A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is depressed because she’s obese. She’s tried quite a lot of diets but nothing seems to work as she gives up after a couple of weeks. Generally I’d say she eats about the same amount that I do and if anything I’m underweight. What can I do?
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): Hi there just wanted to give you some advice as I have been both depressed and obese.Firstly id like to congratulate you for sticking by your girlfriend. You caring and support no doubt mean the world to her.Unfortunantly depression and obesity are a vicious cycle that are hard to break away from. Depression leads to making poor food choices and comfort eating (she may be snacking when you are away LOTS of obese people do that) and a lack of motivation and will for all things including exercise.Nowhere in your post do you mention excercise. Dieting alone is not the answer and will do nothing in the long run to help with obesity as diets are not life long changes that can be stuck to.What you guys need is a whole lifestlye overhaul and due to her lack of motivation you may have to embark on the journey with her.Your girlfriend needs to get MOVING. Excercise alone is a powerful antidepressant which elevates your mood and your metabolic rate for hours after you do it. The importance is to gradually build up. How about you take her for a walk each night either before or after dinner, make these times a positive experiance where the two of you enjoy each others company away from the couch.How I lost weight was1- Excercised 3 times a week at the start by going for a 1/2 hour walk with my boyfriend2- after a month commenced some excersise on my own after this time as it made me feel good3- joined a womans only gym and added weights as muscle burns heaps of calories even when you are resting4- Cooked healthy meals but never dieted5- Cut down my alcohol intake6- stopped drinking everything but tea coffee (without sugar) and water as it is a well documented fact that we are drinking ourselves fat these days with soft drink and juices.i should mention that I started on antidepressants and gradually weaned myself off them as I built up my excercise regieme.It all sounds hard but its not. Excersise with her you will benefit from it too even skinny people need to keep moving for cardiovascular health.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 April 2009):
You really need to try and get her on those anti-depressants. Tell her that you aren't worried about lack of sex and will never leave her or cheat on her.
They will not solve the problem but they will allow her to think clearly and do something about it.
You say that she is eating the same as you but I think you need to ask to see a nutritionist. She must be eating the wrong things or eating in the wrong way for her to remain this size.
Also, I cannot stress exercise enough. She needs to get her metabolism up and get some muscle tone.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. Sorry for taking a while to get back to you all. Thanks everyone for your help, and especially k c100 for your massive response :) I should have mentioned that she has been to the doctor about it lots of times. She's just been given some pills which are supposed to make fat go right through your body so none of it is stored. She doesn't think it's going to work though because she doesn't think she eats much anyway and I agree really. Is it possible to be this overweight while eating around the same amount and possibly healthier food someone who is close to underweight?The doctor has also given her antidepressants in the past and he still is prescribing them but she doesn't want to take them because, she says, it stops her sex drive. I don't understand why she thinks her sex drive is a more important than the issue that what is causing her to cry on a daily basis. When she was taking her anti-depresants, she seemed much happier but claims that she still worried about her weight all the time. I have doubts though, while it might have been on her mind, she wasn't talking about it and crying over it like she is now. She gets very stressed when i bring up the subject though so I can't really find out what's wrong. I don't know what to do. To answer ilovebowsandcherries question, I think she's obese because the BMI chart clearly shows she is. I'm being more frank on here than I am to her face. I'm always very careful when I approach the subject.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Good tips from other aunts here, so I just want to mention that there are certain medical conditions that can cause obesity. It's a small percentage (most people just eat too much) but it's worth having her checked out. One of the causes is depression, by the way.
I know because I had depression too. Since the diagnosis and treatment, I've lost 30 lbs (what is that, 2 stone?) and eat better and exercise and feel great!
So she might be obese because she's depressed. Get her to the doctor, then the nutritionist and personal trainer. And 'be the change you want to see.' That means, eat healthfully yourself, go do physical things with her. And remember that women need fewer calories than men, unless you're both the same height and frame?
Good luck; it can be done, she just needs to believe in herself a bit longer.
...............................
A
female
reader, CandyCakes +, writes (17 March 2009):
Firstly, diets don't work. What you need to do with her is see a dietitian. Then the doctor can set up a good diet, not like diet--south beach, but like diet--what you eat.
Try and limit her intake of sweets. Focus on lots of veggies and rice, as well as protein in meats (lean meats!).
Also, start an exercise regime with her. The two of you could go to the gym together. This will help her slim down and help you bulk up with manly muscle, it's a win win.
But really, DIETICIAN! It's his/her job to help people eat better.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Diets never work so the first thing she should do is stop dieting! Generally if you start a diet, at some point in time you will always come back off the diet, hence all the weight will go back on. What she needs to do is change her lifestyle and eating habits for ever! So that means no fad diets, no extreme plans, just a few simple changes that she will stick to for the rest of her life.
Here are just some things that will make a big difference:
1. Swap all white carbohydrates for brown ones! i.e. no more white bread, no more white rice, no more white pasta. All these have to be wholegrain/wholewheat/wholegrain = Brown!!!! It pretty much tastes the same as the white versions however they release the calories much slower than white versions, hence you feel fuller for longer. They also have more nutritional benefit as they are not processed (thats how they make them so white - they process them until they have none of the original goodness in them!).
2. Start off with a bigger amount of carbs in the morning, and then reduce as the day goes on. This means that breakfast should be a big meal, where there are a decent amount of carbs. Lunch should still be a fair size meal but the amount of carbs should be less than breakfast. For dinner, there should ideally be no carbs (but if she's like me, this will be too hard so what I normally do is have 3 or 4 low fat potato wedges with whatever dinner I am having just to satisfy my carb craving!).
3. Cut portion sizes. I bet the portions she is eating are pretty large, if she just reduces the sizes of her meals this will make a huge difference.
4. Stop snacking! cut out all crisps, chocolate, sweets....any extra snacks between meals are unncessary and will only be making her bigger. If she gets hungry between meals then fruit and veg are fine, but nothing else!
5. Do some weight training! Weights are often thought as of an exercise that should be done only by men, but this is just not true. When the body has a higher muscle mass than fat mass, it requires more energy = more calories to keep it ticking over. Therefore you can be burning more calories just by sitting down doing nothing as long as your body has plenty of muscle. Now this doesnt have to be bulky muscle, it can be lean muscle. The gym is the best place to do weights as they have them for the whole body, and a whole body weight routine is neccessary to get maximum results. However if she cannot afford the gym then buy some weights for her at home and look up the different exercises on line, this should help.
6. Drink more water! This is just a common rule, that water helps flush out any toxins and also helps you to feel full. Sometimes when we feel hungry we are actually de-hydrated and the body just wants something to drink! But it has to be water, no diet fizzy drinks as these are still bad! If water is becoming too unbearable for her then no added sugar low calorie fruit squashes are fine.
7. Cut down on Alcohol! Alcohol is full of empty calories i.e calories that dont give the body any energy. In one night of drinking (where you have anything from 3-10 drinks), you can consume around 2000 calories! Thats a whole days calorie allowance for a woman! So she should try and only drink at weekends, and then it should be either wine, champagne or spirits like vodka and a diet mixer. No alcopops, beer, cider etc as these are full of calories!
8. Cut out all bad foods! I know this will be hard for your girlfriend but if she is serious about losing the weight then she will do this. So she cant be eating any take-aways, junk food, cakes, biscuits, etc etc. everything needs to be fresh and healthy, with lots of veg!
9. eat veg first! This is a great way to fill you up! Instead of just tucking in to her meal, she needs to start off by eating all the veg on her plate first, this way she will feel full quicker as veg is full of fibre that will fill the stomach quicker than say meat or carbs or fats.
10. Look at food labels! As a rule, the food you are buying should be less than 10% fat (thats 10% of the total weight of the product/portion). It should also be fairly low in calories for the size of product. Food labels all clearly show what is in them, she needs to take the time to check before she buys them!
11. Snack Size! If your girlfriend is a chocoholic like me, then she needs to switch from full size bars once or twice a day (or even more!) to snack size bars. If I get a bad chocolate craving I have one snack size bag of maltesers or a milkyway, which have loads less calories and fat, yet you still get the chocolate hit! I have 2 of these a day maximum.
This is just a selection of things she can do. If she is really unhappy then maybe it is a good idea for her to go to the doctors and if she has a BMI over 30, then they might be able to prescribe her some weight loss tablets. But she will need to lose at least 5lbs before a doctor will prescribe these as the patient needs to show a commitment to losing weight. These tablets are not a quick fix, and have some pretty unpleasant side effects. So if she can lose the weight through diet and exercise alone that would be better.
Also, I understand you may look at what she eats and compare to your own eating habits, and if they are the same you may wonder why she is so big. But the answer to this is because people have different metabolisms and different genes. So while you may be able to eat what you want, she wont be able to do this and this will be why she has got herself into this situation. You need to help her as much as you can - stop eating junk food/her favourite foods around her when she is trying to be healthy so you are not putting temptation right in front of her. Exercising together is a great one and it will help her so much. You could join a gym together, or go out for a walk together every weekend.
All of these little things I have explained above combine together to make a big difference! And they do not feel like a specific diet, rather they are just ways to make your life healthier. She shouldnt feel deprived of anything; say one night she is craving a pizza then she can have one. But then for the rest of the week she needs to be good! One treat a week normally works well, as you look forwards to it instead of thinking you cannot have it therefore you feel like you are missing out.
Sorry this is so long but I hope it helps you and your girlfriend!
...............................
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Offer to take up excercise classses with her go running/walking get her a puppy so she knows she has to walk it every day ( but remeber a dog is a memeber of the family and buying one is a decision thats not to be taken lightly) book her in for pole dancing lessons (its great fun and a fantastic workout).
Excercise and the right diet is the only way to loose weight she needs to eat 3 meals you could look into the rosemary connelley diet, you go to an excercise class once a week and you eat 3 meals a day and snacks and as much fruit and veggies as you like and its not normal diet food its all sorts.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 March 2009):
Well the problem with diets is that you have to stick with them.
And it's not about how MUCH she eats, it's WHAT she eats.
All she has to do to lose weight is eat healthy things and exercise. She has to burn up more calories every day than she takes in.
It sounds simple because it really is. The aim is to never be hungry so eat a big breakfast of something like cornflakes or porridge or even rice crispies - just not one that is coated in sugar. Or have lots of brown toast.
Exercise doesn't mean going to a gym or running for miles, it just means doing little things like going for a walk, nothing that puts too much strain on her joints.
Once she builds up some muscle tone then she will be able to do more exercise and also if you have muscles then they burn calories every day just by you being awake so you'll lose more the more you do.
Just some stretches, sit ups, bends and walking will do her good. You can do 2km walking round the average shopping centre.
Exercise will also release endorphins so it is a good treatment for depression as well.
It's a lovely evening so walk with her down to the pub and have a diet coke each and walk home again.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (17 March 2009):
 if she is depressed and thinks she is obese then maybe she should go to the doctor and see if he can provide any slimming pills.
i mean do you think she is obese?
maybe she thinks this because she feels you are thinking this.
try and reassure her and if she still feels it and she can't get pills from the doctor they do sell them in chemists that you can get from over the counter,
hope this helps.
...............................
|
