A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Recently, I decided I'd introduce my boyfriend to my friends. I met him through the internet and we had an online relationship until we met some months ago. Of course all of them didn't believe such thing as internet relationships could ever work out, and thought he was either a serial killer waiting to hunt me down and sell my kidneys, or a disgusting perverted old man who wanted to trick me. Yup, it's like the internet is a place where only criminals hang out.Anyway, my boyfriend is not what you'd call attractive. But he has a personality most people would die for, he's incredibly sweet and gentle and he would do anything for me. He has a sense of humour, is intelligent and I can talk to him about anything, even about things that are supposed to be between girls. I never met a guy with a similar personality as him, and that's what makes him unique. He also has a soft and gentle voice which I adore. All that makes him attractive to me. Some days ago I took him to meet some of my friends, we went to a cafe and then to the cinema. While he was in the bathroom, a lot of them took that chance to ask me "Wtf are you doing? He's not good looking at all! You are like a complete godess in front of him! Do you know what you're doing???" and acted shocked and everything. One even told me "I don't know how you do it. I wouldn't be able to. I congratulate you".After that I've been both incredibly mad at my friends and depressed about it. Having people calling your boyfriend ugly like that isn't the best thing to hear. I simply cannot understand what the big fuss over the looks is. You could give me a runaway model who's drop dead gorgeous with a dule personality and lack of interests and I would definitely choose my boyfriend over him. But still, what my friends said can't help but make me feel bad and I don't even want to feel that way.As if this isn't enough, my mother herself is shallow to the point where she judges almost everyone based on their appeariance. When she met him all she could tell me was "What will people say when they see such a beautiful girl with a guy like this?". They don't understand how much they're hurting me, they think they're helping me realize what's "best for me". I'm honestly sick of all this.What are your thoughts on this? Do looks really top personality that way?
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female
reader, Leah123 +, writes (12 September 2009):
I know how you feel, when I met my bf he was going through a rough patch; all my friends told me I was making a big mistake, that he looked rough and marked and that it would never last. It got to me so much I didn't even have the guts to tell my family! 3 years down the line, we are still together, my friends got to know him and all I get is 'your boyfriend may not be my type, but he is the ideal guy!' (and my relatives absolutely adore him)...As French writer St-Exupéry puts it, 'it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye'. You made the right choice :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): If it doesn't bother you then don't let it start bothering you now. It sucks that your friends are like that but I do understand it.
If he's in decent physical shape, he's clean & hygenic, he's dressed like a normal person, etc, then your friends should give it a rest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): Good looks help, but a great personality is way more alluring in the long term, like a really richly-textured record or book where you can't wait to turn to the next page and find out more.
Your girlfriends sound like a flock of vacuous half-wits: 'You are like a complete goddess in front of him' (anyone who uses the words 'like' 'totally' or 'whatever' in the middle of a sentence isn't intelligent enough to have their opinions taken seriously).
You, on the other hand, sound like TOTALLY cool, and I think it's fantastic to see someone with your attitude - in fact, I think this is the nicest, sweetest post I've seen on DC in a long time.
If your guy is sweet, gentle, funny, intelligent and you love his voice, that sounds good enough to be going on with. Don't ditch your friends, but do give their opinions the consideration they deserve (zero).
Enjoy your man, I'm glad he's neither a serial killer nor a 'disgusting perverted old man' (Actually, the majority of such old men are probably no more disgusting or perverted than their younger equivalents, they just LOOK rotten, and it freaks girls out when these visibly sexually frustrated old men look at them in the same drooling slavering horn-dog way that young sexy guys look at them. But I digress. It's all about not judging people by appearances, and you're well ahead of the pack in that regard.)
And leave your friends to feast on the drop-dead gorgeous male models with the dull personalities (I admit I sometimes do the same, but stupidity and dullness are a huge turn-off eventually, no matter how hot the person is.)
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, taina1980  +, writes (12 September 2009):
who are you trying to please sweety? the only pperson that opinion counts in this mtter is your own . diffrent strokes for diffrent folks. who cares what superficial ppl think.opinions are like assholes everyone has one. i wouldnt worry about it . and by you getting upset it will make them think that he embarress you or that you care. its your life do what makes you happy.
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A
female
reader, cold_as_ice17 +, writes (12 September 2009):
 You seem to know where your heart is. You seem to really like your boyfriend so it should not matter what he looks like. Mother's and friends always feel that you can do better and for a mother, no boyfriend will ever be good enough for her daugther. As long as you are happy his looks should not matter.
I myself went through the same thing so i know exactly how you feel. In the end i am the one who never has gotten her heart broken by a boyfriend compared to my friends; because i'm not shallow and look for deeper thiings in a guy than just looks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): well thank god you're not as shallow and narrow-minded as your so called friends.
tell them to get a grip. looks fade with age personality is long lasting. and when their amazing good looking boyfriends cheat on them or break their hearts and you're standing hand in hand with mr wonderful personality they won't be so smart then.
good luck to you, sounds like you've landed a good guy. hang onto him, trust me there aren't many.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): I met my current partner on the Internet. I fell in love with him for his personality not his looks. My partner is 17 years older than me - sure we may not have gelled in real life because I would not normally be attracted to an old guy but true love comes from within. I suspect your friends are quite immature & have never had the good fortune to feel the way you do.
Before meeting my current guy i was married to a hot guy but that relationship and his subsequent marriage to a barbie doll failed.. Lust doesn't last.. Love does!
I wouldn't give my guy up for anything, he is loving, caring & we have a connection I've never felt before. In my opinion my happiness is paramount in my life.. If u drop this guy u could find yourself feeling alone & miserable - who's going to make u feel better then? Keep the guy - in a few years after a few bad relationships your friends will understand & appreciate what u have. Good on you for seeing the true beauty in this guy!
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (12 September 2009):
 All that matters is YOU fancy him.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (12 September 2009):
 Hell NO! Personality is everything!You can tell your Mother and friends that you adore your boyfriend and when they insult him they insult you to. Let them know talking this way about him is not acceptable! I met my boyfriend over the internet and he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Also my family didn't accept him cause of his race but they soon learned that I loved him and there was nothing that they could do to change my mind. Don't give your bf up just because he is not good looking!Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (12 September 2009):
 seriously do not listen to your friends and your mother looks really isnt everything .. most good looking people who know they are beautiful are complete arseholes you will learn that all that matters is that you like him and thats all that counts so what?? big deal your friends dnt think hes goodlooking its not your friends that are going out with him its you and only your opinion counts far as i can see dnt listen to them you love him you stick by him ignore your friends and family they really are so shallow it shows you have great quality and that your so headstrong nt to listen to their nasty comments and do what they think is right its yur life live it your way as long as your happy nohing else matters x
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