A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering if there is anything that an average looking girl could do to grab a guys attention? Is there a (non-slutty) way she could dress? A specific perfume? Any behavior? Something she could say? Have you ever developed an attraction for a girl after hanging out with her? (like initially you didn't consider her attractive but later did)Do average girls just have to be patient and wait for a guy to get to know her personality before he will develop a dating interest? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (31 July 2011):
 I develop feelings without noticing, and then an "average" girl becomes a 10 because they have a sexy man trapping sense of humor or personality
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2011): you can always bite the bullet and you can approach the guy.
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A
male
reader, Mark_25_ +, writes (29 July 2011):
 Heyyy,
I think at our age guys tend to prefer wild / attractive / confident girls, likewise, girls prefer similar character traits in guys, which puts the more average / quiet / shy like us out of the picture.
To answer your question directly, yes I would. In my experience, the girls you call "average", are actually the rarest girls out there. Their personality is better, down to earth, and are far easier to get along with. Unfortunately, as I've said, most guys don't really care about that at our age, but some do. Personally, I would prefer an "average" looking girl, with a great personality than the model and make up type with no personality. As people have said, and to use the cliche again, beauty comes from within.
With your second question, yeah. When I first met the two girls I've been with, I didn't think either of them were that attractive, but once I got to know them and their personality they became really attrative to me.
It really depends on the guy, if he's confident and likes the look of you, great, but, I think "average" attracts average at our age, which links with less confidence, which usually tends to mean you have to get to know each other first before things develop further. From my experience at least.
Grabbing a guys attention, I'd just start by communicating with him, talking, text, facebook, email etc. You'll soon get an idea as to whether he likes you through the way he replies. It's also a great way of getting to know someone.
Whatever you do, don't try and change who you are to try and attract guys, because doing that will tend to attract the guys that aren't worth it. Being patient is probably better in the sense that when you do meet someone he'll be a genuine and decent guy that likes you for who you are.
I hope that helps :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 Are you talking about attracting guys in general or is there one specific guy you have in mind? Are you talking about a shotgun approach (that is to say, broad and vaguely targeted) vs. an individual approach.
Generally.... make sure your hair is clean and shiny, however you wear it--that signals good health. Smell good, there are studies out there on male preferences for perfume, but there's not one fragrance that ALL men like and is guaranteed to attract them. You don't have to smell like a perfume bottle, in many cases guys like the more natural light smell of a woman's own body. Don't slather on makeup, go to a reputable makeup counter, and have someone show you how to highlight your best feature, be it eyes, lips, cheekbones, skin, whatever. If you think you look good, you'll be more confident.
And all the things your mother said. Don't slouch, don't pick at your face or skin, don't chew your nails, don't chew gum. Don't wear ridiculous heels or ill-fitting clothes. Wear clothes that flatter your best bits and reflect the image you want people to have of you. Be conscious about your clothing choices. Don't go down to the corner shop looking like something the cat threw up.
I know some very 'average' looking women who are heavy and yet they draw attention and men because they are funny and witty and warm. I know some very attractive women who are slender and they wind up being overlooked and ignored because they are so high-maintenance. The men LOOK at them but don't really want to get dragged into the bother and hassle of tending to a demanding woman.
Be as fit as you can, without going to extremes. Most guys like to see the curves on a woman, and some of the most attractive curves are created by muscle underlying the skin. I know boobs are thought to be important but honestly I think the overall look of the woman is more important than the specific size of the breasts.
The rest of the aunts have pretty well covered it all.
If you think you are average, then that's exactly what you will be. Energy follows thought.....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 July 2011):
 ummm MOST of the world is average... that's how we get an average after all..
honestly if attraction is all about looks that's pretty shallow.. granted it the FIRST thing most folks notice BUT then they still have to get to know the other person in order to decide to stay friends with them....
you have to be true to yourself. the right fit will happen...
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (29 July 2011):
 "I am wondering if there is anything that an average looking girl could do to grab a guys attention? Is there a (non-slutty) way she could dress? A specific perfume? Any behavior?"
Sure. As long as you take care of your appearance, you can do fine. Stay in shape, grow your hair long, learn to dress and apply makeup in a way that emphasizes your good features without looking slutty, and you're golden. If you aren't seeing results fast enough, step up and go introduce yourself to a guy. Best bet is to make eye contact for just a second or two longer than is comfortable, smile a lot, and do your best to look approachable. Dress to emphasis either boobs, butt, or legs, one at a time, to strike the balance between good looks and approachability.
"Something she could say?"
Most guys operate under the belief that the bet way to talk to a girl is to ask her questions and get her talking about herself and her life's drama, then just listen patiently until she likes him. Instead of doing that, be interested in what he has to say. Keep statements about yourself short, and use them as a bridge to a new topic. You will stand out to guys if you talk about ideas and ideals, rather than just about interpersonal drama. Have interests, and be interested in what he has to say.
"Have you ever developed an attraction for a girl after hanging out with her? (like initially you didn't consider her attractive but later did)"
Yup. Happens all the time. It's more common for guys who are single and don't have a lot of options, or to guys who lack the confidence for a direct approach, but can happen to any guy. Best way to make that happen is not to play games, just be friendly, funny, and considerate. The only downside is waiting for that to happen takes time, so if this is how you're hoping to get a guy, you'll need to be very patient.
"Do average girls just have to be patient and wait for a guy to get to know her personality before he will develop a dating interest?"
That is one option. The others are to look more approachable, to get your friends to set you up with guys, or to do the approaching yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): Actually, the vast majority of the population falls into the "average" category. And average looking men date average looking women. There are few stunningly beautiful people out there and they usually live in their own little world and feed on other people's admiration, which would make them terrible as partners anyway.
When I was a teenager I believed that guys were only interested in very attractive girls. But as I got older, I realized that guy's standards when it comes to women's looks aren't nearly as high as I thought they were.
I had a friend who was a very average looking girl, I wouldn't even call her pretty. You wouldn't believe how many guys were into her and how much compliments she was getting. So I realized if guys find HER so beautiful it means they don't really expect girls to look like supermodels.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): "I am wondering if there is anything that an average looking girl could do to grab a guys attention? Is there a (non-slutty) way she could dress? A specific perfume? Any behavior?" The clothes don't matter as much as how wearing them makes you feel. If you feel sexy and confident in clothes then that's what will attract us. Seriously it's more the attitude that the clothes give than the clothes themselves. Perfume? Anything sweet and subtle. Behaviour? Your natural behaviour, playful and confident.
"Something she could say?" Hi, my name is ______, what's yours?
"Have you ever developed an attraction for a girl after hanging out with her?" Yes of course. The rules are easy. A beautiful girl with an ugly personality becomes ugly in our eyes over time. An average, plain looking girl with a beautiful personality will become physically beautiful to us over time.
"Do average girls just have to be patient and wait for a guy to get to know her personality before he will develop a dating interest?" Average girls are our favourite for asking out and dating, they're more approachable generally have better personalities and average girls get the best selection too. Beautiful girls get inundated by sleazes and assholes, ugly girls struggle to get noticed. But an average girl who feels sexy, is confident and obviously happy with herself is something most guys can't resist.
Look for you purposes and attracting guys, you will have to make a visual effort. You will have to wear the right clothes, smell nice and above all give off the impression of happiness, fun and confidence, even if you have to fake those. No guy is really going to find out what your personality is like if he doesn't find you attractive enough to approach. But don't worry about that too much, seeing as you'd literally have to be in the most frumpy weird clothes, sitting alone in the corner with an angry look on your face drinking alone to never be approached.
Seriously, even if you had seven heads and 42 eyes, as long as you're feeling good, having fun and open to meeting new people, guys will find you attractive and want to get to know you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 July 2011):
 There is one thing you can do - remember there is no such thing as 'average'. To some men you will be a goddess, someone unattainable, someone they can only hope to be with.
Yes to some men you might be average, or might not be their cup of tea - but to others you will be gorgeous. Take women and Justin Timberlake for example. I know a lot of girls who think he is gorgeous and incredibly attractive, whereas to me I think he is awful looking and definitely less than 'average'!
What you think about yourself is not representiative of what other people think about you - what you see in the mirror isnt necessarily what other people see when they look at you. So there will be plenty of men out there that think you are above average, and there will be men who think you are below average, and then some in the middle. That is life - we are all humans with different tastes, different likes and dislikes, so you are going to definitely be very attractive to some people out there!
As other posters have said - all you can do is be yourself. Wear the perfume that you like wearing and makes you feel confident, wear clothes that suit your body shape and show off your best assets, smile a lot, make eye contact with guys and generally be a happy, confident person.
I am not attractive to many men, I am not the fashionable skinny girl with hair extensions that we see in the media so much. I am short, with huge boobs, big hips and a small waist. I have long dark hair, short legs, and occasionally bad skin. I know for a fact a lot of guys arent attracted to me. But because I've learnt to love my shape and make the most of what I have, I find I never struggle for male attention. I wear figure hugging dresses that sit on the knee but reveal a bit of cleavage (never too much though!), I always try and wear my hair down, make the most of my eyes (my best feature) and wear heels when I am out to give me some height.
I have accepted I'm not going to be appealing to everyone, but through making the most of myself I certainly appeal to a good number of men and I get chatted up/asked out all the time. Anyone can be attractive as long as they have accepted themselves and have learnt what their best assets are and how to use them.
You are not average, you are beautiful and will have many great things going for you. Embrace them and be the best you can be, then I am sure in time with a bit of patience a great guy will come along and will fancy the pants off you, they wont have to wait until they get to know you!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 Who told you you were average? And what exactly does average mean, the last time I checked there wasn't a huge bulk of "average" similarly people walking around. They all look different, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Define average if you can, and I am certain all of us will fall into that category one way or the other.
Women get men's attention purely because they are women. Average or beautiful or ugly, whatever you think you are, men like women. Pretty much. So if you aren't getting any attention it's more to do with you being shy and not being easily accessible, than it's to do with your looks. Be approachable! Be friendly! Smile, greet people, remember their names, be welcoming, use your body language to come across as an open person (meaning don't cross your arms and give everyone the angry librarian stare).
I don't like using terms that grade some over the other, but to make the point here: beautiful women don't get any more attention than every other woman unless she welcomes it. And slutty is NOT the way to go unless you're looking for an equally slutty man.
"Have you ever developed an attraction for a girl after hanging out with her?" That's the only way to develop an attraction towards anyone, unless all you were after was something to jerk off to when you're alone. You can however let your personality shine through before needing to speak with the said person. By choosing clothes that represents you (alternative clothes if you're an alternative person, mature outfits if you're a serious person etc.) Wear things you feel comfortable in. Clothes make the man as they say, and by choosing an outfit you choose what image you want people to get of you.
Example: I got a ton of attention when wearing a final fantasy shirt to a club (chocobo on the back), all the guys used it as a conversation starter and the shirt made me approachable.
You also use body language to state what mood you are in, and if you are approachable. If you're a person who smiles a lot, or laughs, you will appear as welcoming and easy to get to know. If you look like you just ate a lemon people will naturally shy away.
You get the idea. You choose what you want to come across as, and it's got very little to do with your natural assets (which by the way can be manipulated into whatever you want by the right make-up and right outfits).
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A
male
reader, Ronnie70 +, writes (29 July 2011):
 In my experience all women are average looking first thing in the morning before the hair is sorted out and the make-up applied. True beauty comes from within and is visible to most males above the age of 30 once their hormones have died down.
The only advice worth giving is 'be yourself'. If you see a guy you like the look of, don't be shy - go and talk to him, smile at him, engage him in small-talk. Maybe you're giving off an 'I'm unavailable' aura.
Perfumes are in the nose of the beholder, as it were; one man's passion might be another man's poison.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): Ever meet someone that would be considered "average" if you just looked at them, but once you meet them you're incredibly attracted to him? Why? Because they are confident! Theres this guy at my school. He's not attractive whatsoever. However, he is the funniest thing I have ever met! He's funny and confident and that makes half the girls at my school fall for him. If you want to be more appealing, you need to be confident.
Another thing, what some people find hideous, others find immensly attractive. Theres no real say on what pretty is. My sister is drop dead georgous, but she has her fair share of guys that consider her to be nothing special. You're more beautiful than you think and plenty of guys willl want to be with you!
Good luck :)
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