A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We've been dating for only a few months, our first month I told her I have a dream to move to another country and she said "Yeah if you go we'd break up because I wouldn't leave my family behind!"We decided to stay together but recently a few days ago we had a huge fight because I brought up the subject again and she got mad because she thought I could change my mind about this, she even said I'm just using her, I don't want anything serious with her, I don't love her, etc! Now she's confused if she would move abroad or not, she said that she loves me and want to be together. I think she's being too emotional! Anyway should I break up? I love her she's a nice girl but we don't have the same goals in life! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 You both want different things, and unless you can compromise the best thing to do is to end the relationship.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 June 2017):
 There you go. She's a nice girl but you don't have the same goals in life. There's your answer. If your goals don't align and you don't see yourselves in the same place (physically and metaphorically), then that's pretty much the end of the relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (3 June 2017):
 if you want to move , then don't get into a relationship with someone that does not have the same mind about it , she told you at first so if it was that imporatent to you you should have got out then , you ware wrong in thinking she would change and she was wrong in thinking you would drop the idea , brake up and get it out of you , see what the world holds for you , it might work out for you and you might find out it was not what you hoped for and go back to home , you might even go back to her , but for now you have nothing with this girl
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (3 June 2017):
 Too emotional? Dude, moving abroad is life changing - you should both be somewhat emotional about it.She couldn't leave family behind so, if you're serious about moving, you're not going to work out.Also, you've barely dated, so this love stuff is a bit premature. Your goals don't match up, which makes it a short term, mismatched relationship.If you want to move abroad, do so soon. Don't get into another relationship unless you're happy to wait until you've been together 2+ years, living together for at least 1 of those, before risking moving abroad together. You both have to want it in case you split up and end up stuck alone in another country.
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (3 June 2017):
My ex boyfriend of 6 years was always talking about how he wanted to move abroad. He never did anything about it so I assumed it was a bit like how I say I'd like to learn the piano - I absolutely would but it's not a priority or something I actively pursue.
5 years into our relationship he was still saying he couldn't put down roots here because he hadn't experienced living abroad. No mortgage, no marriage, no kids, nothing. By this point I was 28 and getting slightly fed up. By 29 he was still saying the same thing and I ended things with him. I told him to go off and do it all and stop wasting my time. And you know what? Almost 3 years later he's still doing the exact same thing! He has a new gf of one year that he's spinning the same old lines to and has yet to actively do anything to make this dream of his come true. For him it's a convenient excuse to avoid growing up or taking any responsibility for his life.
So my advice to you OP? Do it! Right now. Don't spend years talking about it or starting relationships with women that don't want what you do. Go after it. Or if you can't do that/don't want to, then accept it as a nice fantasy to have to escape regular life it don't let it hold you back.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 June 2017):
 In fairness she did warn you straight away. She hasn't changed. She explained why she would not move abroad.
If this is something you really want to do, then it will probably cost you your relationship - unless she decides to compromise and move to be with you. Be aware, if she does this and misses her family, she will probably resent you for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 June 2017):
 Should you break up?
IF you REALLY intend on moving to another country then YES, break up now.
If you are just toying with the idea? Maybe break up because it's NOT what she wants. And SHE shouldn't change her mind for you, nor should YOU give up your dream for her.
So in short... yes.
You can love someone and NOT be a good fit.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): Considering who's in the White House now, any girl/guy would be delighted over the prospect of moving away from USA.Even if we weren't in this political mess, moving to another country would be amazing. An adventure! I'd do it in a second.Can her family possibly move too? Maybe you could try a visit to another country or something just to test the waters.
...............................
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (2 June 2017):
You want different things. She is not going to move. The question is will you resent her if you don't take a shot at living abroad. The truth is if you don't want the same things it's best to find it out now before you have made a permanent commitment.
...............................
|
