A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK folks,I have a real dilemma. I am hoping you can help.There is this girl I know who is from a middle eastern country. She is here on a visa. Very pretty, sweet. We started seeing each other, and then got involved. I thought things were perfect. Thought she was a soulmate. Until one day she said she had something to tell me. She told me that to support herself he sleeps with rich men. I asked her how long. She didn't say. But I know it has been years. She has probably slept with over a hundred men for money.Of course, I am attached to her. I asked her to stop. And this is what she told me. She said she needs to support herself. She cannot get a regular job because she has auditions during the day for modeling, entertainment jobs means she has to be on notice during the day. And working at night is too tiresome because she is also taking an English language class. She also feels she has to support her family back home.So she said to me, I want to stop. I don't like it. It makes me feel dirty. But I have no other choice unless you support me.I cannot support her. That would mean paying her rent, for her school, food, everything. I can barely support myself.So I don't know what to do. I like her, but I cannot stand the thought of her sleeping with other men. I also don't know what this says about her character. Can it be excused under the circumstance?Why didn't she tell me before? (She did say she sleeps with them with a condom, but still...)Is this a big enough excuse to leave the relationship--even if I like the girl?Please help--I cannot figure this out...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013): I understand exactly how your feeling I was just in a situation that was exactly the same, she told me she had been an upscale escort for 4 years, mostly doctors/dentist were her clients, she asked me to help her with her finances so she could get out of that life. At first I was a little freaked out and should have ran for the hills but I cared deeply for her and figured I could help. Well I guess she was making way more then I could ever imagine cause I don't make nearly what she thought I should to help her. She claims she was making 3-5k a week. I make with over time 1200-1500 a week. so she wasn't able live up to the life style she had been accustomed too. We had a few weeks where I couldn't see her as I was out of town on business, when I returned I found she had slept with my best friend who is jobless. we broke up I later found out she was still seeing two of the guys (clients) while we were together. My advice Run its going to end one day might as well make it today.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 there is no excuse for her circumstance.
she's a call girl plain and simple.
if i was in need of income and did not have skills, I would sooner work two jobs scrubbing floors than sleep with men for money.
you need to walk away from this woman
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2012):
 Anon male : oh please. " In her shoes " ? The shoes of a young attractive foreign escort are very expensive ,fashionable, high heeled Prada shoes , and most women would like to be in them:)- if it only would not mean giving away your body and all your dignity to get them.
If this girl is " stuck " in a foreign country with no money ,same as you were... she could do exactly what you did, i.e. slave away washing dishes for a low wage. Not a great job , ( and still against the law if she is an illegal immigrant ) , but , at least in the eyes of the man that she is supposed to love, better than sharing her graces with any affluent Tom, Dick and Harry she meets. The problem is that washing dishes or cleaning floors etc. is real, hard work and does not pay even remotely as well as her line of employement. Or, as making some candid soul pay for her not-so-survival-level ( since it would include school) standard of living.
Anyway, without enlarging the thread too much with generic consideration about prostitution or illegal immigration etc..., the answer to your question is rather obvious and you gave it yourself: You can't. You can't pay for her rent, food, education etc- you can't give her all the things she got used to. She will continue doing her job. Which, you cannot stand. You can't stand the thought of her sleeping with other men . And you'd have to think about it every day that you spend with her ,causing yourself much pain.
Why should you want to do that ? Because you like her, yeah,- but what about liking YOURSELF more, and feeling that you deserve a woman all for yourself, which you would not have to share with anybody ,if the idea of sharing your woman does not belong to your mindset.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 May 2012):
Anon male : oh please. " In her shoes " ? The shoes of a young attractive foreign escort are very expensive ,fashionable, high heeled Prada shoes , and most women would like to be in them:)- if it only would not mean giving away your body and all your dignity to get them.
If this girl is " stuck " in a foreign country with no money ,same as you were... she could do exactly what you did, i.e. slave away washing dishes for a low wage. Not a great job , ( and still against the law if she is an illegal immigrant ) , but , at least in the eyes of the man that she is supposed to love, better than sharing her graces with any affluent Tom, Dick and Harry she meets. The problem is that washing dishes or cleaning floors etc. is real, hard work and does not pay even remotely as well as her line of employement. Or, as making some candid soul pay for her not-so-survival-level ( since it would include school) standard of living.
Anyway, without enlarging the thread too much with generic consideration about prostitution or illegal immigration etc..., the answer to your question is rather obvious and you gave it yourself: You can't. You can't pay for her rent, food, education etc- you can't give her all the things she got used to. She will continue doing her job. Which, you cannot stand. You can't stand the thought of her sleeping with other men . And you'd have to think about it every day that you spend with her ,causing yourself much pain.
Why should you want to do that ? Because you like her, yeah,- but what about liking YOURSELF more, and feeling that you deserve a woman all for yourself, which you would not have to share with anybody ,if the idea of sharing your woman does not belong to your mindset.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): Nothing is easier than judging others while you are not in their shoes! I am a guy I know what she says. Because I am an immigrant myself and I have witnessed if someone, especially a girl, who is stuck in other country with no permission for work and no money will go through huge amount of stress and everyone react and tolerate differently. It doesn’t justify having sex for money all I’m saying is please do not judge! I have been in this situation a PhD student with a load of debt and no permission for work, so what I did I was working illegally, I was working in a restaurant. The owner was from my country and agreed to give me a job and I was washing dishes and working in the kitchen until middle of the night, and going to school next day. The money was so tight but still was better than nothing but I had hope that I will graduate soon. I paid all my debt when I got my first job after I was done with the school. How about her does she have such an opportunity as I had? I really don’t know if I was a girl maybe I was doing the same thing as she does or not. It is up to you if you want to stay with her or leave. At least you can help her find another job or come up with something so she can leave what she is doing now. Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2012): Hi I am the OP.
First I want to thank everyone for taking the time to reply.
Second I do not agree with the people who say she is Blackmailing me. I don't think She is blackmailing me. She will continue to do what she is doing she says until she can stop but she cannot do that now she says. Still, she says she loves me and wants to be with me.
But how can any person have a relationship with someone when they are sleeping with someone else? My friend says if she really loved me she would stop. I hate ultimatums but this might be true.
Also, now I wonder about the quality of the relationship. Is it like a prostitute-john relationship? Does he give me stuff so I will give her stuff, or is it real.
Most of you say I should end it, and I think I agree. But it doesnt make it easier!
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A
female
reader, JessicaStarDust +, writes (5 May 2012):
 I must agree with what the others have stated. Altho I would like to put my two cents in as well.
In the past I dated a man from the Middle East. I was with him for 3 years and knew him for 10. I grew up with his family and learned many things from them. One thing I know 100% for sure is that they loathe when women disrespect them and their selves. (sadly they strongly believe women belong under them. Certain people tho.) If her family knew what she was doing for that money. I am sure they would disown her.
Now with her excuse. You do not ever have to sleep with people for money. It's just an easy solution for money. She knows this. She make feel dirty with herself but a huge part of her does not care or she would stop modeling and get a job that can support her habits.
"I cannot support her." you said it yourself. Honestly, before you jump into any type of relationship you always want to know that the other is able to take care of themselves. What she is asking of you is something that if you attempt to do you would most likely end up on the streets. DO NOT put yourself in that position.
I hope everything goes well for you. Thank you for coming to DearCupid Aunts&Uncle for advice. I trust you will do whatever is best for you.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (4 May 2012):
 You've got yourself a classic gold digger, my friend.
You need to remove your heart from this equation and look at the FACTS. I know it's difficult, because you're looking at her through rose-tinted glasses, but she is DAMAGED GOODS right now and -extremely- toxic to your quality of life.
Here's the facts.
She's cheated on you. Slept around, probably not always with protection. She's after money, 100%, and willing to screw wealthy men to get it. She told you, in no uncertain terms, that her modeling (I.E. Escort job) is more important to her than getting, say...a REAL job. And she's telling you that she's not going to stop cheating on YOU unless you pay her. I would not be surprised if you have genital warts now, because even if she did use condoms 100% of the time she's been screwing other men, condoms don't protect against genital warts. They're spread by skin-to-skin contact, and they're extremely contagious. Go get yourself screened at an STD/health/planned parenthood clinic.
So, either she's everyone's prostitute, or she's YOUR prostitute. Either way, she's a gold digger and honestly, that's what you want to make a family with?
So say you eventually go and get yourself a job where you CAN buy her loyalty. What happens to that loyalty if something terrible happens and you get hurt, can't work, get fired, or get sick? She's going to pack her bags and leave, because you can't afford her anymore. That's not love, my friend. That's a live-in whore. Do you -really- want a woman who put money before her mental and physical health? Before real and lasting relationships?
Do you want someone who refuses to get a REAL job, who can't support herself independently -at all-?
I was a model, back when I lived in California. I never had to be "on call", EVER. And I worked -professionally-, for catalogs and commercials. I was -ALWAYS- booked way in advance, and the only "models" who are "on call" are ESCORTS. That's the kind of woman you're falling for right now. I kept a regular full-time job while I was modeling, and I also went to college. If I can do it, so can she. But she won't, because she knows she can just fuck for money, so she doesn't have to. And if you decide to take care of her, she's only going to stick around with you until someone richer comes along. That I can promise.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): One way to look at it is that she wants you to pay her to be with her exclusively. A prostitute through and through? Do you want that?
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 May 2012):
Well, that shows how much she cares about you. There is ALWAYS other work you can do to support yourself other than prostituting yourself. It's always a choice (not counting the girls sold into sex slavery, etc.) You're stupid if you accept this as an excuse.
Your girlfriend is cheating on you and now she is blackmailing you into supporting her. Even if you would be capable of supporting everyone, there's no way you can be sure she isn't sleeping around with other men. Drop her and let her fend for herself. If you have self respect you leave her. It's not hard to figure out, man. She's betraying you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 One never fully knows a person's circumstances, so we can't be 100% sure of what we say. But I have the feeling that this is blackmail.
First, the situation is this: Support me (and my family back home) or I will sleep with other men.
Second, someone who were not comfortable with the sleeping around would question whether modeling has such value that 1) she will continue to do it though it won't pay her bills, and 2) she needs to be a prostitute. It seems to me that, unless her circumstances were exceptional (and that is why I say we never fully know a person's circumstances), many people would give up modeling if the sleeping around that comes with it were unbearable.
I would not call this an "excuse" to leave the relationship. It would be a reason. Excuse is the word I would use if I knew I were not being honest, and from the looks of it you are being honest. The girl you like is telling you that you have to keep her or else she will sleep with other men, and you're pondering whether to take her offer or not. I see no excuses there.
I also take note that she won't ask for "help to pay her bills". She wants you to "keep her" - and her family. In passing, I will say that I wonder whether a Middle Eastern family would want to be supported off prostitution, but my major point is that she doesn't even offer to work on something different - of course, she has to take an English course! How many other immigrants find a way to work despite their not knowing the language?
I say you're being blackmailed.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 If she REALLY wanted to stop sleeping with rich men she would without having someone else support her instead. I can't help but wonder about her timing.
Call me cynical but I think she waited until she was sure you had feelings for her then told you. In a way it's emotional blackmail. The only way she will stop this way of life is if YOU pay her way. If you don't she'll carry on and you are the one that's going to feel bad for not being able to support her. I think this woman is trying to manipulate you and in you situation, I'd run for the hills.
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