A
male
age
36-40,
*lackest_Night
writes:Well, there is a much longer story, that I already explained earlier (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/her-family-situation-has-made-her-push-me.html)with lots of vital information, but I'll skip most of it:Basically, a longtime friend ended up sleeping with me, going out to movies, dinner, sleeping over, etc for about 3 weeks before finally telling me she's had a boyfriend the whole time. It crushed me but I wasn't rude to her about it and said over the winter break, I want to know what happens. She said she was breaking up with him and going to see where things went when she got back. After the break, she's now single, but her dad got into legal trouble and she just wasn't emotionally okay, so I didn't ask her out. Well, I tried texting, chatting, calling, messaging, etc, and she would rarely if at all reply. Finally, after 2 weeks, she said I just want to be friends, so I said fine. Well, like any friend of mine, I would text something I thought was funny, or see how classes were going, anything...no replies ever. I lost my damned mind, and started texting like once a day, and sending her a facebook message once a week saying I'm sorry for anything I did to make you ignore me, etc. The first reply was sweet, but the more she ignored me, the crazier I became, and finally her response was a furious "leave me alone" message. Her and her friends then began making fun of me on her facebook wall and calling me a creeper, and she de-friended and blocked me from facebook and skype. Well, I (stupidly) asked one of her friends I had gotten close with, a guy mind you, I know girls gossip, what the hell is going on. He is a church leader, and he said he would not repeat anything I spoke to him about, so I figured I could trust him. Well, I blabbed our entire story, and he seemed sympathetic and trying to help. The next day, I got a angry text from her to leave her friends alone, and what the hell was I thinking. So I told her to leave me alone and I'll do the same. From when she got back from winter break till now has been exactly one month.Now, I am not ignorant enough to blame myself entirely, she is the one who led me on for weeks and had a boyfriend, and then cut me off completely. However, I took it wayyyyy too far, had somewhat of a mental breakdown (due to my past ex cheating on me, I saw everything happening again and lost it), and became a total lunatic and pushed my friend so far away that she wants no contact from me ever again. Is there any way to get my friend back, just on talking terms, even if I wait months / years to do so?
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male
reader, Blackest_Night +, writes (10 February 2011):
Blackest_Night is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI suppose it's moreso my own guilt at making mistakes on my behalf. I have never been through anything like this and turned into a desperate fool, and looking back I want to kick myself in the face for it. Thank you all for your answers, they're enlightening and supportive =]
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well now. You really sound "invested" in her as considerably more than a friend, don't you think?
I believe your first mistake was when she was very upset over her father's legal problems. You made a wise decision in not asking her out and recognizing she needed some space, but you took a wrong turn in sending text after text, message after message, etc. You really would have done better to send one message to express support for what she was going through, and then WAITED to see if you got a response before sending another.
Her telling you she just wanted to be friends was basically meant to be a polite brush-off. I mean to say, that unless you had had a row with her, anyone in her position would find it hard to come right out and tell you not to contact her again. Your final, fatal mistake was to lose your mind and keep bugging her.
I don't want to tell you you'll NEVER regain her friendship, but there's VERY little chance of that now. I can't think of anything you could possibly do to get her to change her mind. I suppose you COULD send a Christmas card next year wishing her well - but NOTHING ELSE. Don't be surprised if she doesn't respond, and if she doesn't, DO NOTHING FURTHER.
I'm afraid you'll have to let her go and learn from it.
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A
female
reader, BananaRama323232 +, writes (10 February 2011):
No. Your friendship with her is over and good riddens. She a biotch, pardon my language.
I did this to a boy once when I was childish and rude. She is totally uninterested in you now and she doesn't even want a piece of you in her life. Until she feels unwanted again, then she might pick you up and lead you on in order to feed her lack of security. But once she went to her friends it was over for you two. She had talked enless crap on you in front of them, I can tell you that much. I'm sure most are lies, meant to make herself seem soooo cool that you are literally starving for her love and shes all like, 'im way too good for him, but he like wont stop texting me, its creepy.' Even though that never used to bother her. Its all about the girlfriends. Your friendship is no more because you took it to that next level and it didn't work out. I know its a bummer, but thats how it goes. Sorry bud.
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (10 February 2011):
 She probably felt guilty for sleeping with you. that is not on you. thats her insecurities. Dont try to fall in love with damage goods (hurt women) Every women that you sleep with is not made to be your women or girlfriend. If she is pushing back from you, let her. It saves you time and money
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (10 February 2011):
Why do you want her back. I don't reckon she's a good person to be friends with. She dated you while having a boyfriend. She laughed about you with her friends. What do you expect from her?
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