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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. Last week one of our close friends told me things about him that I had no idea. Such as: Him and his best friend are planning to go to the strip club, This girl has a crush on him and somehow got his phone number an hasn't stopped calling him- he seen her once with his cousin and best friend and then invited her over again a week later, and the things he does just keeps popping up from other people. When I confronted him, he got mad at me but admitted to it all. I don't trust him not just because of the things I find out about him but because he feels the need to hide so much from me and expects me to tell him everything. I'm having mixed feelings and I think it's time to move on. Am I over reacting or taking this head on? Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your advice. It has definately made me feel better and I know that I have to end it with him. After 3 years I know it will be hard but its in my best interest. Thank you so much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2006): ...move on, this guy is not worth you're time.
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (18 November 2006):
 Hello
You are not over reacting you are tackling this head on... Three years is a long time to be a relationship with soemone and by the time three years has gone past you'd think you would be aware of all this stuff going on....
I would feel exactly the same as you... You've confronted him about but got nowhere... Instead of saying sorry and admitting that he'd been a jerk he got angry with you... To be honest the fact that he had a girl back at his place without telling would be enough for me to leave a man.... He's made it clear that he is willing to jeoperdise your relationship and taht you are not top on his list of priorities.
I think you just feel guilty because you are quite capable of taking control of this situation and being assertive. You know you don't want to be treated like this and you know what's you've got to do to prove it as well. You know you've got enough respect for yourself to see it thorugh.... and you feel guilty for being capable.
Well you shouldn't he has broken your trust... You don't know if he cheated on you or not and I don't think you're hearts in it.
Put it this way if you don't do anything you will just be saying to him that's it's ok to behave like this... He can do what he wants with who he wants and still coem crawling back to you... you will be his doormat.
Make a stand you have been with him long enough to expexct some respect out of his relationship and if he's not going to give it's really up to you if you want to stick around or not....
Personally I know I wouldn't.
Good luck
Sexybum
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): Ive bin through something similar to this lately, and i have now chose 2 move on. A relationship wont work without trust! But maybe you should try talking to him about it abit more and seriously, as 3 years is alot to throw away just like this. But do you want to get hurt anymore? becuase if his done it once whats stopping him from doing it again? It doesn't even sound asthough you deserve to be treated like this.. so my advice would be to move on eventhough it will b hard, Ull get through it just be strong and find somebody better! theres plenty more fish in the sea.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): Presumably the two of you are dating exclusively? i.e., sleeping together and (which if you're having sex should be the way it is - exclusivity) have an agreement not to date anyone else?
If you are not sexual with him, and there is no understanding that you will be only date on another, then both of you are free to date others - so long as sex is not involved.
I mention this first because it makes a big difference.
Having said that: it sounds like something is not right in a situation where he wants you to tell him everything, yet feels the need to get angry because he is doing stuff he can't or won't tell you about. It undermines trust, and being able to trust one another is one of the most important qualities in any relationship.
You have to let him know straight out you neither like nor expect this kind of behavior. (But do it in a calm, non-accusatory way if you can!) If he wants to continue to be in a relationship with you, you expect him not to indulge in these sneaky going-behind-your-back goings-on and not telling you about it. Again: that is, assuming you and he are supposed to be dating only each other.
Then, depending on his response, you'll have to decide whether he chooses to "reform" and if so, can you trust him to keep his word? In three years you should have some idea as to his integrity, right?
If you feel deep down that he is not to be trusted, it would be best to end it, and move on. It is also possible that your relationship with him after three years has simply ran its course, as they said, ran out of steam.......in any case, I wish you all the best in coping with this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): I think that moving on is probably a good idea. If you can't trust him and he has admitted what he has done, then he doesn't deserve you. You can do better. Tqake it from someone with expierence....he isn't going to change.
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