A
male
age
30-35,
*nuckleHead
writes:Alright so there was this concert last night. Now my girlfriend had been looking forward to this concert for a while. It wasn't really a huge show....just a couple low key rappers. One of her friends bailed on her and I told her that I would go to the concert with her about a couple days ago. So yesterday came and it ended up that I couldn't get tickets....basically I told her that I couldn't get in so I left her in line and told her I'd pick her up when the concert was over. Now this is the question....I guess I was hoping that she's be like "screw this" and miss the concert to hang out with me....and I didn't wanna ask her to ditch the concert because I wanted her to make her own decision, I wanted to see what she would do...I think that because I'm pretty sure that's what I would have done....even if it was a show I had been waiting forever to see...If I was in her shoes, I would have ditched the concert for her. I felt bad that she couldn't do the same....so I don't know how to approach this. I haven't even mentioned how crappy I felt that she thought the concert was more important....and it's not even like we hang out that much...probably about once a week, IF THAT. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 December 2010):
 I'm on board with everyone else. You should be more happy that she had a nice time out. I think what you wanted was just a little more of an acting effort from her - at least ACT like she's torn between another afternoon with you or the concert. You probably would have insisted that she go and have a nice time, she would reluctantly go and you wouldn't be upset about this stuff.
It's okay that this irked you, but I don't think it's okay to judge her too heavily or let this action effect the way you see her/how you think she feels about you. She was not in the wrong to go. Start moving on from this incident! Good luck.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Nonsense. She had plans to go see this concert since a long time, you knew it and you were cool with that- you were OK with spending a few hours apart. It would have been nice you could have joined her, but since you could not , she just stuck to the original plan- that you had approved.
Also, she had already paid her ticket. I approve of people who do not throw their money away,- unless it's an emergency.
Moreover, it wasn't a huge show so it won't have lasted all night- more like a couple of hours . You could have spent ( you probably did ) some time together at the end of the concert.
Lastly, aren't you glad for her she got to enjoy something that she was looking forward since a long time ?
Your wish to spend with her as much time as possible is very understandable- but that of making her whole world rotate around you ,not so much.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Supply and demand. There aren't concerts every day, but you're always available. She already had a ticket to the concert and if she missed it, she couldn't just go see on the next day, but you are always around. Besides, you technically bailed on her, promised to see the concert with her but then didn't get a ticket and left her there alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): It sounds like you and her might have different expectations from a relationship and THAT's what you should be talking to her about. Do you know if she's happy just seeing you once a week? Is that the kind of easy maintenance, low-key relationship she wants? Or would she like to see you more as you clearly do her? Maybe that's something you can start a conversation about next time you see her. First ask her what she wants before explaining what you do. Try and keep it calm and avoid an argument if you can.
Did you get to do anything with her after the concert? Or were you just her taxi? If you were her taxi I can understand you feeling put out like that. But like everyone else said, she was probably really looking forward to it and just didn't think. If you want to ask her about it, do it diplomatically, like maybe after you've asked about how much time she'd like to spend with you, then you talk about how you'd like to see her more, you can use missing out on spending the concert night with her as an example and say you'd been really looking forward to seeing her then. And then she might say she feels really bad about it etc and wishes she'd spent it with you too. Or she might not have realised it was a problem - which comes back to what I started out saying about different expectations you both might have of your relationship. Personally I wouldn't miss something like that to hang out with my boyfriend and I know he wouldn't for me either - I wouldn't want him to, it would make me uncomfortable. It doesn't mean we care any less for each other, it's just the kind of relationship we want to have. I know there are a lot of women out there who would give up their plans in a second to be with their boyfriend and would love the way you would for them too. It just depends on the people involved.
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A
male
reader, jrns96 +, writes (13 December 2010):
Calm down. its me, the first guy who responded to u. i am not saying ur selfish. read my previous answer. im telling u to calm down. she may not have had the chance to fully grasp the situation.lublyuyu has a point. the bigger problem is the lack of time spent between u two. besides, some things r just not worth the storm. this is bound to start a huge fight between u two over something that isnt too serious in the long run. when u were a child, if u were told u can stay at a frend's house or go to an amusement park without hem, what would u have sed? even if u chos ur friend, many people would have chosen te amusement park. she is one of those people. im not saying ur feelings dont matter. im on ur side here. but i can guarantee u that her feelings are going to manifest themselves in some vile ways if u dont just drop it. maybe not drop it, but approach this problem a little more logically, practically, and sympathetically. i sincerely hope i helped.
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A
male
reader, KnuckleHead +, writes (13 December 2010):
KnuckleHead is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLike I said... I can honestly see how I come off as selfish in this situation. I just don't see this as one sided thing here though. How can I just go with her and she thinks its cool to be like "alright peace, see you later"?... i undestand she had plans to go by herself before, but I was under the impression that those plans changed to include me. I don't understand how anyone in that situation could just do that. So everyone here is telling me if they made plans to go with someone to a concert and the day comes, you pick her up and everything.... You end up finding out you cant go, after waiting in line the whole time and you wouldn't feel the least bit hurt?
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 December 2010):
 How is she selfish? She made plans without you and followed through on them. You are selfish for thinking she should forget about her plans and getting mad because she didn't. It has nothing to do with being female, and I don't even know why you brought that up.
You never even told her that you wanted to hang out with her that night. If you wanted to hang out with her, you should have said so, not expected her to read your mind and "know" that she should ditch her concert for you.
You shouldn't expect her to dump pre-made plans for you because you're dating. She's allowed to go out and do other things and have a social life that doesn't involve you.
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A
male
reader, Dr Col  +, writes (13 December 2010):
Get a grip...In terms of the concert if she had already made plans you were not originally factored into the equation. Have you shown an interest in the artist of choice? My thinking is probably not. I can see your thinking in terms of the one night per week thing. Anyone in a loving, committed relationship should be willing to spend time together. Not all of their time, but some none the less. I think you should spend less time worrying about what happened with the concert and look at finding common ground with your girlfriend and activities that you can do together. I think that to dwell on this may ruin what could potentially be the love of your life. Hold on to what you've got and take an interest in what she is doing...you never know...you might have more in common than you thought...
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A
female
reader, LublyuYa  +, writes (13 December 2010):
I think you're being a bit selfish here. She had plans, she really wanted to go, and this probably isn't a concert that goes on all the time, whereas she can always see you the next day or sometime soon. Be happy your gilrfriend can think for herself and has other hobbies besides ones she shares with you, there's nothing wrong with having a bit of individuality. If anything, you should talk about hanging out more because this seems to be the bigger problem, not about her wanting to go to the concert she already planned to go to and had tickets for.
Hope that helps
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A
male
reader, KnuckleHead +, writes (13 December 2010):
KnuckleHead is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo you're saying I should just let this slide because I'm the selfish one? I'm not saying I'm not selfish but just because she's the female I should just think about her thoughts and completely disregard mine? Like I mentioned before....i would drop everything for her. I sorta expect her to do the same. And I honestly think that me just meeting this go and not talking to her about it just so I don't appear selfish is dumb. Thats like saying it's okay for her to look selfish and disregard me...but god forbid I do. I wanna be completely honest with her but I don't wanna seen angry about it.
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A
male
reader, jrns96 +, writes (13 December 2010):
ouch...ok this is not as serious as ur seeing it. maybe in the moment, she didnt know exactly how to respond. did u walk away quickly? perhaps she didnt have enough time to respond the way she would have. i bet if she could turn back time and hang out with u, she would. because now she knows it's coming and can react accordingly. and on a practical level, it would have been a waste of money and a lost experience if she hadn't gone. i hope this helped =]
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 December 2010):
Yeah, well, she didn't. She had made specific plans to go to that concert and had been looking forward to it for a while. Regardless of your opinions of the performers, she really wanted to go. You shouldn't hold it against her that she did what she planned to do. You wanted her to make her own decision and she did. Plenty of people don't mind going to concerts by themselves.
I wouldn't even bring it up with her because that would make you look selfish, especially since you're weren't in the original plans.
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