A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a little embarrassing. I have enjoyed masturbation for many years, and then for my seventeenth birthday my weird but lovely best friend bought me a vibrator. Ever since then I have loved using them on a daily basis. I was quite a late starter as far as sex is concerned, but now at the age of 24 I have my first boyfriend. We met four months ago, and I really enjoy sex with him. I feel so loved, but it’s a totally different experience. I never get the really powerful orgasms that I do using a vibrator. Now, here’s the tricky part: he doesn’t know I use a vibrator. I am determined to tell him, because if we are going to be together all the time, he’s bound to find out. Does it bother you guys if your girlfriend uses a vibrator?
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best friend, orgasm, vibrator Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2014): I've been using a vibrator since high school I am now 45 years old. I was married for 6 years and never brought it out during sex because I was embarrassed but always use it by myself. but without my vibrator I could never come during sex. Hence a lifetime of disappointment. I got divorced 5 years ago and ever since then I have come out of my vibrator closet and my vibrators have come out of the toy box. I just bring them out during sex with a partner and I've never had a complaint. I've actually had them asked me if we could play with it again. its always fun to give it a name. I have one vibrator that has four different names because the men like to get involved in the naming. Lol. now I have the most satisfying sex ever!!!! I get a good silicone based lubricant and use it generously so you don't have to stop at intervals to get more wetness. at first I need a few glasses of wine to loosen up but now I just like to bring it out and surprise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): I've wondered about this for some time. I find it strange that it seems a lot of women use their vibrators and assume it wouldn't bother their boyfriend, yet would these same women mind if they knew that their boyfriend looked at porn as often as the women used her vibrator?
Both are private sexual stimulants yet I think women find men who look at porn to disrespectful and often complain they shouldn't be doing it. Doesn't this come under the same category? I would take this on board when considering telling your boyfriend.
(I'm aware of the sweeping generalisations I have made and the differences between visual and material aids. It is more of a discussion point for the aunts than a direct assumption.)
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female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (13 June 2009):
 Guys normaly find it a turn on that their girlfriend uses a vibrator.
Why don't you offer to use it in your sex life? Some guys love to use toys together in the bedroom and it brings a totaly different thing into sex and it keeps everything intresting.
Tell your guy :)
Livia
xoxox
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male
reader, Skellington  +, writes (13 June 2009):
 Well, it would bother me if she used it behind my back and not telling me about it.
But, otherwise, no. I'd be fine with it.
I would much enjoy cuffing my girl to the bed and then torturing her with something like that. Mwahahahaha! ;)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Thanks for the advice. I'll be a bit sensitive about what I tell him. Don't get me wrong, he still brings me to orgasm, and he totally satisfies me (oh yeah!), but it is a different experience with a vibrator.
We were virgins when we met, so we are both beginners at this, and I'm not always sure what to say to him. He is my first boyfriend after all. I like to think of myself as mature, but when I look at my friends age who have been going out with boys for ten years or so, I sometimes feel like a real beginner.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): It seems a lot of guys are afraid to comment now that the females around here have pretty much threatened them into saying anything negative at all...
Truth is yes, it will bother a lot of guys. Men don't seperate love from sex, we can just have sex on its own, but love will always come with the sex. Women can much more easily do this in my experience, but not men - it's why you'll find that men rarely take back a cheating partner much less than women do. This is just to give you an understanding on how men operate considering sex.
So you see love and sex comes as one for men, and sex is an expression of that care for us. If you're enjoying somewhere even if it doesn't diminish what you feel about the guy, men will still get hurt because they can't help but feel that sex = the measure of care/affection/love. It's natural and genetic, we can't help it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Overall, it looks like the majority of women that posted have been able to use vibrators to spice things up and that's healthy so I think since you and your man have had plenty of good sex for months without it, it shouldn't be a threat to your sex life or him. The males posting make great points about it not being a replacement or the only way you can orgasm (not your case) so I think you have a big go right ahead sign on introducing it. If he doesn't seem to keen on the idea, then use it for masturbation for now and keep enjoying the wonderful orgasms he gives you and introduce it slowly like letting him watch which will turn him on and he can slowly open up to the idea. Have fun! Good lord, don't dump him or freak out if he's a little hesitant (that screams issues on your part), he'll get over it!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): male anon makes a good defining point. I don't mind vibrators and it's fun to mix it up every once in a while (the sound though does get to me bzzzzzzzzzzz) but if she NEEDS the vibrator then that's a different story. All you women complain about porn and how the guy can't perform if he's some addict and that's the same as some broad that can't enjoy sex without it. Both cases these people are sexually frigid when porn or a device replaces the real thing....cut your losses, they ain't worth your time. So long as its introduced to him as a different experience (good thing) and not the whole experience (bad thing) then it sounds like a lot of fun to me! One big happy family with good vibes...bzzzzzzzz...but schedule in some alone time too without electric daddy.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Hey, I have no problems with vibrators but if its the ONLY way she can get off....total deal breaker for almost ALL guys. don't tell him the vibrator gives you more powerful orgasms....ever.
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female
reader, cindy888 +, writes (11 June 2009):
I really agree with Emilyanswers and be sensitive to his feelings. When your first dating they want to feel like they are the ones bringing you to orgasm but if you can't have an orgasm without a toy then they should be mature enough to understand that but some men won't if you can't. My experience has been most men don't really like it all that much but younger guys in their twenties seem to be into it so you should be fine. I think it's a generational thing. I don't think it's confidence related either because just like what a vibrator does for the woman, it's like a helping a man manually jack off which I consider to be boring if it's routine. My ex wanted me to use anal beads on him and that kind of bothered me but it's not because I lack confidence it's just that sex shouldn't always involve extra bells and whistles. If I'm having sex with a guy and he can't ejaculate and then needs to pull out and get himself off with his hands (I've had that happen before) it makes me feel a little inadequate so I think some men would feel that way too about a vibrator if you need it, instead of them to have an orgasm. Maybe that makes me an idiot or not confident or that I need to grow up but I don't like that and I feel much better and happy when I am with someone that can actually have an orgasm because they are having sex with me and I can do that for them. I can't speak for everyone but that's what makes me feel fantastic and I don't think I'm a waste of time because of it. I'm confident enough to know that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): Well I asked my friend this and he said `sometimes` however the reason was because he is my ex and I have replaced him. Yes I have obviously but only because he is my ex! When we were together it was fine. I think as every one else has said that the guys who are bothered by it have confidence problems in the bedroom which you could try going without the dildo in the bedroom a few times then introduce it slowly. That would probably work best I think.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Most of the girls I've known have a vibrator or a dildo, it never bothered me. Sometimes when we couldnt be together. we'd have phone sex and she used her toy thinking of me. I think is very normal and I dont mind it one bit
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): sex toys are there to use and enjoy! If a toy bothers him then well the others gave you that answer x
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (10 June 2009):
 My man was shocked when he found out that I had NEVER used a vibrator and he went out and bought me one ASAP. Thank God for him, because it is awesome and I had been totally missing out. He loves me, he loves the vibrator, we're all a big, happy family.
If your guy is intimidated by your vibrator, he's an insecure man whose problems go beyond your sex toy. So don't worry about it! Chicks masturbate! So do guys! He'll get over it if he's unhappy - but he'll probably feel totally cool about your vibrator, so there's no need to stress! Sending you "good vibes" (couldn't help it, i heart puns) and good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): I'm an older guy (mid-50s) and yes I'm sure it would bother me.
I cannot compete with a phallus rated in volts, amps, and rpm. It sounds like something in a hotrod magazine (pun intended). What if she likes it better than she likes me? It will be bigger and last longer, two things that concern a lot of guys anyway.
If I was convinced somehow that it didn't replace me as Number 1 in her sex life I would not have a problem with it. But I don't know what it would take to convince me.
What has convinced all these other guys making comments? How would a guy ever rreally know? Most guys think way too highly about their sexual abilities, probably because their gfs know what they want to hear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): I wouldn't exactly tell him that the vibrator is much mroe pleasing than he is, but otherwise it shouldn't bother him. Women have hormones too so men aren't the only ones who get to masturbate!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): i am a man i would love to see any woman using a viberator
or any sex toy especially if that woman is my GF
and i dont think any guy would mind this pleasure !!
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1 +, writes (10 June 2009):
Absolutely not,my partner and i use them all the time,infact he goes and buys mine.Its all part of our love making ritual.I feel i can be myself and let myself go with him.I would gently put it to him,and ask how he feels about it.The look on his face when asked should reveal all.x
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male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (10 June 2009):
 Men should never feel threatened by a woman using a vibrator. He should feel fantastic. His woman is comfortable with her own sexuality, and knows how to have orgasms. If she can show him how she uses it, even better. If your boyfriend feels threatened in any way, he needs to grow up a little. I would get it out next time you have sex, and guage his reaction. I know what mine would be! Awesome!Best of luck.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 June 2009):
I think if you are only just together then yes it will bother him.
Not every guy is that secure about his performance in the bedroom and it could well be that he feels a bit threatened by the fact that you have sex with him, but then go to your vibrator for an actual orgasm.
I wouldn't tell him. Just let him find out in his own time. Pretty much all girls have them so it's only going to be as bad as when he finds out that you do actually Poo and use tampons etc.
It's not a big thing but do try and be a little sensitive to his feelings.
Some men are pretty fragile about size and stuff like that.
Good Luck!! xx
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