caring immediately and distance yourself from him and make it very clear that everything in your life is more important than him. Then he might come back. You may have done irreversible damage though.
That's how the game works.
But you also have to realise that you can't play games with guys for that long and so if he isn't really your friend and he doesn't care about you and like you a lot, things probably aren't going to work out for you.
You should save your time and preciousness for guy who appreciates you. Not one who is keeping you as an option, hoping something better comes along. Don't kid yourself about what's going on. You might be trying to do adult things that you don't understand yet. And of all the things I've done as an adult, I think FWB is probably one of the worst. Maybe for the rare girl out there it works, but I can't think of one girl I know that would say it's good idea.
Go search FWB on dearcupid, go look at all the problems and all the silly people who are getting hurt. This problem is really just the beginning of what you are trying to get yourself involved in...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2011): Yeah, you fucked up.
Sorry but from a guys point of view, he would think you're a psychopathic, clingy, annoying girl that has nothing better to do then be obsessed with this guy.
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A
male
reader, 83puremage1 +, writes (23 April 2011):
Just go and tell him you love him. And let see what will happen. Believe me or not, if you continue in that kind of situation which is between love and friendship for a long time, you will feel mentally exhausted.
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A
female
reader, msnewbeginning  +, writes (23 April 2011):
 maybe he really was busy & didnt want to just end the conversation. Dont let your emotions and anger take over. Sometimes females let their emotions have them playing the gf role when they know in reality, its just a friendship.
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