A
female
age
,
*ister1959
writes:I love my husband very much. But, I am totally disgusted with my life. I hate my job (used to love it until I stepped on someone in authority's toes and have been nitpicked to death ever since) and I want to quit. My husband does not want me to quit because he says we can't afford it. Ok, that all makes sense until you examine the reason "why" we can't afford it.Before I came along, my husband was involved with a professional scammer. He was lonely after being recently divorced and this gal saw him coming a mile away. She left him in total financial ruin. He took out a huge mortgage on the house so he could take care of her (she wasn't working) and buy her jewelry and a car, clothes, you name it. After she used him up, she moved on to greener pastures and left DH holding the bag or should I say the bills?Before I am lambasted for "knowing what I was getting into" let me set the record straight. I did not know the extent of it. I knew she had charged some things on his credit cards and that his finances were not great but neither were mine so I was pretty forgiving.I later found out that he supported her and bought her nice things while letting his own finances go down the tubes. In a nutshell. I am working today in a job I detest to pay for a home I don't particulary care for (but can't seem to get out of because our credit is shot) and pay bills that I did not make. Hubby thinks I should cheerfully put on a smile and do it because I love him. We were in court yesterday being sued on a credit card he defaulted on. I don't want to leave him, but how can I make him see that I'm miserable? Is there any other way out of this mess?
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Your husband may need to file for bankruptcy since his credit is shot anyway. That way, HE can get some of HIS debt discharged or at least come up with a reasonable repayment plan set by the courts. In the meantime, start looking for another job. Explain to your husband that staying in a job you hate will damage your marriage in the long run because it will cause you to resent him. If he wants a happy home, he will understand your point of view, but even if he doesn't, you should start your job search so you can get out of your current situation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): Hello, It is hard enough to do a job that you feel dispassionately about but to do it for the reasons you just sited must be more so. The first thing you need to do is quit the job. You spend (I'm assuming) 9am-5pm there. Thats a huge proportion of your day that you spend miserable. Do not do this to yourself. Secondly, tell your husband that this is not your responsibility. You do not NEED to work in order to pay off debts that he created by being irresponsible. It is just not fair on you. Finally, find a job that you want to do and do that not for the money but because you WANT to do it. Any money that you get from it you should help your husband (if you want) but otherwise keep it for yourself. Treat yourself. Seriously, you didn't know the full extent of the problem when you met him- is it because he didn't tell you? In that case, he souldn't feel as if you owe him the money just because you got married. I hope all works out. I really feel for you. As as aside, can I just say- I know exactly how you feel and if you want to talk about this anytime then please feel free to e-mail me through this site and I WILL get back to you. Seriously you have no idea how close to home this issue if for me- and I know that sometimes you don't have anywhere to turn and just want to vent.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 March 2010):
It is not your job to take on his debt, especially after he screwed up. Look for a job elsewhere. Don't waste your life slaving away at a job you hate to pay off debts your husband incurred. That is not your problem.
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