A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I live together (almost a year now). He has remained friends with some of his exes which I have no problem with, as I admit - I have maintained a friendship with one of my exes - mainly we discuss business as we were business partners for a short time. All my conversations with him are in front of my boyfriend so he knows nothing is going on. We do not message eachother all the time and do not talk constantly to one another.I have met many of my boyfriend's exes or friends that are females who partake in going out with us with their new significant others, etc. Many have added me as a friend to social networks, went out, and none of us find it weird at all, as we have all moved on, some are now married, etc - but there is one who always seems to pop up that was his previous relationship before me. I don't expect her to be friends with me - but recently, she is constantly texting my boyfriend - I mean the entire day hours at a time. When I found this out I was very upset. Partially because it was while my bf was at work and they would text back and forth and he would barely send me one msg all day. On one day, he called her after work while he was driving hom. Yes, I was a bit jealous. He thinks I was overreacting saying "ohh, she's a nice girl" etc. and we're just friends. Even his mother said I had "nothing to worry about" with this girl as they're just friends. My boyfriend and his mother knew this bothered me, yet acted like it was no big deal, both sticking up for her and seeing nothing wrong with the fact that they conversated all day...His mother even was messaging her in front of me one day when she was in a bad mood, telling me that she was talking to her - like she was rubbing it in on purpose. I swear she did it on purpose, yet I don't know. (his mother is friends with this girl, which is how my bf and the girl met in the first place). I love my boyfriend's mom to death, but some of this was hurtful. I am a shy person who rarely sticks up for myself so I find it very difficult to confront situations like this.Well, this girl vanished out of the picture for a little bit. All of a sudden, the messaging back and forth started back up as of a few days ago...This girl's boyfriend she was dating broke it off with her. I know my bf is trying to be a friend to her and console, but part of me does not like the fact that she is using my boyfriend as a shoulder to cry on. It makes me very uncomfortable, considering my bf broke it off with her in the past and I suspect she MAY still have feelings for him. She denied invitations I sent to her on a social network trying to "meet her" and be a friend in the past...considering she seems to be friends with everyone else, including my bf and his mother. My bf invited her out with us in the past, and she rejected, saying it would be "weird". This only leads me to believe there are still feelings there that she has for my boyfriend.My issue is not so much with her, but my boyfriend is completely oblivious to this. Tonight, he even mentioned we all hang out together. I have never met this girl and she has NO desire it seems to even meet me in the first place, yet she continues to message him all day.I've seen some of the texts. I am not concerned about my boyfriend cheating on me, but this just seems unacceptable. Is this normal? Do I honestly have any say in this if they remained friends after they broke up? I don't want to control who my boyfriend is friends with by any means, but the fact that she doesn't acknowledge the relationship btwn him and I just rubs me the wrong way. What hurts even more, is that he spends more of his day talking to her through text than he does with me in one day! I know, that sounds childish but I have already approached this situation once with it being rubbed off, now I don't know how to bring it up again - especially since she just broke up with her boyfriend and I don't want to sound cruel...
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at work, broke up, his ex, jealous, my ex, no desire, shy, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TheeAlligator +, writes (27 May 2011):
 The ex girlfriend is scum.
And "Faenon": good point. An "ex" is an ex for a reason!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): I have wagered this kind of battle with my husband for many years. He remains in contact with one particular ex and they text and talk all the time and it also makes me feel uncomfortable. I have told him countless times that it makes me feel uneasy and insecure and that I would really like it to stop but he won't and he now calls me a control freak etc. He gets so mad about it he suggested I get him gagged and tagged then I can stop him doing anything. All I want is the calls and texts to this lady to cease but he can't and won't see it this way which makes it clear to me that some kind of emotional dependency is involved. I am so tired of it.
I cannot give you any good advice on this because unless he wants to stop he is going to continue speaking with this person and will just move to doing it behind your back if you continue to make a fuss. The mother was mean doing what she did. The fact the lady refused any of your invitations on facebook is very suspect and I would say to your boyfriend that you have tried but she won't involve you in any of the meetings or accept your invitations. Explain that her exluding you is not nice and that you really can't put up with them talking all the time anymore even if he is helping her through a bad patch. I personally could not cope with this as it would grind me down and I don't believe his behaviour or his mother's is right. I cannot imagine he would like you doing this to him if the roles were reversed. You could ofcourse play the opposite of just not being bothered anymore and let it all glide over you not even asking or bothering about her but that is very hard to play and not something I have been able to do - I think you need to be a very strong character to be able to do that one.I think the best option is to sit him down and talk to him about it and if he won't stop re-evalaute what exactly you are getting out of the realtionship.
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A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Eh it sounds like she's still trying to score brownie points with him and mum but then again I'm one of the few oddballs who doesnt believe in remaining friends with an ex their not a part of your life no more for a reason so why on earth hang onto em for.
Since his starting to spend more time talking with her again then you id be putting the foot down asking why he is spending more time with her when he is meant to be with you it doesn't sound normal.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Who was it said 'hold your friends close, and your enemies closer"?
If your boyfriend is suggesting you all hang out maybe thats not a bad idea. Invite her around for a bbq and invite some of his other ex girlfriends as well, let her get the message that she is one of them, and there is only one of you.
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A
male
reader, mattstermind  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 yes i'm sure he has feelings there for her, but im also sure they aren't anything like his feelings towards you. depending on how long the two were together maybe she is just so used to having his shoulder to cry on, he is the easiest one to go to with her problems. just ask him to message you a bit more and throw in a little hint here and there that it bugs you.
,Good luck.
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