A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello friends!So here's a little about my situation: I was dating this guy and we were amazing together. We communicated, we were in tune, we understood, we made each other explicitly happy. He's also a pretty transparent person - whatever emotion he's feeling, you can tell. I've felt nothing but good in our relationship, and he's constantly telling me how happy I make him, how much I mean to him, how he's so lucky, etc. But then he broke up with me on Friday. In my opinion, it was completely random. When I asked him why, he didn't really answer. He has a LOT of stuff going on. He's thinking about dropping out of school and enlisting in the army, he's thinking about moving out of his family home, he's basically being forced into a corner with all these life decisions. He also doesn't like talking about his personal problems. When we broke up, he kept telling me that I make him incredibly happy, he admitted that this was probably a mistake... that he'll miss me. So my question is.... Why? Why go through with the break up? And is it not only possible, but likely for us to get back together?
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male
reader, faenon  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 I highly doubt this young man will come back to you not because of the military issue but because your spiritualism and life views are different his religious your not just because he maybe allowed weakness of the flesh during the relationship with you doesnt mean his religious views are void we all make mistakes when in love he obviously wants someone who is religious and has same or similar beliefs as himself.
Nothing you can do about that you change a mans mind.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Funny ,the way when people are in love their hearing gets impaired.
He told you why he broke up. Because you don't share the same ideals, values, life vision- so that makes him doubt you have a futur together.
Religion is important to him, it's not to you. You say :it can't be that important if he couldn't be celibate.
Spirit is strong and flesh is weak- the celibacy challenge is faced and lost every day by thousands and thousands of Muslims, Catholics, Jews and other believers , who value abstinence before marriage. That's a fall, a slip up in their spiritual percourse- it does not mean that they are OK with slipping up and they don't feel conflicted about it. Most of all, they want to teach their children certain values ,even if as for themselves they weren't able to always respect them - as it happens to human beings. If you partner share your values, it's much easier.
Then, the military thing. Of course he'd like you to be excited. It's a difficult, demanding path- you'd want your partner to be not just OK with it, but triumphantly proud .
A military man, and his spouse and family, has in front of himself a road that's fraught with danger, sacrifices and
inconveniences- and you don't even become rich at the end.
Therefore, that your spouse is 100% solidal with your choice becomes a must,not an option.
Of course , right now it can be that , on top of that, there's also stress, confusion, family problems, etc. - but I would not dismiss as an excuse, or a futility, what he said about your differences- I thinks he means it.
your differences in values- I think he means it .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to a few questions...
chigirl:
Transparent in the sense that he wears his heart on his sleeve. Any emotion he's showing, you can see it.
Not talking about his personal problems in the sense that his coping method to deal with this stress is to suck it up and not say a word.
In other words, I felt like there was something on his mind this entire week. I knew something was bothering him, but it could be a plethora of reasons - school resuming, arguments with his parentals, enlisting, etc.
But thank you for your insight. It gives me a new perspective on it.
Jmtmj & mattstermind :
Having a guy's opinion really gives me a new perspective! Thank you for commenting!
I'll respond to you collaboratively.
I've made speculations in the last couple days and the most I can come up with is that he's either:
- decided to enlist and will leave at the end of the month. Would rather break it off now and not get attached even more.
or - with all the pressures he has going on in his life, and me pushing for answers about what's wrong when he's so against talking about it, he needed the time and space to figure it out. Sort of like a...eliminate the easiest problem type of thing so he can have room to breathe.
Also:
When we broke up, he mentioned that he "didn't see the relationship working out." Because "we don't get excited about the same things." When I asked him to elaborate on that he mentioned two things: "I'm highly religious, you're not." and "I've wanted to be in the military since I was a kid. And it doesn't seem like you're that excited about it."
To the first point, I can honestly say that religion didn't come up at ALL in our relationship. He can't be highly religious while breaking his religious vows of remaining untouched until he's married to the girl. And to the second point, he's absolutely right. I'm not that excited about army / military things. My family was never army / military based. But I supported every conversation he wanted having to do with the subject.
To finish, I think he just got scared. And I want to have hope that we'll sort this out. This really is completely random in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 How transparent is he when he doesn't like to tell you about his personal problems?
I fear there are a lot of things you don't know about this guy, and likely he has just given you a picture perfect image when the truth about who he is is quite different.
When you are in love you rarely see people for who they truly are and only see what you want to see. Hence the blissful happiness. But that doesn't mean it will stay blissful and happy happy joy joy forever. ALL couples in the entire world are blissfully happy the first months of being together. But stuff happens. Something happened that made him change his mind about being with you. It's impossible to say exactly what, but like I said... you didn't really know him as much as you think you did if you don't know why he ended the relationship.
You'll find someone new and then this guy can feel like a douchebag for letting something amazing slip away.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Anythings possible, but its impossible to say whether you're likely to get back together or not... especially since you don't really know why he made this decision to begin with.
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A
male
reader, mattstermind  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 well first off, if he is enlisting maybe he doesn't want you or his family to go through as much. he might just think he is doing what is best for you. ,Good luck
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