A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:For the last year I've been having an affair with a woman who's ten years younger. We love each other very much. She's got everything I wish I would have found in someone, before I married my wife. She's beautiful and has a great body, my wife could care less about how she looks and she's gained a lot of weight. My lover has a great job, my wife works a crappy low paying job and doesn't want better. I've had sex With my wife (pretty bad sex) about 3 times in the last year, I've had sex with my lover once and it was awesome. My wife is very nice, so I don't want to hurt her, but I think of my lover all the time. My marriage is more like a roommate set up. We are both married, she has kids, I don't. She wants to end this affair or leave our spouses and be together. I don't know what to do. Any advice would help.
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female
reader, mooh  +, writes (29 May 2012):
It's obvious that your romantic feelings for your wife are gone and you aren't interested in trying to salvage your wedding.
Regardless of the situation with your lover, you should get a divorce because you clearly don't fill fulfilled with your wife and if you stay with her you will probably just become more and more bitter (staying out of guilt with someone is a poor excuse and quite insulting to the other person). Your wife can then find someone who will treat her with more consideration.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): Stop being a coward and divorce your wife that your not happy with. I am so tired of hearing about men and their desire to cheat on their wife/girlfriend because they don't have the balls to do the right thing and to end it. I guess it's all the excitement and the thrill of the chase. I bet if you do finally move on and be with this "hottie" girlfriend, you will get too comfortable and probably be in the same position again... There is always someone younger and prettier out there! ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2012): Is it really fair to your "wife", if you stick around and think about other women? Obviously,you should have more respect for her because she is the victim.
second, things may seem all perfect because its a step up from your "wife", but remember the same way you start a relationship is the same way you end a relationship, be careful.
Third but lastly, If your not happy in the relationship then end it, there's no reason to just sit around and be unhappy, do what makes you happy. sometimes you have to put yourself first.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Hi
I wonder why or how your wife changed so much from the woman you loved and married? She may not have a high powered career, but she does work. She may have put on weight and lost interest in sex because she is unhappy, you dont make her feel good. SO either you work on the marriage or give up and walk away. Set her free too.
Your cheating on her and have been having an affair for the last year. Maybe your wife knows, maybe thats why she doesn't want sex with you?
Dont expect this new woman to answer all your problems, it may be fun at first, so was your marriage. Leave your wife because your unhappy,because youve tried to make it work but failed - not because you have found some replacement.
Sit down and talk to your wife, tell her its over that your going. No more sneaking around be honest. Treat her with dignity and respect. Then leave.You can then both find happiness elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, mpumie  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 When u first met her u where in love that's why u married her. Why are man like this. Its always about them an their ego. Yo miss perfect is married with kids. To be honest she destroy what she has built just for u. She has a family for a reason. Women are emotional beings. Ur the one that is happy not her. she won't just divorce her man for u. Maybe yo wife is having problems, a deeper ones. Before u do anything like this first get to the bottom of this and find out what is the matter cause when u met her she was not like this. Stop being selfish. Just try for once. And if she wants a divorce that's when u can live her in peace.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Your call.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): Your wife doesn't seem to want a sex life with you, she doesn't take care of herself, and isn't ambitious enough to contribute more. I have a hard time being sympathetic for her if her man leaves her for someone else.
But I think you should have sat her down and told her that you were starting to feel like the romance/marriage is failing, rather than go out and have an affair.
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A
male
reader, MrMcgalliard +, writes (24 May 2012):
go with the one your most happy with...which sounds to me is your sexy affair buddy...happiness is what you should aim for, sounds like your affair buddy has more going for her really...im practically in the same situation...perhaps i should take my own advice
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2012): Your lover has the right idea that this affair has to stop and a definite decision one way or another has to be made.what decision should you make? I think you should leave your wife because it looks like your marriage was always very unsatisfying long before you even met your lover.so yes you should leave your wife. but don't count on things working out with your lover, and don't be so sure that she will leave her husband and be with you. that's just a risk you're going to have to take, and maybe it will work out.but you should leave your wife because you never really wanted her, which makes the marriage permanently weak, and which is why you can find yourself getting into affairs like now. Solve your marriage problem first (get out of the marriage rather than dragging it out when it's so unsatisfying), then learn how to make better relationship decisions next time around whether it's with this new woman or with someone else in the future.And yes your wife is a nice person which is why you owe it to her to divorce her now rather than keep on "pretending" with her by staying in a marriage when you're so unattracted to her and wishing you could have a better life elsewhere. Even if you ended your affair you would resent your wife for it and that's not fair to her so leave her now so she can find someone better suited to her.
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A
female
reader, Less +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Wow, you got yourself in a big mess. What I have learned over the years, sometimes your heart loves the most impossible things to have. You can't have both sides be okay with any decision you make. Your wife still loves you deep down, even though she might not show it. Try to talk about your marriage and find out what kind of position you are in. If you are having doubts still, go to marriage counselling. In my eyes, marriage isn't something you just give up to find new love. It should be built on love and should have its obstacles to show each other that you still care. Both of you have to contribute to the relationship. It shouldn't just be one person, because it is sure to end that way. However, if your wife is not willing and doesn't feel the connection anymore; both of you need to figure out if you both need a divorce. It shouldn't be just you deciding it because you want another woman. Your wife will surely be devastated. And you still care for your wife right? You don't want to hurt her. So both of you need to figure something out so you can both be happy.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 Don't leave your marriage hoping your lover would do the same. When you leave you accept the possibility that you would be all by yourself and you have to be okay that even if you are alone it is still better than a sexless marriage. A divorce gives you an opportunity to have a more passionate life, and it's not a guarantee that things would work out with your lover.
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