A
female
age
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*rishLass52
writes:I am in a dilemna and could really use your help!Where to start. I started dating my bf in February 2005, we had some problems later that year and he turned to someone else. We worked out our problems and everything was great until recently. He says he loves me very much doesnt want me to leave him but he is also in love with her and doesnt want to lose her either. I do not understand or accept that you can be "in love" with two at the same time without someone getting hurt, etc. The cavot to this is our schedules really interfer with our being able to see one another (work schedules that is), however, it doesnt for him and her, so naturally he will get to see her more. I am so torn because to me he is everything, he is my soulmate, the love of my life. We grew together so passionately and now I dont know if I walk away or stay. Either way it hurts terribly, I am 52 years old and dont feel I should be going through all of this at this point in my life. I dont know what to believe or trust. The crazy part is she is okay with it, its me who isnt, so naturally I will be the loser in the end. I hope I didnt confuse you but I am so confused. Your input is greatly appreciated! Have a wonderful day!
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female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (17 March 2009):
 I'm going to keept it simple - let him go. Would he share you with another man, no way. Just let it go, you're too old for that. Stories like that happen in high school and not to women in their 50s, it's ridiculous, he is ridiculous and you don't deserve that.Just walk away, let it go. He's a tool.
A
female
reader, CandyCakes +, writes (17 March 2009):
Unless you can come to terms with her and share (which is nearly impossible) you have to make a hard decision.
Firstly, you're way too old to be dealing with this stuff. I'm assuming he is the same age as you, shouldn't he be less immature and CHOOSE!?
Exactly as the first replier said, he's getting the best of everything because the two of you are in love with him.
If you can't handle sharing him, you need to tell him that you love him, but you need him to be faithful only to you. It might end badly, yes, but it might not.
I had two boys who were interested in me, one of them was going to let me date both of them, and the other wanted me all for himself. I went for the boy who was possessive, and we've been in a happy relationship for nearly two years now...
But your guy, he needs to grow up and be a man. Little boys can't decide between two girls, men should know. But I might be being too mean to him. He could be very conflicted. You need to talk with him...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): The best solution I can see here, might be for YOU to become strong and self-assured enough, so that you no longer need a man, like this, in your life, who commits infidelity. There are so many loyal men out there and here you are, stuck loving this cad! Becoming a strong, confident woman is not a means to winning back an unfaithful bf, but it is a case of winning back your own self-respect, your pride and dignity that he took with him, when he started boinking her!
In a nutshell, he bailed..instead of facing the relationship problems with you--he turned to someone else. Not a very decent, commendable partner is he? And if by slim chance, he gets this woman "out of his system" and he comes back to you, what's to say he won't get another one "in his system" and he leave you again. I mean you can't trust this guy can you and the painful cycle begins again and again. This could keep going on and on, for years to come. Why would you do that to yourself? You need to get tough and never tolerate the hurtful disrespect of infidelity, ever again. You however need to be strong and be clear with yourself, about what you want your life to be and stick to those ground rules, in the future. Don't you waver, now! If you become strong and clear in yourself, you will win, in the end! With or without him. Preferably without. You might really surprise yourself because when you are strong enough to no longer need him, you might not want him back, anyways. Amazing what confidence, self-esteem and inner pride does for a woman. So rather than trying to win him back, take all the energy you could waste on this man and work hard to stop loving him and learn to love yourself, fully and unconditionally. So give yourself a chance to believ fully in you...not him and move away from this pain. And don't ever forget...for even a day...how very special you are. You have other options here. Get stronger and seek happiness, elsewhere--why be the girl on the back burner?. You truely deserve to have someone love you, completely, with no other competition in the picture. Review your fears of 'loss'...accept it and move on to brighter days. But give yourself ttime to grow and develop your self-esteem so you will never tolerate this kind of treatment from anyone in your life. I would suggest that you find yourself a good counselor to support you in your own inner journey. Start living today and wash this man out of your hair, girl. Do what it takes. Good luck and I'm with you all the way!!
Hugs, Irish xx
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 This is easy your boyfriend is having his cake and eating it two girlfriends both in love with him. Huni if he loved you he would not be with someone else you love him and dont want to be with someone else at the same time (as far as i can tell) do you really want to be in a relationship when everything he says to you he says to someone else? In my eyes this is cheating even if you do know about the other woman and know how he feels about you.
He can have everything and who is to say in the future he will decide he loves her more? Do you want to go through all the pain and heartache that would cause? Because i certainly would not!
I think you need to sit him down talk to him and tell him he neefds to choose because i dont think you deserve to be with someone who says he loves you but loves someone else to. I dont think it is fair on anyone especially not you, if he chooses her then fair enough you will find someone else so much better who will love you and only you
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