A
female
age
36-40,
*uuucy
writes: We've been together for a year and half and been living together for almost a year. I met him 2 years ago while he was separating from his ex. We first became great friends before we got together and I also helped him to get through the hard times after their separation.He's got two lovely 26 months old twin boys with his ex who were introduced to more then a year ago. Since then we've been hanging together 2 or 3 times a week and got close. My partner and his ex rarely did things together with the kids as they didnt get on well.But lately she started initiating activities for them to do together. I'd love my partner to spend as much time as he wants with his kids as he loves them and they love him to but I feel left out as I got attached to them to and I consider them as my "family" and it hurts when they do things together without me.His ex doesn't want to meet me. We bumped into each other couple of times and she was always very polite to me. But at the same time she doesnt want me to be even waiting in the car while my partner picks up the kids.I also recently saw a phone msg from her saying something about them going together to Disneyland and my partner replied that it would be awesome.My partner gets easily stressed so it's hard for me to talk with him about these things. He always says that his ex would go crazy if he did this or didnt do that. Which I had respect for at the start because of the children involved to but I'm now losing it.I should probably also mention that I had an abortion when I got pregnant after we had been together for 9 months because it wasn't "the right time" and I'm still heartbroken.My partner is a great guy and we recently went overseas together to meet my family.But I can't get rid of this feeling that there's something wrong.
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abortion, heartbroken, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2012): Hi guys thank you all for the great answers! That's a support I needed to stand by opinions and feelings. I've tried to talk to him twice since he got back yesterday but he refuses to talk to me he even got really angry when I approached him the first time as he guesses what it's going to be about. Hes so happy with the fact that he finally gets on with his ex he doesn't want to even think about changing anything even though he could sense that I was quite upset (I got teary because I was sick at home with kidney infection and couldn't help myself thinking about them being together as a family and having great time). He thinks that I'm being bad by feeling bad about him hanging out with his sons and their mom.
I don't know how to get him to talk without making him upset. He's been nice to me and wants to act like nothing's happened.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 There really IS "something wrong"....and you'll be wise to figure it out before you spend much more time with... and become any more involved with.... this guy.
He's got all he wants.... a G/F who is convenient for sex.... the kids he produced with his ex-.... and now, apparently... the peace and quiet of him and his ex- making a truce and working together to raise those kids...
Good luck...
P.S. WHO was the primary person who encouraged your abortion?????
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (18 July 2012):
 If he is going with his ex, he should respectfully and maturely tell her that you are a couple and if he goes, you will also be going. It is unfair that he is not including you in these things. If the ex does not want to meet you, fine. Then he should have his regular visitation with the kids and you and he should take the kids somewhere.
Honeypie had an excellent response. Your bf is not standing up for you and the relationship he has with you.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (18 July 2012):
 When he does things with his kids, it should be with you, not his ex. He needs to understand that you are his family now, not his ex. What he's doing is just not normal. When he understands this, he needs the backbone to say "no" to his ex and to explain why.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2012):
 You know, kids at 26 months (little over two years ) are BARELY going to remember Disneyland. So the trip would be for the parents. I don't think the ex is being fair and I think your BF is coddling her, because she hold all the power of the kids/visitations.
I would sit him down, stressed or not, this isn't fair on you. You are being treated like you are the 4th down his list of priorities.
#1 his kids (that one is fine)
#2 his ex (not OK)
#3 his work
#4 YOU.
You two need a SERIOUS conversation.
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