A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a tough one. I been separated from my wife of 10 years for 9 months now. We have a loving 2 year old boy. The reason for the separation is because I fell in love with my mistress. I been living with her now and we now have a relationship that we are working on. I see my son two times a week. I miss him very much when he's not with me. To this day, it still hurts me for hurting my wife and leaving her and my son for my new love interest. I would go back just for my son and to not see my wife being lonely. But I have deep feelings for this other woman. This new woman has been a friend of mine for a few years. We've started being romantic about a year ago now. She's also loving and supportive of me and my son. I'm just dealing with guilt every day and don't exactly know what to do or handle this situation. I literally cannot go to sleep most nights thinking of my previous life. My wife isn't a bad woman. She's sweet and kind and loving, but my love for her is not the same anymore. I care so much about her, though. What should I do in my situation? Should I just drop my girlfriend and see if I can fix things with my wife?Should I divorce my wife and stay with my girlfriend whom I have deep feelings for? How to I deal the days I don't see my son? I feel like I'm abandoning him even though I'm involved. Please Help.
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male
reader, HaniP  +, writes (22 October 2017):
Get the divorce and stay the hell out of her life. Be their for your son until he realizes he doesn't want you around and he will. He'll know you were too wrapped up in what you wanted that you willingly sacrificed him to please yourself. The lure of a whore was more than a match for him and when she leaves you and opens her free for all virtue your ex wife will be screaming some young studs names with pure Ecstasy thanking the sweet lord and wouldn't even be a distant memory.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): hello @you wish and @ love girl .The way you replied to this article gave me a source of strength! I too have been a victim of a wife whose husband has left her for his mistress. I never saw it coming it was almost like one day I woke up and someone had swung a baseball bat at my face. This had happened about a year or so ago. But I want to add to this discussion, because there is no way I can let this one slip me by. OP you know from a woman whose heart and been bruised, broken, and stepped on, the fact that you even think about going back to your wife just to pity her really annoys me. Honey pity wont do it. The kind of pain that I felt when my husband cheated on me was worst than an actual death itself, and yes I do mean death, so I am sure your wife must have felt this pain as well. Before my marriage, I received a great deal of marriage counseling, so my husband knew what and what not to do, he knew what would strengthen a marriage, and he also knew what would help to kill a marriage. But needless to say, none of this mattered for the sake of wanting to satisfy his fleshly desires. You see there is a price to be paid for every action or consequence that we may choose. Life can be very tricky at times if your not careful. YOU WILL REAP WHAT YOU SO. OP the thing is, life will show you the good times at the beginning of the start of something wrong, but OH! when you least expect it, then you will start to see the nightmare that follows behind making wrong choices and bad decisions. I must agree with the other ladies who had their opinions on this matter when they say she will get better as the days go on. I know I have. I never thought I would crawl out of the hole of deep despair that I was in, feeling the worst kind of betrayal there ever was to feel. BUT I guess I was not thinking about the thing they call "TIME", sweetie believe you me it can serve as your best friend and it can also serve as your best friend. For a wife that lost her husband to his mistress, time is definitely on her side. That's right as the days and months go on ,she began to see that there is more to life than just the unworthy and untruthful man that she is married to, she then will began to pick herself back up, hold her head up high and tell herself that she doesn't deserve to be treated this way, and she can do better and she will do better. And if by any chance that she may happen to meet that special someone who truly just wants to do nothing but love her honestly, then she will slowly let her guards down, and welcome new love back into her life. TRUST ME ON THIS. as I mentioned before I also have walked in your wife shoes. OP you cant expect something good to come out of a bad situation, and trust me if it is good right now, just like I said time will show you the real consequences of it all. You know Marriage is supposed to be sacred and never taken for granted, but its very sad to say that a lot of marriages have been ruined because of LUST not LOVE. OP hopefully one day maybe your wife can forgive your cowardly act of stepping out on your marriage and not trying to fight for it. But forgiveness does not mean in no way that she will take you back. You see we have to forgive so we can free ourselves up as well. Hopefully by this time things have worked itself out, you also need to ask forgiveness to God as well for committing adultery. Please remember this one thing .I will leave you with this saying. "Nature cannot be tricked or cheated. She will give u up to the objects of your struggle only after you have paid her price".
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A
male
reader, whatsinaname  +, writes (3 February 2013):
@lovegirl. Nice answer, i agree with most of it bear this. You said he regrets upgrading? I think you meant downgrading, Clearly if his wife is a good woman and he is now with a woman who got involved with a man she knew to be a married father, her moral compass is way off the mark. No ... he didn't upgrade .. he downgraded to a much inferior model.
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A
female
reader, detroithonie +, writes (5 November 2012):
So when thing go sour with the mistress are you going to find somebody else???? I think so many men cheat because they have problems at home. Can you honestly say you have worked on the issues at home if you were out telling your relationship problems to your mistress??? Maybe if you were talking to your wife and commenting yourself to her and falling in love again you would be there with her. Yeah the mistress is gonna always be there with a "listening ear" and a helping hand cause shes lonely and will do whatever it takes to get a man even someones husband!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): I am not convinced that you will be faithful to your wife even if you go back. You seem to want to have your cake and eat it too. You admit you love the mistress but I suspect you also want your old comfortable life back too. Sorry you made a choice why do you want to hurt another woman - agreed she is the mistress but that does not make her any less a person that will not feel a break up. For once do right by at least one person.
Affairs dont just happen and I believe the problem started long before your son came along. Be honest to yourself, the other woman and your wife. You will find the answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): To the female Anon who wrote in on 28 June: sorry I didn't respond earlier:You are ONLY 51 years. I believe every word I wrote to the OP: its sad that he received so many responses yet has chosen to remain silent. I'm sure the others as well prefer an update from the OP.Going back to female Anon: learn one thing girl and that is Never allow another person to have so much power over your life. Don't wait for your cheating hb to show remorse or to reveal his "human" side. Its done! He cheated. 2 years later his lover gave him the boot. Enough said! Hun cheaters get what is due to them and your hb is no different.What now? Live life. Yes your health has been impacted but as long as you have breath in you, you survive. You kick in your heel and you talk the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.Hun a new day has dawned. Embrace it. Live it. Love it. I firmly believe that once you rid yourself from the bitterness then you will start healing: one day at a time! You may be poorer now but you are still alive. If you can please start visiting the library, go to the park. The sea?? Join a social group. Enjoy these freebees. Heal your soul. Don't join other bitter women who wallow in self pity. Join emanicipated women who have survived and who have lived to tell their tale. Anon female: you are a survivor. A true survivor. The best revenge on a cheating spouse: living a good fulfilled life: living well. I repeat heal your soul and from the depths of despair you will find yourself again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): dearcupid.org/question/he-left-his-wife-for-me-but-misses.html
Very interesting: yet another husband goes back "only" for the kids but no love whatsoever for his wife??????
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): I think its time the OP sent an update. With so many comments I think the OP is kicking himself for trading in his wife for the mistress. If us, total strangers can see the good decent woman that his wife is, why didn't he?
Yes he is now shacked up with his mistress and I'm guessing that because everyone now knows what he has been up to and how he betrayed his wife, he is going to try to prove to everyone that his mistress is The One: his so called soul mate. His partner for life. You see OP your pride is now at stake. You need to prove to your friends, family and colleagues that you did not destroy your marriage for nothing. I have seen this with so many cheating couples: they work so hard trying to prove to themselves and to others that their new "relationship" is the perfect one. Out of every 100 cheating couples only approx 10 couples make it work. The OP must decide whether he falls into the 10% or the failing 90%. I have more of a chance to win the Lottery than the OP making his affair relationship a success. I repeat that there approx only 1 year left in this relationship. Perhaps the OP should do the maths. Yes his mistress may want a happily ever after with her married man but the likelihood of this is unlikely.
I read/heard somewhere (I'm sure it was in the movie Women) that the cheating husband doesn't know how to make it right or to go back therefore he just continues on with his mistress. Sometimes the husband realises his mistakes but because he has false pride, and he has to prove to All that he made a right choice to upgrade, he is just incapable of ending things with the mistress. These type of men rather have the mistress than no woman at all. Especially since their wives do not give them a second chance. So they just prod along with the mistress.....they try so hard to make the relationship work with the mistress so that they don't face reality with yet another failure. Same with cheating wives. They want to prove without a shadow of a doubt that they made the right lover choice but alas when they are alone and no one to pretend to, the harsh reality of what they have done creeps in, tearing them apart. It is that so called Wow moment when they realise the magnitude of their actions. Sometimes there are no second chances and this kills their souls. I believe the OP faces the same : he has had a Wow, I Fu*ked up, what am I going to do. I'm here now so I better just give it my best shot. I cannot go back to the wife so I better just try to make it work with the mistress. OP in the end you will stay with your mistress because you do not have the energy to fail again. But fail again you did only this time you do not want to be alone.
Regarding your son, as others pointed out, one day you will have to account for your actions to your son. You will have to sit him down and explain to him how you left his mother just after his birth. I know that you may hope that time will heal this wound but I'm sure your son will want to hear your excuses.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): @ LoveGirl's response!
I have never read such a succinct (even if lengthy), insightful and eloquent response ever!
First, I want to 2nd everything you had to say to the man.
Second, I want to let you know how closely that mirrored my situation.
The only differences were that I was not able to have children, and he left me at 48 yrs old, because he wanted children. I was married 12 yrs. He upgraded.
Another difference is my Ex fully divorced me, in a heartbeat, glibly moved in with the Mistress.
And just past the 2 year mark, HE got upgraded by the woman he left me for. She left him to date another keyboard player. (she has a 12 yr old daughter)
He has shown no remorse, regret or guilt whatsoever. It is the mark of a selfish man with no conscience, IMO.
I would not take him back under any circumstances, even though I lost my health insurance and I am denied coverage due to pre-existing condition. I am physically suffering greatly and cannot get any RA meds (not narcotics).
LoveGirl, I really hope you are right about a Good and Honorable woman finding happiness again, for I have not. It's been 3 years and I am only finding more heartbreak. I am so heartbroken, at 51, now. I've been told "I love you", and "you are special" and "I want us to be close" by two different men, in the same breath they are saying "I've met someone...and things really took off"
"it just happened.." and "there are just no sparks".
Seems I am SO special to a lot of guys, just not enough for them to make me the ONE.
I am copying the most resounding lines of your post below. I really appreciate your candor and authenticity, and most of all your ability to get to the "Heart of the Matter" (The exact Don Henley song -I sent to the last man who dumped me) Listen to that song. It's gut wrenching.
Thanks so much LoveGirl. I appreciate seeing my thoughts put into words.
LoveGirl writes:
Did you feel guilty for your lies and your half truths? Did you feel guilty investing in your lover while still living with your wife and son? Did you feel guilty when you made the decision to rip apart your wifes heart...
Did you feel guilty pretending to love your clueless wife while you just finished having a bout of illicit sex with your lover?
Did your wife ever know that you were unhappy? Did you tell your wife you were unhappy? NO.
Great to feel that freshness/no boredom of a 10 year old marriage. No bland sex with the mistress.
You miss your wifes smell. Her warmth. Her honesty. Her loveliness. Her genuiness. Her eager eyes when she sees you. Her love in her eyes for you. You actually miss her!!! If this is Not love then I don't know what it is. There is a great difference between love and lust.
But I believe that she is a good decent woman, and a man will breakthrough her trust issues, he will give her hope again.
I firmly believe that when a person is good and honourable, they do find love and happiness again
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 When in doubt, don't buy. When you are torn between two women, or two life decisions.. do neither. The right thing will apear as a very obvious decision. So when neither choice (new woman or the wife) strikes you as the natural path to follow, then follow neither. Sit on the fence for a while longer. Take a break from your new love interest and see her from a distance. See your marriage from a distance as well, and then see if you should go with the mistress or the wife, or maybe neither.
Maybe the reason you took a mistress was because your marriage was over in your heart. But you were scared of leaving. Maybe the mistress was your "easy" way out. You could excuse the end of the marrige on the mistress, or on your "love" for the mistress. Maybe in reality you didn't love your mistress, maybe in reality you just didn't want to admit that you wanted out of your marriage and that you didn't feel for your wife the way you used to.
Cheating is, after all, just another cowardly way of ending a relationship. You wanted to end things with your wife, you just didn't know how to. So, I'm not sure if going back to your wife IS what you want. But I'm also not convinced that being with the new woman is what you want either. I'm thinking you want, and need, to be alone for a little while now to figure out what YOU want, versus what these women in your life want for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Uhm.. all this guilt trip.. I don't know if I buy it. I think in part you feel guilty, in part you simply discovered that at the end of the day the grass was not that much greener on the other side of the fence.
I bet that the love or your life felt to you more " love of your life " until you could keep your foot in both shoes and see the new love behind the back of the old one. Everything must have been oh so passionate, romantic, special, adventurous... the secret... the rebelliousness...
Then, now that you are officially with her, I think you've found out that she is a good woman - as your wife was too, and that being with her feels like being in a not so bad marriage, exactly as yours was too . Only, in the process of changing teams you've lost your son , - everything is more or less the same, minus the kid- so you did not make such an excellent bargain after all.
You've made your bed, now you lie in it.
What makes you so sure that your wife would take you back, and accept to always live in fear of your next mid- life crisis ?
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (28 June 2012):
we all do mistakes
and you have already left your wife,
going back to her well put you under her blame,wrath,...etc forever
if you real love this new woman stay with her
and remember you are seeing your som two times a week
and also remeber that every thing comes with a price
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (28 June 2012):
 "My wife isn't a bad woman. She's sweet and kind and loving, but my love for her is not the same anymore. "
If you don't feel the same about her anymore, and if you love your current mistress more than your wife, why entertain the idea of giving your marriage another try? While I do not support cheating and affairs, I do realize that people fall out of love and that many people marry partners that are convenient or wrong for them.
"Should I divorce my wife and stay with my girlfriend whom I have deep feelings for? "
You're already more than half-way there. You're ARE living with her under the same roof and you are in a relationship. Te question is really, why aren't you proceeding with the divorce yet? Afraid to loose your money? Your wife already has custody of the kid as you see him twice a week. Maybe if you were to get a divorce, you would could work out a better visitation schedule as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): ...Does your wife even WANT you back? If it were me, I'd have nothing to do with you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You've already broke her heart once - and probably your sons too - so just leave her alone. Stay with this mistress of yours and let her move on with her life... you said she's "sweet", "kind" and "loving" - so no offense, but she obviously deserves better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Little late for the guilt don't you think? And yes, you should GIVE your wife a divorce so SHE can go out and find a GOOD faithful guy, and you can lay in the bed you made.
Sorry, I find it so hard to find compassion for cheater who think of nothing but themselves until AFTER they muck everything up.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 June 2012):
 You know, there's a saying. "You can't unscramble an egg."
This means that you have changed everything the moment you first went to bed with your mistress. It's interesting that now you're describing living with your mistress as "working on". This means that all is not cool in Mistressville. Not so easy when you're now dealing with the work part of your relationship with her and not just the fun sex parts while you were at home with your wife who dealt with the unattractive side of you.
Personally, I think the "work with your wife" and "marriage counseling" advice is too little, too late. If I were talking to your wife and advising her, I'd say to not ever think of taking you back again. You cheated on her, devastated her, and then abandoned her and your son. That is not something you simply forgive and forget. If you ever win back the miracle and opportunity to court your wife again, you have a long, uphill battle, and everything must be new. However, I would hope she does not take you back for the following reason:
While it's understandable and GOOD for you to want to remain a part of your son's life, it rubbed me the wrong way to want to go back just to see your wife not look so lonely. You're still totally full of yourself! Trust me, she won't feel lonely for long. Once she is at a place she's comfortable with in life, you are going to get replaced.
You can't fool me and you shouldn't try to fool yourself. Your wife isn't who's lonely here. YOU are. You found out that a proper "warts-and-all" relationship isn't as fun as an illicit affair, and you are left in the cold while your wife and son are still enjoying home and hearth as a family. Of course she is depressed, who wouldn't be when her husband was cheating on her and abandoned her? But the arms of another man have a healing property, and the kisses and touch of another man have an even greater quality to get her over what you did to her. What you've abandoned, another man will treasure. And your son will enjoy being around this man who has taken your place in his mother's life.
Trust me, you have exiled yourself into the outer darkness of betraying your family, living with the mistress, and finding out that the grass was so much greener and warmer at home, where the temporary stress of a baby has turned into the sheer joy of wonder through a 2-year old's eyes, where Mom is the most beautiful woman in the world, and Daddy is second only to God. And boy are you missing out.
As long as there's the least bit of "deep feeling" for this mistress, you'll never go back. As long as you are still full of yourself, you'll never know the joy of maturity.
I know why you left. When you left, your son was a baby, and having a baby in the house challenges the strongest of bonds. Hormones, exhaustion, feeling unappreciated, a drop in sex, a drop in spontaneity, it all can drive up the risk of an already wandering eye. But maturity strengthens us, makes boys and girls into men and women, and the best of us become better partners for it.
You have your choice. But you can't have both. If you even try to win your wife back and earn your spot back at home and hearth, you must end everything with your mistress. If your wife does give you a second chance, you better damn well better treat it as if you were on your death bed and given a chance at life. You have to start a new relationship, court her, win her back, show such an eager transparency so as to fall over yourself to rebuild trust with her. That would be your redemption, that and being the father of the year to your son who hasn't yet gotten old enough to resent you for what you did to his mom.
Whatever you decide, do it fast, because your wife may close the door on you forever the moment another man sweeps her off of her feet, and if she is as kind and loving as you just said she is, that won't take long at all.
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A
female
reader, mpumie  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 I feel pity for the wife. Choose to do the right thing and choose carefully. Are you going to go for a 20 percent instead of 80 but other man are stupid. You are your wife is kind etc. Then what is you problem? Stop being selfish. When you chose to marry your wife, you did it because you felt 'until death do us apart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): No.1 :cut this bull of all your guilt!!!Sorry OP I am not going to condone your actions and to tell you something to make you feel good about yourself: if I do that then I'm as bad as you are. So are you prepared to hear some startling home truths, if not I suggest you ask for my answer to be removed by the Mods. Fair enough? What guilt? You had a year long affair. Did you feel guilty sneaking around with your lover? Did you feel guilty for your lies and your half truths? Did you feel guilty investing in your lover while still living with your wife and son? Did you feel guilty when you made the decision to rip apart your wifes heart when you left her for your lover? Did you feel guilty pretending to love your clueless wife while you just finished having a bout of illicit sex with your lover? Did you feel guilty coming home smelling of your lover. OP to all the above questions the answer is a resounding NO!!! If you felt an ounch of guilt then you would have spared your son and wife any pain. You see OP you wanted that greener grass and you left a devastated wife and kid for the great sex you were having with your lover/mistress. Now that some sort of normalcy has established with the mistress you want to hightail back to your wife because NOW the impact of what you have destroyed is getting to you. Well this is the price you have to pay. Did your wife ever know that you were unhappy? Did you tell your wife you were unhappy? NO. You just conviently replaced her without her having any clue that her marriage had broken down. Yes it felt great to sneak around. Great to have that awesome sex. Great to feel that freshness/no boredom of a 10 year old marriage. No bland sex with the mistress. Excitement. Illicit. Forbidden. Raw passion. No worries of tomorrow. No worries of normal life hassles. Perfect wasn't it? Paradise? OP your wife just had a baby when you started your affair. You had a new born and while your wife was adjusting to motherhood you began playing around. Was this fair to your wife? So your mistress is a long time friend. She knew that you were a new father. Perhaps feeling neglected? Lonely? Competing for wifes affecting now that a new baby was around? Good friend that she was, she was supportive. She made you feel good. She was attentive. She made you laugh. She made you feel wanted. She just happened to be at the right place and at the right time to pounce didn't she? Our so called friends know us well enough so they feel us what we want to know and what we want to feel. Hey look at the bright side: remember when the baby was born and your wife was up all night minding him. Taking care of him. And she expected some help from you? Now you don't have to bother waking up for a 2 year old at night. You don't have to care about helping out with the kid. Changing his nappies. Helping to bath him. Feed him. Clothe him. You now have all the time to take care of your mistress. Go places together instead of sneaking around. Go on holiday without a crying baby. Movies with a care in the world. What a life dad! 9 Months later You Want Someone (anyone) to tell you to run back to your wife. Since you do not have the 8alls or the moral inclination to say that you messed up, you perhaps want us to tell you to go back home. OP I am not going to tell you that. Why? Because you need to see what you gave up. Because you need to feel it in your gut everytime you look at your mistress. Your story (if you read your words properly) is one of REGRET. You regret upgrading. You regret cheating on your wife. You regret missing out on your boy growing up. Missing his first few words. His teeth appearing. His milestones. You miss your wifes smell. Her warmth. Her honesty. Her loveliness. Her genuiness. Her eager eyes when she sees you. Her love in her eyes for you. You actually miss her!!! If this is Not love then I don't know what it is. There is a great difference between love and lust. Now that you are more settled with your mistress I think you have made this distinction. Am I making sense OP?Going back just for your boy? Not a chance! Look you upgraded formally 9 months ago when you left your wife: why have you not divorced her? Are you hoping that if things don't work out with the hot mistress then you have a place of safety with the wifey? Selfish aren't you? Protecting your own interests right? OP you may have devasted your wife by cheating and leaving her but you actually did her a favour. At least now she is rid of a cheating husband. Yes she still cries for you. She is still mourning the end of her marriage. She is saddened that her boy doesn't have his father in his life (bar 2 days a week). But everyday she is getting stronger. She is crying less. She is coping without you. She is coping being a single parent (if you are really honest she has been a single mum almost from the time baby was born. Remember you started with your lover then). Your wife is slowly pieceing together her life after your betrayal. But I repeat, she is getting stronger. She is coping. One day soon she will have her last cry and she will pick herself up, yes she will distrust men for a while, But I believe that she is a good decent woman, and a man will breakthrough her trust issues, he will give her hope again. He will make her start believing in herself again. He will make her laugh again. He will make her believe in life and love . OP I firmly believe that when a person is good and honourable, they do find love and happiness again. I believe that your wife is one of them. Am I wrong? The man she finds will help her raise her boy and help him become the man that she knows he will be. Your replacement will grow your boy and invest in him. Look you will still have your 2 days and as you have indicated you believe that you are doing enough. As you said you did not abandone him, you still get to see him 2 days out of 7. As for your mistress, I'm sure she is very understanding and accomodating when you express any guilt feelings or remorse. In fact show me a mistress that is not! Do you trust your mistress? Without a shadow of a doubt? Was this both of your first affair. Her first affair with a married man? Or does she make a habit to screw her married "friends". Ugly question but a real one. Do you trust her with other men? Male friends? Does she go out on platonic dates with other male friends? Skype? Email? Bbm? Any private chats? Any emotional bond with any other of her male friends? When she's away from you do you sometimes wonder what she is up to. Do you think that if she could sneak around with you, she can start sneaking around without you as well? Do you feel the urge to check her cell or email? Look all these thoughs are natural: being suspicious of your lover is natural especially when you think how easy it was to deceive your wife. Be warned though, Mistresses very rarely manage to transend from mistress role into a wifes/committed partners role. Very rarely does a mistress fit into the above role. The maximum time for a cheating couple trying to make things work is 2 years. After the 2 year mark most of the time its downhill thereafter, if not before then. Look I'm sure you are hoping that your relationship is an exception. I'm hoping for your sake that it is. OP what is your action plan:-get a divorce. You are extremely selfish by keep your wifes life in limbo. Just do it. Allow your wife to move on. She deserves to find a man who will value her and love her ,for herself. Give her what is due to her financially and do not short change her.- try to increase the 2 days a week to perhaps more. In this way you will not miss your boy growing up. It will also free your wife up so if she wants to get out with friends, she can. This will really help her to move on. I'm sure while she's out she can start dating again as well. The dating scene has changed over the last 10 years, so the sooner she starts the better.- your mistress. Enjoy your shenanigans with her but don't marry her. If she could Cheat with you, she can cheat on you. Very simple. You know how easy it is to cheat.-identify love vs lust. If you put your dick away for a moment, can you see your mistress in your life 40 years from now. - starting a family with the mistress. Do you see yourself having kids with her one day? Remember having a baby does bring changes in a relationship. Remember this was the time you began eating elsewhere.OP whoever told you that marriage was easy lied to you. You have to work on your marriage daily. Lifes challenges crop up and you need to deal with it. Kids turn romantic time into a nightmare time. Money issues surface as well. OP you are now in the ho(r)neymoon phase with your lover. But 9 months later this horneymoon period is almost over. You can see normalcy and perhaps routine setting in. This scares you doesn't it. You and your lover are not at your best with each other as per when you two were sneaking around. This is called life and it is called Real life.OP I wish you luck with your mistress going forward. You do need it!I am sorry this is so long. I put a lot of thought into this so I'm hoping it is posted.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (27 June 2012):
 So right about the time your son was born, was when you started cheating on your wife? You say you have deep feelings for your mistress? Well at one time you also had deep feelings for your wife.....obviousdly. So what's going to happen when you develop "deep feelings" for some one else, are you then going to leave this new woman for her?If you and your wife were getting along, and there were no marital issues, then what made you decide to start cheating in the first place? The way you've described your guilt, sounds to me like you actually have a case of "buyers remorse", and are in denial about it. It wasn't as easy to walk away from your wife and son, as you thought it was going to be, and maybe your feelings for your mistress don't run as deep as you're trying to convince yourself of. Either way, the guilt is going to eat you alive, and destroy your relationship with your mistress. The fact that you even have the guilt, tells me that you're not really ready to give up on your marriage.Dump the mistress, go back to your wife if she will have you, get some marriage counseling, and work on the relationship.Your son is only two years old. When he gets older, he is going to find out that his father left him and his mother when he was just a baby. What kind of example is that going to set for him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): Go back to your wife and your son, where you, the father, belong.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (27 June 2012):
For starters, you need to stop being so selfish. You have a two year old son, not to mention your "committment" to your wife. That should come before you tend to the wiles of your willy. If there is something you need to work out with your wife, then do it. If its irreconcilable, then move on with your son in mind. But you have no business starting another relationship until the first is put to bed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): I can't imagine nothing worse than a husband having an affair. Did you try and have marriage counseling with your wife before you went down this path.You say your love is not the same for your wife anymore. You chose to open that door and walk away.You can chose divorce or fight for your marriage and that is if your wife will have you back at all.If there is a divorce your wife will move on. There is no doubt about that. She will find another man and hopefully one that remains faithful and takes their marriage vows seriously.We can't tell you what to do. You will have to find it in your heart what you feel is the right course of action for yourself.If you want to save your marriage I would seriously suggest marriage counseling.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2012):
 what will happen in 9 years when you are bored with your girlfriend? will you take a new lover to spice things up and then leave the old one for the new one?
you started an affair with another woman when you had a one year old at home... that means your wife was probably very tired and preoccupied with all sorts of things that were going on that were not centered around you...
did you feel neglected?
do you think that if the same situation arose with the new woman you would feel the same thing....
are you sure you want to give up 10 years of what was working that you miss for something that might be a flash in the pan?
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