A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i would greatly appericate the help you would give me, and the advice.I have been going out with a divorced lady for about a month now.she is cool, smart, funny, good work parties, she has a hard exterior but a soft interior, shy, and single. I am an engineer, about her age, not into parties, serious at work with a position, moderate, funny, more of a classic type I guess. and I am single. so we have been going out for about a month, and things were going smoothly between us. she would call and check up, texting. things that would happen in the beginning. but she was insisting on being together as a boyfriend, girlfriend ( i dont know if she as serious about it, or semi serious) but i was insisting it was still early, and that i should take her out on a proper date. and we didnt show any physical affection during that time. so i took her out on a date, well dressed, shaven, flower, nice music, dinner in a fancy place, and ended the evening making out for the first time. she told me she had great time, and im a good kisser. couple more of these dates followed. i started to hug, and hold hands with her. and at the same time i began to notice that she is changing. the calls, and the texting are less. i didnt make a big issue out of it, considering that i dont know her that well so i cant judge yet. and the boyfriend/girlfriend issue suddenly stopped. i did ask if we are bf/gf and she said we are not yet!and we did not make out after that time. about a week ago i took her out for dinner at a nice and new place for dinner, with a flower, and nice music. we were being normal i guess. and we started talking about the relationship. she opened a subject saying why dont i have girls as friends, and i told her i cant handle being a friend with a girl. said said, what if we are friends, i told her i would simply leave. after all the date was to be in a relationship. and i asked her where do we stand, and to my surprise, she said we are still getting to know each other, and we should not rush things! i didnt want to ruin the evening to i told her, lets enjoy the moment, we can talk about this later. and then she said something disturbing, i can meet other people if i wanted, and she doesnt mind. i once mentioned to her before that i am a loyal person, and i dont like to play around. so the evening for me didnt go so well, but she had a great time. and i drove to drop her off at a party. i had in mind, she would make out with me, a kiss on the lips at least, but instead i got a kiss on the cheek !! and she wanted me to kiss her on her cheek as well !! that made my evening go downhill. next day i decided to turn my phone off, just to see her reaction. she didnt call, or text! the next day i called her, and i did a surprise for her. i had written down 100 reasons why i like her. and things were back to how they were i guess. i wanted to open up the subject of valentine with her, but she immediately changed the subject, and i didnt want to open it again. so far that is what has happened. Quesntion: Has she lost interest? Has she changed her mind? Does she have someone else on mind? Why would she say these things on our last date? Am i her friend now? and what should i be doing? i am playing it really cool, and holding myself that i dont make a big thing out of this. so i am going with the flow. i would really appreciate your answers.
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at work, divorce, kisser, shy, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I don't think she knows what she wants and I agree with one of the contributors that she hasn't really dealt with her marriage break up. I was in the same boat....it's not nice and one can try to excuse her behaviour, but the reality is, she used you to get over her ex husband. All I can say is she will most likely do the same again to the next guy. She is in her own pain and unless she becomes aware she will repeat the pattern. Not very useful to you reading this, but if you want to take anything positive out of it know that in some way you made her feel alive again...life is unfair sometimes, but I think you need to move on.
A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (10 February 2011):
Just slow down. How do you have 100 reasons why you like her after one month? That would be odd to me.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 To answer your questions: yes, she has lost interest and changed her mind. No, you're not her friend; she said you could be friends to soften the blow and nothing else. And, you should be meeting new people.
You strike me as a good guy who wanted to do things right. And you were doing things right. Everything seemed to be going well. But then, it wasn't. Why? You will never know. She will not tell you. Maybe it's just that she didn't like you, or she wanted to have someone who would make her feel well, or anything else. The thing is, you will never know.
Like I said, she just said you'd be friends in order to "soften" the blow. In this forum we see a situation like yours every once in a while. "We'll be friends" means "No, I don't want you, man".
Don't insist. It won't help you. It doesn't matter if you're in love; she doesn't want you, and, if you insist, it will become harassment. So, stay where you are.
I congratulate you on turning the phone off. Do the next reasonable thing and delete her phone number. You don't want to dial her number "by accident", be it a real accident or, "an accident", if you understand me. If you have one of those phones that let you block a number, block hers. Don't worry and be happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): You are a respectul man and she should to know that but seems that she doesn't.
I will be so proud and happy to be with a man who takes the time to know me before start a relationship.
Think about it. If she likes a guy who takes her into a bed in the first date...you are not the guy and you don't loose she is who is loosing a wonderful man.
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (10 February 2011):
 its not that she has lost interest in you, she simply may not be interested in loving or trying to get close with any one at this time. The worst thing for you to do is fall in love with damage goods. When women break up (and some men) they focus and meditate on their ex. She may tried to get involve with you in the attempt to ease her pain of missing and breaking up with her husband. She used u to ease the pain and get through him. Dont play your self short. she would have to continue to have been a sex partner if you would have not brought up the serious part of commintment to a ralationship. I would just be lovers and continue to find that special girlfriend. Dont waste your money on a women who dont want to or cant get into a relationship with you. Be smart man
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