A
female
age
41-50,
*isslady906
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up. He feel into legal trouble, financial issues and family issues. I tried to be supportive, my life just kept progressing. We were happy together but we didn't spend as much time together since he was working to pay off debt and his lawyer. We broke up, he said I didn't deserve to be strung along. That I had a future and he may not if all isn't well. Guys would you really love someone enough to let them go? Why? I mean I get not wanting to hurt me, but if I am supportive, keep me around, right? But to let me go, is that a cop out or truely an act of love to let me find someone else and progress without waiting for him?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 I could go back to someone, yes, but I would be very afraid of rejection. I am not sure whether he will return to you later. In any case, it would be waiting without knowing for sure whether you will have a chance or not.
Why don't you tell him that he's getting rid of the only good thing he has in life?
A
female
reader, Misslady906 +, writes (26 November 2009):
Misslady906 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for your imput, it all mainly follows a since of insecurity and depression. His legal issue is big and it could possibly take him from me, his money is tight due to that, and his mother has cancer. There are alot of factors here. I did say I would be there and be supportive, but he got more and more upset and said I needed to move one I can't wait for him for the rest of his life. I initally thought it was someone else too, but then I thought if you got all that going on, who are you dating?!?!? But I didn't know if guys really thought like that. That you'd love someone enough to let them go cause you couldn't provide for them, is that love? I'm scared for him, naturally, what do I do now. It seems that the push away is intentional and giving up maybe an only option. Would you come back to someone after you have initially pushed them away?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (25 November 2009):
I am not sure what is going on here. It could be many things.
He might feel depressed and letting you go is his way to give up his hopes of ever improving.
He might honestly feel that sooner or later you will notice he's no good for you, you will leave him, and he'd rather cut his losses now.
Or, he may have someone else.
Don't jump to conclusions about why he does what he does.
On the other hand, I do understand you. Besides the obvious loss of him, his going away seems to come out of the blue and not to have any explanation. It's as if you were suddenly dropped off a plane.
You can't fight your feelings because you know they are correct. Maybe you also feel that, if only you do this or that, he might return. My opinion here is that you should see things coldly and dispassionately. Yes, you love him, and it seems he loves you, but he's leaving you. Can something be done about it? Determine that. If you find it is hopeless, then leave. But please don't think you did anything wrong. It's not you.
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A
female
reader, madlib +, writes (25 November 2009):
Yeah, his depression sounds like an issue...he sees you advancing and he isn't..
He probably feels threatened or insecure with being so unstable...financially, emotionally...sounds like he is following the traditional thought that he is supposed to be the strong and supportive one so being that the tables are turned, he would rather push you away because he is so embarrassed and insecure about his current predicaments....I don't know how invested you are in this relationship but communication is the biggest thing...if you want to salvage anything with him it would start by seeing if he can tell you what is going on in his mind and why he didn't believe the two of you could get through it together...if he can't even answer that, it sounds like he is just shutting down and I would recommend him talking to someone....you know him best...if he is non-chalant about it, then well, he is just using his current situation as an excuse to leave you....He has to feel good about himself before he can feel good about the two of you...and you can't make his insecurities go away or build his self esteem for him....this might be one of those situations where it might be best for you to give him his space and just let him know you are there if he ever needs to talk...but definetly take care of yourself and remember that you can be there for him but being dragged in to his own downward spiral isn't necessary...i mean...he let you go....instead of talking to you or letting you be there to support, he let you go....his way or no way seems a little selfish and he is being passive agressive in his actions, making himself be a martyr...depression and giving up does make people do stupid things....
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 November 2009):
It very much could have been that he wanted you to move on and find someone else. You have progressed, he hasn't, and maybe he feels threatened, or he just felt that you would be better off. It sounds like he could be depressed by all that has happened. Sometimes, the depressed mind can play terrible tricks. You could try talking to him, but his mind is made up I think.
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