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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Me and my girlfriend have been getting really intimate for just over 6 months. When we were talking I brought up sex and she said that she didn't want to. I totally respect her and wouldn't want her to do anything she didn't want to do. But it was something she said when I asked her, she said she doesn't enjoy sex at all and she had experiences of really bad and disappointing sex that led to break ups. I really respect her feelings but the fact she said it was because of disappointing sex in the past is really bugging me. I would never want to pressure her into something she didn't want to do and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes but it seems she is shunning sex because of bad sex she has had. What can I do I don't want to pressure her but I don't want her to shun sex because of previous bad sex ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): In my opinion, this girl needs counseling so she can clear up her past relationship issues that dont involve you. This way neither party suffers and right now, both are. Thats good youre sensitive to this and not pressuring her as that wouldnt be good.
And in terms of earning trust, compliment her body, her hair, hold her hand, and try to be passionate with her. She needs gentleness and warmness so she feels safe with you, not withdrawal. Best on this pal.
A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (10 April 2011):
tell her to suck it up. in my opinion your going out with an emotional train wreck. sex doesn't always have to be picture perfect and about 80% of the time it isn't it'll be sloppy, noisy, ect. but there are some people who just idk act all sacred about it. sex is fun and if she doesnt find fun in that then what does she find fun in?
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 I do feel sorry for her but if you talk to her and tell her how much you love her she might come around to the idea. Tell her you love and respect her and want to show her that in this way. Let her know there is no pressure and that you deeply care about her and want to show it. Im sure she will come around to the idea eventually. All women love being felt wanted and loved. Good luck!!xxxx
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A
female
reader, hotttmess  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 I think you should just tell her EXACTLY how you feel about it. She will apreciate that you have the patience to wait, so it might not be such a bad thing. If you are completely honest and make her aware that you aren't trying to pressure her..then that will clear up any questions she may have in her mind about that. Just talk to her, girls like to know what exactly is on your mind! Good luck!
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