A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A question for all you guys out there...Why do you watch porn even if your sex life is brilliant? why do you feel the need to watch some random girl when you have your girlfriend? Do you know how it makes normal, non-plastic women feel when there boyfriends are masturbating over some perfect pornstar? does it make you see your girlfreind as less attractive? if not then why still watch it?I dont want to be called insecure or anything please. I just wanted to know the answer to all these questionsThanks x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): There are a billion degrees of freedom here for why men use porn. At first I was curious what women looked like. That took me up til I was 12 or 14. Then I masterbated to pictures of porn because I didn't have a girl friend. After I got married and realized I wasn't that good in bed, I made a careful study of how women masturbate, so that I could bring my wife to orgasm. God how I love to do that. The female sexual response is just so amazing. Looking at so many vaginas, and women going at it, every now and again, some women would document the fact that hey, there is something coming out when she climaxes, my god, that looks just the same as what comes out of me when I climax, so pornography again became a means of discovery on "proof." looking at so many vaginas, and women experienceing orgasm, seeing them glisten, made me realize that i was an idiot. The vagina was not the center of the woman's sexaul response. I learned how to touch the clitoris, and that it is the same tissue as a man's penis.
This is all good and fine, but there have been other times when I was feeling dejected, and to be sure porn offered an out. In one of my graduate classes I was suprised to see that porn was right up there with drug abuse, alcohol abuse, fighting, etc, for what people turn to when they have beed diminished.
Perhaps the best read on this site on the subject is from beentheredonethat. She talks about porn use by men being duct tape for a deeper problem. I tend to agree that she is right about this, not withstanding some of my experiences with porn that I felt were perfectly healthy, and brought alot of happiness into my relationship with my wife. I would tend to think of it as drinking, or any item that can be addictive, it's a problem when it affects those in your life that you love.
I would suggeset don't be down on the boy, someone who is 5-hours straight on the porn sites is medicating a deeper hurt, and there is a good chance (I'd say 99%+ chance, but you know 92% of statistics used in conversation are made up the moment they are uttered) his porn use has nothing to do with you, and he has no connection in his mind with your body and what he sees on the internet. Some times porn is just fun, other times it's unhealthly. Don't do anything you are uncomfortable with, but if you care about the guy, try watching porn together, and find something you could agree on. It takes the stigma away, moves in a step towards understanding, and gives you space and experience to talk from. From here you might be able to find out what his pain is, and really then become a friend.
There was a scene in Larry Flint, where he kicked his herion addiction, after his surgrery, he stopped, because it didn't hurt anymore. If it is your desire for him to leave porn behind, finding and addressing this pain might be your best bet. My bes guess without knowing any of the particulars in your life or his, is that there is something in his life that makes him feel really diminished--figure out what it is and you might be on to something. Your lad has to be open to what is going on. I love the ppsychologist joke in this area: How many light pschhologist does it take to change a light bulb? A. One, but the light bulb has to want to change. You can't foist you desire to have him quite porn on him. But if you take away his pain, by helping him solve his problems, he won't feel a need to hit it so often, and could then enjoy it responsibly, like say you enjoy a beer or wine from time to time. Beentheredonethat will tell you addictive personalities will tend to trade off one addiction for another--I tend to agree with her on this--but the next addiction he latches on to might be a creative, passionate and positive one, and in the process he may be able to put it behind him. Who knows, in the process you may help someone heal. You could do worse.
All the best.
fixedgearhead
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): So, if I really don't like that men watch porn, then should I not go out with them, should I not have a boyfriend or even live with him? My brain knows that it's kind of 'necessary' for men to have that relief every-now-and-then (if not quite regularly) but my heart feels against it. Or do I just need time to 'digest' the thought and I will be able to move on and deal with it later? Thanks.
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A
male
reader, HarryFlashman  +, writes (18 March 2010):
There have been a lot of good answers already. I think we watch it because it is easy and pleasurable, because men like watching women have sex, because it relieves pent up sexual needs (and younger men can easily have such needs, even if they have a good sex life -- in my twenties, I could probably come five times a day), and because they are curious -- while not realistic, porn shows things you may never see from your woman. And probably a hundred more reasons.
But mostly because it is easy and pleasurable. C. Grant gave a very honest answer above -- sex with women is very pleasurable, but they are a lot more demanding than watching porn is. Sometimes you want the real thing, sometimes you want the easy thing.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (18 March 2010):
 I'm not a guy, but men are visual creatures - they watch porn - like how women read romance novels. It's just the way we were created.
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A
female
reader, jinxy +, writes (18 March 2010):
i thought id add another perspective. I'm a female who watches and enjoys porn. For some reason, it just is exciting to watch people acting out your fantasies (especially if you dont have a lover at that time). Many studies have been done on porn and it has been proven women are almost nearly as aroused from porn as men.
Most women dont watch porn because of the stigma. I have lots of girlfriends who refuse to watch it. (one of which isnt embarassed about her sex life) I don't know if this helps you understand porn a little better but i think it really depends on what type of person you are.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (17 March 2010):
92% of men look at porn. 5% look at porn and lie about it, 2% of men are blind and "read" braille playboy (seriously, there is such a thing!) and the last 1% are those few poor invalids who cannot choose to watch anything in particular for themselves.Men are visual creatures. That's the way we are hard wired. There are shapes to a womans body that we find sexy.There are, however, a few things that most women don't get.First, there is the fact that almost any guy will find very "plain" looking females very sexy in even a state of semi-undress. Small breasts, large thighs, some poink and jiggle, and a little cottage cheese do not really detract from that anywhere near as much as you are afraid they might.Second, there is the fact that when we look at images in a magazine or on a computer screen, those images have to compete with the real 3-d image we have in our mind of our incredibly sexy girlfriends! How in hell could a picture turn us on anywhere near enough to get over the top when we've got recent memories of actually having sex with a real live woman? The only way is to overexaggerate the attractiveness of the image. biology tells us that men are programmed - hard wired to find an hourglass figure, with round hips and bottom, thin waste, and large breasts attractive. These are the hallmarks of a fertile and fit mother, and they are the cues men still look to in evaluating the attractiveness of a potential mate. However, in order to come anywhere near being good enough as an image or picture, these traits have to be so exaggerated as to be quite UNATTRACTIVE if encountered in real life!Third, is the very real truth of the fact that most men wouldn't want one of those busty scandanavian teenagers, even if shge were hot to trot. There's a significant level of discomfort that comes from several fronts. For example; "I'm afraid I'd break her" is true. So too is"what would someone like -me- ever do that someone like -her- wouldn't laugh at. Men are both intrimidated by, and afraid to really relax and let loose with these impossibly "perfect" barbie dolls. They're great to look at, but not to actually do anything with.You have nothing to worry about. Seriously. If you are feeling unattractive and insecure, that's a problem you are going to have to settle within yourself. It is neither his responsability to provide you with those feelings, nor is it healthy for you to seek them from him. You need to learn to have that confidence and awareness of your own sexual self if you expect him to be at all attracted to you.I understand that this sort of thing can be a shocking blow to your ego, however, I think you need to realize that he got together with you for reasons that were his own. Among those will very likely be that he thought you were sexy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): i dont really think about how the woman looks or anything i kinda just listen and pull haha
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Porn is a quick relief and nothing more than that.
Personally I love porn and watch it at least a few times a week. I have a very stressful and demanding job and so does my wife - we both just want a quick relief at the end of the day. She has her vibrator and I have porn.
As for the pornstars, whomever thinks that these women are perfect must have VERY trashy taste in women. It's not like guys actually fancy these women, get turned on yes, fancy no! Having actually just watched a porn clip around 10 min ago I can honestly say I don't remember what the woman in it looked like (brunette blond? Who knows)
There is only one woman for me, my darling wife, and we have a great relationship and sex life.
My wife wouldn't last a week without her vibrator same as I love my porn!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Most men watch porn, it's what we do. Women like shopping and we like watching porn. It doesn't mean he finds you less attractive, but it's unrealistic of you to think that he only finds you attractive.
Most men masturbate and that could be about anyone. So you can't police his mind anyway so why worry about this?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Why do women like romance movies and books when they already have boyfriends? Men and porn is not as different from that as women seem to think. The truth is I like watching porn sex with a variety of women but I dont like the pornstar look and attitude itself so much. Lots of pornstars would look more attractivce to ME if they took it easier on the makeup and fake boobs and fake acting. And the way the male pornstars act towards the female ones usually puts me off too.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 It's been quite some time since my sex life was brilliant, but I'll try to give you a proper answer anyway.
If he's anything like a decent lover, he wants to put your satisfaction before his. And unless you're a complete firecracker, that probably means rather a bit of effort. Of course that effort pays off, and it's wonderfully gratifying to see your woman totally satisfied. And it's certainly a more satisfying experience for him. But ...
At the same time, guys can have an adequate sexual experience in under five minutes. And sometimes you just want to be selfish and do it. A quick wank to porn means he doesn't have to worry whether it was good for you too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): I watch porn now because I am not in a relationship and it helps while masturbating. I got into porn while dating a girl who was really into it. We would watch movies together and have incredible sex. I think that's what did it for me. If I'm satisfied in my relationship, I tend to stay away from it unless I'm sexually frustrated. I rarely find girls who have sex drives as strong as my own so I need an outlet. If my sexual needs were being met in a relationship, then I wouldn't watch it unless we watched it together. For me it's an aid or tool, nothing more.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 March 2010):
I used to watch porn until I actually found a girlfriend I was truly happy with. Since then, I've had no need to watch it because I'm really happy. Most use it purely as a very quick relief. It does not in any way affect how we feel about the woman we love. In the same way that a woman who fancies a celebrity, doesn't just stop loving her boyfriend. It is used purely as a relief, and a quick one. That is it. Sometimes, a girlfriend might not be interested, and a man might need quick relief. That's all it is. It means nothing.
Any man who is obsessed with porn, or who tries to change you into a porn star, is not worth your time.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Personally I dont watch it, my girlfriend gives me enough to keep my attention focused on her.
I think some guys watch it to try and learn new things, others watch it just to satisfy their urges. Probably lots of reasons.
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