A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this amazingly gorgeous and super smart guy for over three months now. In the first weeks he was really into me, taking me out to dinner all the time and really affectionate with me. After two months I made the mistake of telling him I love him, and he didn't say anything back. It has been a further month and he still hasn't uttered those words. In fact, he's just stopped being affectionate and romantic altogether now, and he gets grumpy with me really quick. Like last night I made a special effort to make him a dessert that I know he loves, but it didn't go down as well as I'd hoped, and then this morning before work he got really grumpy with me for no reason and when I went to kiss him, he turned away :-( now he's taking hours to return any of my messages, and I'm worried he's lost interest in me. Guys, what the hell? Why do you do this to us girls? It's really cruel to rope us in with romance and lovey doveyness, and then stop doing it as soon as we fall for you! It's heartbreaking and not very fair! So, do you think he has lost interest in me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pared down  +, writes (20 July 2012):
 if hes a good looking guy, girls are prob always falling for him too fast, he may be tired of that and enjoy having to work for love, or directing the relaitonship with the pace. instead of talking to him--which is what feels right to us as girls--my i suggest to not talk to him. hes not a moron. if you dont speak to him or contact him for a few days he will put two and two together that its becasue he was gruff with you and if he desires you, he will contact you. switch it around and im sure there was a time when you had a guy who was way into you, the more he gushed, the more you felt invaded or felt at liberty to get crabby with the guy. if that guy came right back to you and had a heart to heart, you'd be like ugggg. but if you snapped at him and he, in turn, didnt talk to you for a few days that would send you a message, yeah? if you dug the guy [but just felt a bit overhwelmed by him or by the way he was expressing himself--or being too nice] then you might value him more, feel respect for him that he stood up to your crabby side, etc--all that unspoken stuff without a word. girls can and do get vulnerable, expecially when we're having amazing sex with a guy, we do equate it alot of times with love becasue the feelings of sensuality are for this guy and that produces a feeling of love in a girl. its not just sex, there is a context to it and thats emotional. its not reasonable to think you can date someone for three months and not have sex. sex is part of the process of opening to someone. but many times, the guy feels the girl move ahead of where he is and becasue hes a guy and that robs him of being the one to pursue you, he kind of snaps out of the process of drawing you in. draw back and see what happens.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 July 2012):
 The "key" to your query is this: Are you putting out for this guy?
Some of your submittal - for example: "...then this morning before work he got really grumpy with me for no reason...." - leads me to believe that you and he share an address... or, at least, spend nights in the same bed. Is that so?????
If "yes," then you are partaking of that dangerous game, wherein guys act "like guys".... and take advantage of womens' quickness to believe that you (women) are "in a relationship".... when we guys - quite to the contrary - have now gotten you to put out.... so we can STOP acting nicely toward you....
The SECRET to it all is to NOT put out for guys who are jerks.... AND to seek (and find!) one who really gives a damn for you... BEFORE putting out for him!!!!
Good luck.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): "Guys, what the hell?"Speaking as a guy but not for all guys, first of all, not all guys engage in such behavior, I certainly don't. "Why do you do this to us girls?"Guys who engage in such behavior do so because they think they can get away with it, usually based on previous experience with similar types of girls (not all) who are taken in by wining and dining, fawning and flattery, attention and affection. "It's really cruel to rope us in with romance and lovey doveyness, and then stop doing it as soon as we fall for you! It's heartbreaking and not very fair!"Guys who engage in such behavior might counter that when girls "fall for" them because they're "amazingly gorgeous and super smart" or "he was really into me, taking me out to dinner all the time and really affectionate with me," the attraction is superficial and shallow, they don't really "love" the guy as much as they love what he does for them, and therefore any resulting relationship is based on mutual ego-stroking and ego-fulfillment in exchange for mutual physical satisfaction. What personality and character traits do you find endearing or admirable? What mutual interests, shared life experiences and future plans or goals do you have in common? What would you do for him that you wouldn't do for yourself? What does he do for you that he wouldn't do for himself?"So, do you think he has lost interest in me?"No, it's just that now that you're "roped in", he's getting exactly what he wants from you and so he no longer feels compelled to exert the same amount of effort to continue sleeping with you as was required to lure you into bed in the first place.
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A
female
reader, Love.  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 I'm not a male answering this; But just be upfront with him and ask him if he was alright or not with you saying the L word. Just be open and honest that's the best you can do. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2012): Firstly, and with all due respect, you think women are angels? I was led on by a woman, no wait, 'silly little girl' (but supposedly meant to be 21 or 22 years old), who led me on to the point that I would have proposed to her, then suddenly turned around and...well...basically ruined me.
Moving on though...I think you should just ask him what's going on. Perhaps he's just under a lot of stress at work at the moment. Perhaps he's been hurt before and is afraid of rushing things, going too quickly. If things don't go so well asking him, then unfortunately it may be the case that he may have lost interest in you - this could have just been infatuation on his part.
Hope this helps, if only somewhat, and apologies if the first part of this answer offends you or something.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (18 July 2012):
 I am not a man either, but it is a little quick to say you love someone after only 3 months of dating. Sit down with him and tell him you do not like how things are between the two of you and you are sorry for moving too quickly by saying what you said. It is not cruel for men to take a step back when they think a woman is moving too fast or pressuring them to be a certain way. It's honest. Most of the men I know are very careful about using the word "love" and do not use it hastily. He is not necessarily on the same time table as you are when it comes to using that word.
Talk with him about this and don't over-do things. It sounds like you are chasing him even harder now that he has pulled away. Don't. Back off a little after talking with him. This is a situation where giving the man space is just what is needed. Just be honest and say it was a little quick, that you are sorry, but that you do not want to ruin things or pressure him as you really like him.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 July 2012):
Because at your age, that is what a lot of guys do. When I was that age, my interest in women also moved quickly from one to another. Its nothing personal against you, its just us following our evolutionary program. Some men get through this phase faster than others, and some never get out of it. The threat of committement only makes us want to move faster in many cases.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (18 July 2012):
 I'm not a male answering this; but it could be for him your moving too fast, and he wants to slow the pace a little.
Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, Angel S +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Hey,
Well something has changed, and his actions are evidence of this. I don't see how he could have lost interest in you just because you said you loved him, although I am not a guy so maybe I just don't understand. It really isn't fair how he is making you suffer in the relationship and directing all this negative behaviour towards you when you have done nothing wrong! Perhaps you should ask him whether he has a problem, and if he wants to know why you think that, tell him how you have felt pushed out and how his behaviour has suddenly changed.
Something has got to be done so you kow where you stand, even if he did think it was a slight shock or whatever I can't see a reason for him to be this selfish and treating you so badly. Don't stand for it, ask him if there is a problem in his life. His sudden change could be because of something else going on his life, either way you don't need to put up with it.
Hope everything works out.
Xo xo
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A
male
reader, Geriatric Emo +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Sounds like commitment phobia to me. Sorry if this comes across as harsh, but to me it sounds like he isn't sure of his feelings for you, and while he enjoys having you around, he doesn't necessarily want to get tied down.
If that's the case, you telling him you love him will have struck icy fear into his heart. He didn't seem to be taking the relationship so seriously, and now he knows you've caught feelings and are going to end up hurt. The mixture of guilty conscience and irritation at an apparently clingy partner might explain his cold behaviour.
Either way, his lack of reciprocation when you said "I love you" is a bad sign. If I were you I'd distance yourself from him and make yourself unavailable, and he'll either let this relationship go or will start making more of an effort. If he does come crawling back you need him to talk to you about his behaviour, and spell it out that you will not tolerate the same again in future.
Good luck.
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