A
male
age
30-35,
*jang19
writes:Why do girls act like they hate all boys, when they themselves know that the guys they are choosing to be with are known to only use girls for their bodies?This is a question i've been wondering for a while. Girls want sex more than guys. Period. This is due mainly because the main biological goal in women is to reproduce, as well as have pleasure. Where as when it comes to males, they strive to be the "alpha male" however, this can be achieved through other activities other than sex, which is why girls want sex more.But then so many people I know complain that guys are asshole pricks that use them for their bodies when they knew what they were getting into and enjoyed what was going on up until the point where the guy does something that hurts a girl emotionally. It doesn't make any sense. If you want sex, you know that the guy you pick is for that purpose, so why complain and act emotional afterwards?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 That has to do with who you want to sleep with, not your urge to sleep around.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): True, you might not think about being abandoned in the woods with a child after a ONS.
But for some reason, when you go out for that ONS, you are still attracted to men who have a symmetrical attractive body and appear to offer good genes. What's the point of this stipulation if you don't intend to reproduce with the man?
Natural selection, baby! Your body's physically attracted feelings are just like your emotional ones. Your higher mind can decide that you won't be reproducing in this relationship, but that doesn't do anything to make your baser instincts change what you are attracted to.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 March 2011):
I don't buy this biology thing. I honestly do not think about being abandoned in the woods with a child if I have a one night stand. The thought never crossed my mind. Not have any of the men I've met expressed a desire to father tons of children with different women. Often they'd like none at all.
If this is all implanted in our heads, I can tell you that the only thing that screams in my head that I can not control is the desire for children and babies. That one I'll buy, as close to every teenage girl gets a desire for babies as soon as her hormones kick in, and every guy gets a sudden urge to look at porn.
But in the realities of things... how many women actually WANT a baby when they are teenagers, and how many young boys actually WANT to have sex with every woman they see? Social pressure plays a great deal in this, compared to the so called "nature calling" theory. People are not driven by instincts to the extreme, we're after all able to think before we act. To say that we're unable to think is somewhat degrading of the human species, wouldn't you say so?
And with the famous example of Freud: if your hypothesis is not falsifiable, you will find evidence of it everywhere.
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A
female
reader, Miss.Me  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 My view is this: Girls want to be with the "bad boy" type because most of them want the strong, confident guy. They believe that while they're with them they won't get hurt, that the guys will look the part of the bad boy but treat them as a good guy would. So, girls don't go into those relationships wanting just sex, they're expecting some form of love/care as well. The girl gets emotional because she is getting hurt. You said, "the guy does something that HURTS a girl emotionally." Do you expect the girl, or anyone for that matter, to be unresponsive? Of course they're going to react.
Now, of course there are some girls who don't attach emotions with sex. You can meet girls who are fine with the idea of one-night stands. They don't pursue the guy to be in long term contact with him; they just share one night purely for pleasure. She's not going to see him again, therefore no emotional attachment. But, the situation is different if the girl is wanting to enter into a relationship with a guy who isn't exactly known for being that great (read what I wrote earlier).
I find it interesting that you say girls want more sex along with your explanation for it. Usually we hear it's the guys who are addicted to sex :P I don't believe one gender wants sex more than the other. Guys are more physical about it while girls attach more emotion to it. So as much as males want the purely physical aspect of it, as do the females who want the emotional part of it. Doesn't mean males don't attach feelings, or that girls don't get a primal desire for sex, just means how most of us operate (in my opinion).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): If women didn't want men to lie to them, they would stop rewarding liars over and over again.
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A
female
reader, dietcoke.1  +, writes (18 March 2011):
Alot im not saying all . but a lot of players use emotion to get sex ie saying how much they like them and how pretty they are etc etc so i dont know what they expect really ! if you dont want emotional sex dont bring it into it in the first place. My advise is to tell them straight that this is just sex , then they wont get so emotional
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (18 March 2011):
 It depends on where you live. Certain ethnic groups or religion stress more importance on being a good girl, meaning waiting and waiting. Young girls have an internal conflict, they are sexually frustrated, rebel against tradition and explores. When they don't get what they want they feel betrayed, then hold on to tradition to protect themselves. If a guy really is an ass prick then the girl also becomes damaged goods. Guys also go back to tradition to protect themselves. How, if they are being judged as a poor lover, than there's the woman to blame. She is easy, loose, not wife and mother material anyway. In fact, a good woman is someone who's inexperienced, doesn't know the difference between hard and semi-hard penis, and is okay with 5 minute sex.
Many girls aren't that emotional anymore. They know better. I know some guys always complain that girls don't seem to need them anymore. They would say to guys, "hey, thanks for being a sperm donor. I've got what I wanted. Thank you, good bye."
The more needy a girl is, that means financially, emotionally and everything else she didn't get as a child, the more emotional she becomes when a man leaves. This is someone whose self-worth depends on outside approval.
A girl who is independent, content with life is happy at any given moment and would not stress so much on the outcome.
Same goes for the males.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Every time a woman has sex (at least in the wild), she risks pregnancy and decades of caring for that child. Every single time. So her feelings about sex are NATURALLY going to be more serious than men's. Men can screw women that they know would be terrible mothers without getting stuck with a child. So men's brains don't have to connect sex and love as much. (Yes of course this is not 100% true about all men and women. But in general there is a lot of truth in it.)
Women and jerks? Well, there isn't much we can do. Our modern society doesn't hold women responsible for their actions when it comes to which men they choose.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 March 2011):
 Chigirl mentioned statistics. Well, I have next to me my handy, up-to-date Psychology textbook that I'm using currently in my 300-level Psych class. These numbers are regarding 15-24 year olds.
"Females learn to link sexual intercourse with love (Michael & Others, 1994). A number of studies have found that adolescent girls are more likely than their male counterparts to report being in love as the main reason they are sexually active (Hyde & DeLamater, 2008). Other reasons that girls give for being sexually active include giving in to male pressure, gambling that sex is a way to get a boyfriend, curiosity and sexual desire unrelated to loving and caring."
I thought that these two studies were very telling....
"In one study, men said that ideally they would like to have more than 18 sexual partners in their lifetime, whereas women stated that ideally they would like to have only 4 or 5 (Buss & Schmitt 1998). In another study, 75 percent of the men but none of the women approached by an attractive stranger of the opposite sex consented to a request for sex (Clark & Hatfield, 1989)"
Then it begins to go into evolutionary reasons why this is. Essentially, what dirtball said.
So I'm not quite sure that your biological theories really stand, at least if you asked a biological psychologist.
In reference to your actual question, well you got plenty of amazing answers. No need for me to reiterate! I hope my two cents helped out a little...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 March 2011):
Good point, chigirl. It goes both ways. Here you get more women complaining but men just suffer in silence because they are the sex that's not supposed to be weak. They are not supposed to show their feelings.
"Am I just a one night stand?"
Listen to how a woman says it and how a man says it. When a man says it he doesn't carry that resentment, at least he doesn't show it because it would make him sound like a pussy.
The more experienced you are, the more you can judge whether something is good for you.
When a woman feels rejected, she would feel she's ugly and not worthy of love but will say that the guy is a player. When a man is rejected, it's because he's not good enough in bed but he will cover it by saying the woman is a slut and she will be lonely when she gets old.
An experienced player, whether man or woman, wouldn't care less if the other person left the next morning because they know deep down inside they are good, it's the other person who's a wimp.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 March 2011):
Oh dear you, don't try to pretend to know how God designed women for wanting sex for reproduction or whatever. You do not know if women in general want more sex than men, and you should try to stick to statistics instead, if there are any. And when I assume there are not any, as I've never heard of a survey to measure what gender seeks more sex, you can just as well drop that argument as it's not valid. That's just you making a shot in the dark.
So lets not generalize based on loose assumptions and wild guessing. Besides I can prove your argument to be wrong based on the knowledge I have that MEN have FEELINGS. Yes, you heard me right. Men don't just have sex to have sex. Men have feelings, and enjoy sharing sex with a person they love and cherish, and they bond from it as well. Not all the time, or all men of the globe, but an equal amount of men and women share bonds through sex and value sex as more than "sex: in and out".
As for your main question, how do you know that these girls you are talking about only wanted the man for sexual purposes? Did they tell you "I'm just using this guy for his body"? As in the famous Friends With Benefits set-up? If this is a case of FWB, then something you should know is that in most of these relationship one part expect more from the other, end up falling, establish an emotional connection, and so end up hurt, even if the original set-up was just for sex. And this goes both ways, in all the FWB set-ups I've had, or even casual hook-ups, the guy is the only who has turned clingy on me and wanted more. But I do know of women who do the same, so this goes BOTH WAYS.
Guy's get emotional about sex as well, and feel attached to their partner through sex. They end up falling for the person who used them for sex, just like a woman can end up falling for a man who used her for sex. Women and men aren't really that different.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (17 March 2011):
 I don't believe that girls want sex as much as boys do.
I believe girls want love and think sex is the best/only way to get it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 March 2011):
Because players are a challenge. Women want to feel like they are a special something that changes a players' mind. When the guy doesn't want her she feels like she just became another number, and that hurts her ego. Failing to gain a relationship, she also becomes a slut. A guy who enjoyed the sex with the woman, especially if he finds her attractive would come back for more, and more if it only gets better and better. If the guy just vanishes the next day, it means the sex sucked and that would be the worst insult for a woman. That's something too hard to take, she feels like every man is going to do the same so she has to blame the man for making her feel that way.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Wow, you've got a very interesting perspective.
Girls typically want sex about the same as boys do. It usually is boys who push for sex though. Anthropologically speaking, women looked for a stable, secure, mate who would be able to best provide for their offspring. Attachment to a quality prospect is a natural result of that. Males on the other hand want to spread their seed as much as possible. As the alpha they want their seed to live on, so it's in their best interest to impregnate as many females as possible to insure an heir.
I find women who fall for known players as simply stupid. It's one thing if they didn't know his reputation, then it's sad, but if they knew what he was and thought he'd change, or she'd be the one he didn't play... Then they're deluded.
Emotional attachment happens in sex. It's due to chemicals released in your brain. It happens for everyone, but some people train themselves to separate sex and emotions. It does take a conscious effort though.
There's more to life than sex, and there's more to sex than just the act for the majority of people. Your premise fails to take that into account.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (17 March 2011):
 We can't help it. Sex causes us to release a bonding hormone, which makes us bond to the person who we're having sex to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): See that's the thing, guys don't understand. Yes a girl wants sex, it is very pleasurable but a girl also wants a guy that she knows loves and that he just doesn't love her for the sex. It is very common for a bunch of girls to feel this way.
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