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female
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*araJ
writes: I have been very depressed lately. I still have serious feelings for my friend's husband. We started to email each other last month, but then stopped... we decided we should just talk over the phone if there was something to say. I found out that they could be moving away so this is really making me sad. My friend has been saying that her husband has been depressed too. I wonder if He may also have the same kind of feelings for me...we have never admitted to it, but I know there's something there...he used to respond to my emails very quickly when we were doing that...and we have spent time together with our families, etc. I haven't talked to him in weeks, I'm afraid to call. We've always shared lots of interests and bonded in a platonic way...but I am agonizing whether I should tell him anything about my feelings for him before they move...I've been unhappy for a very long time with my own husband...and I have tried to make things work out with him too...we are trying to work on our relationship, spend more time together, etc. I am feeling so guilty about my feelings for this man, but know we share something very unique as well. Is it wrong to try and tell this man of my feelings?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007): I, too, have the same problem. The object of my affection's wife is a beautiful Russian girl who you jsut cannot hate because she is kind and fun to talk to. My husband knows and he is very supportive and even tries to make fun of me saying I turn red when I sit next to him. I love him for that...it gets me through the tough days to find the humor in the situation. However, it is emotionally difficult to be around my friend's husband because he makes me feel like a teenager again. I'm 27 and am having age issues and confidence issues (I was unemployed for a long period of time so I think that severely damaged my confidence). I asked my husband (through tears) if it is possible to love 2 men at once. He said yes. I agree, but I know I don't want to lose what I have. I am Catholic and feel torn apart. My heart says two things, my head says I'm crazy...
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female
reader, LaraJ +, writes (20 November 2006):
LaraJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the feedback. I know this is just something I must let go. It hurts keeping the feelings a secret. I hope that they do move...maybe I'll finally be able to move on with my own life. I will miss the friendships I made though...I never wanted to hurt anyone..that would be our families. Guess I'll just have to keep this secret with me till the grave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): I do not understand how one can so readily forget all the reasons, hopes, wishes, desires in which they based and excercised an adult decision to bind themselves to another for a lifetime.
You made vows of commitment to love and honour the Man you choose as Husband and promised to stand by his side through all things, to endure all things, to overcome all things for the sake of love.
Why would you just say...I changed my mind?
If you no longer love the man you call Husband; know that you still owe him honesty and consideration.
If you no longer want to be with him and no longer love him the way he wants and needs and if you do not forsee a future with him at his side. Then make a decision and tell him.
Do this before you entertain thoughts of being with another or lusting after another.
Be honest to yourself and have some integrity.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (18 November 2006):
 You can't work on your marriage and keep contact with this other man. If you do you'll look for reasons to sabatoge your marriage. Everytime your husband does something that bothers you, it will be magnified ten fold.
Since you've never admitted your feelings to eachother, get out now while you can at least be happy that nothing physical happened. Mentally you've been walking in the gray area because you've been tempted and willingly put yourself there. That is being unfaithful to your marriage.
If you've never let on that you like the other guy, be thankful you haven't blown your reputation and marriage. He's not perfect either. Remember that.
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A
female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (18 November 2006):
 Heya I completely agree with the comments below.
Before you deal with or approach this man with your feelings you need to sort yourself first. Until you've doen that you won't truely know how you feel and what you really want.
You sound so uncertain on so many things it seems that your life is just a jumble of confusion at the moment. You say you're tackling your marriage at the moment so pherhaps your fondness for your friends man has grown because you are looking for an escape hatch.... Someone said to me last night when you feel like you don't want to be with soemone or that soemthing isn't working you start to look for reasons to call it quits. You start to subconsionsly generate reasons.
Therefore I think you need to try soem marriage councilling or pherhaps soem councilling for yourself to try and sort out and get control over all those thoughts that are overwhelming your mind. I would really encourage you to try and tackle your existing insecurities heads on before you go openning up more situations which potentially could cause you more distress.
Even if you do end up splitting with your husband you should give yourself time to recover from the marriage before yu even consider approaching your firnds man with your feelings. If after all that time you find that you still feel this way about him then you will know it's not a rebound and it's not because you're looking for escapism... maybe then come back to this site and ask for more advice...But I'm sure everyone will tell you to leave well alone because you see love HE is married which means he is not avaliable.... I think you will just have to learn to live with it and move on... You will either need to patch things up with your husband or find a single, unmarried man to fall in love with....
To wrap up I think this one is not meant to be.......
Sexybum
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