A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:After 6 months I bowed to constant pressure and threw away all my old photos, holiday photos the lot (except the ones of my son). My girlfriend was adamant that they belonged in the past, was nothing to do with "us" and told me she had thrown all hers out because her life only started the day she met me. I have now discovered she has not thrown hers out. She even still has photos of all her ex boyfriends too. I have mentioned all the pressure she put me under to destroy mine and the lie about she had thrown hers out because she didnt want to cling to her past (her own words). She doesnt seem to get it and doesnt seem to understand what I am annoyed about. What is it with her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): I agree with Cerberus. This situation sounds pretty cut and dried.
The only remaining question is, what are you going to do about it?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): She does get it. You're the one who doesn't get it. She's the boss, you do what she says and that's it. I don't see the confusion here OP she lied, made you erase your past for her and now she's laughing at you by pretending she doesn't get it or she never said that or something.
You're acting like a bit of a doormat really OP, maybe she was just testing how much of a pushover you are and you've failed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): I sir am only fifteen, and an obvious Ex made me delete all the contacts out of my phone except for immediate family members. Yeah, these are actions a fifteen year old would request from someone. It is an immature thing for a grown woman to ask you to do this. I think maybe you should reevaluate this relationship. Because obviously no one can really give you full advice on this because no one knows what type of person she is beyond this. Only you know if the relationship should to continue.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 December 2012):
I don't know what's with her but this story is sad and it will continue in a sad way if you let her treat you like this again.
SumGuy says it like it is, she' s going to turn you into one of those guys. Shadows of men, bossed around by some screaming, controlling and nagging monster-girlfriends. She'll leave you in the end, because after you've lost all your personality, only occasionally responding in a passive aggressive way, she'll find you boring.
You have to stand up for your rights (Bob Marley says so too :)). Now. Throwing away her pictures doesn't help here, it would only be revenge and wouldn't fix the relationship. But maybe a good talk and some self esteem will.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (9 December 2012):
 This is a bad sign. It means anything that doesnt involve her is not part of your life. Your life is not even your life, it is hers. I think I would get out of this asap.
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A
male
reader, SumGuy +, writes (9 December 2012):
It is her first peg on the ladder of having full control. You are about to lose all your identity and become a molded model of what she wants.
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A
female
reader, Zaaleena  +, writes (9 December 2012):
Majorly double standards that she didn't get rid off anything but told you she had. Judging by the age bracket on your answer you had quite a lot of life before you met her and deleting your photos won't take that away.
Im really sorry you won't be able to get your photos back but I hope you tell this controlling lady where to go - what a cruel thing to do and lie about.
Hope you're okay x
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 December 2012):
 What a sorry set of circumstances. I'm so sorry to hear that you have agreed to, effectively, destroy all that you held (what "was) of your past..... and THEN to learn that SHE didn't do the same..... i.e. The very premise upon which you kept YOUR part of the agreement.... whilest she didn't reciprocate....
That said.... you have a "pass" to pine over what you've lost/destroyed... BUT, it is only valid (the "pass") if you dump this shrew of a "girlfriend". After all, this is only the beginning of a long history of angst, with her, if you are naive enough to continue seeing her...
Good luck... And, again, I'm sorry for your loss.
P.S. I never would have acquiesced to what this girl asked of you!!!!!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (9 December 2012):
Either it’s insecurity or she’s very controlling. Whatever way, she wants to try and forget the fact that like everyone you have a past, what’s worrying is why she can’t understand that the past is just that: history. Why does she want to try and rid you of any memories of that history? Either because she thinks she’ll feel less threatened by it if she knows you’ve binned the photos, or more sinisterly, she’s trying to distance you from anything else in your life other than this relationship. Why she won’t do the same if it’s so important, shows a very poor attitude indeed: clearly it’s one rule for you and another for her. Alarm bells really should be ringing here. Insisting for 6 months that all photos be thrown out is not normal behaviour and it’s certainly not the kind of thing you should expect to see in a healthy relationship.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2012): Watch yourself, she is controlling! Anytime somebody DEMANDS you throw out your past and they can't do the same, is a controlling person! Been there done that. The statement that she made her life didn't begin until she.met you creeps me out anyway. To each its own.Honestly, I would DEMAND she do the same. I wouldn't give her any warning about the discussion. Look around and see if she still has anything and repeat what she said. If she contest it, dump her ass! Believe me it doesn't get any better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2012):
 That seems to be a matter of double standard. First of all I would NOT have tossed any pictures out that meant anything to you. I would just have put them in a box and out of sight, but that is moot.
Sit her down and ask her. Why were you so adamant that I through our my pictures when you still cling to yours?
I understand that the past is it past, but personally I don't think throwing out pictures (unless they are of a sexual nature or displayed around the shared home) is really necessary. But if she DEMANDED you toss you, she needs to woman up and toss hers too.
Normally I'm not a tit for tat kind of person, but this would kind of bother me. Because what is does she expect of you that she doesn't think SHE needs to live up to or do?
Talk to her. Don't let her talk her way out of this.
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