A
female
age
51-59,
*arefree
writes:Can men and women be "just friends"? Or are men only friends with women that they are attracted to or fine attractive? Speaking from a woman's perspective, I know we can have platonic friends. Let's hear it from the men. :) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): There is some truth in the stereotype. Some. It depends on the man and the situation. But the subject is more complicated and different than women seem to take it to be.
Women and men don't treat the friends and lovers subject the same in general. Men ususally allow more of the total number of women they know into their "possible lover" lists than women do. Women are choosier about who they could ever imagine sleeping with and they are also less able to take a "friend" man and move him into the "lover" category very easily. Men can do this much more readily IMHO.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Absolutely.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 November 2010):
 I have a lot of female friends and I do not actively pursue them for anything except friendship. In fact just last night, I did give one of them a gift for a spectacular show of friendship they displayed earlier this year.
They are all sexually attractive, I will admit to that but, believe it or not, I could never even imagine having sex with them. That is out of the question. It is pure friendship I want, no more and no less.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Do you think of any of your current male friends as "just friends"? Do you anticipate strongly that you will always consider them as such? Make these names into a list. It doesn't matter if you have dated any in the past.
Now, look at the list.
These are your male friends.
End of story.
You make the rules when it comes to these guys.
If you are not feeling it NOW (regardless of if ever you have), who can know if ever you will! You probably won't! And judge all this when you are IN PERSON. Physical attraction can only be worked out PHYSICALLY. And that IS the keystone decider... the physical thing.
Cute face, lots of fun, nice voice, humour and dreams align with your own, skilled and dependable... but one little things is just sliiiightly off? (Can be anything! Freakish gait? Odd slope to the shoulders? Hips too high off the ground? Calves too womanish? Strangely child- like hands?... unless you're into that sorta thing...)
Well Goldilocks, settle or go fish, you've got the crap end of the stick. What's that saying? So many good women, so few good men? What's that other one? Only a woman can change a man? My present Grande Theory of the History of All Natural and Unnatural History and Human and Godly and Ungodly Nature puts these two together. But I an getting a bit side- tracked...
Men will seek out a- sexual female companionship... and even choose it over sexual... depending on the female...
How many women do the same when it comes to guys?
I guess however many enjoy "creepy".
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (22 November 2010):
 I think it is possible under certain circumstances, like when you grew up with someone and the person is literally like a sister. But in adult life, to be close friends with a woman, whom you care for and share parts of yourself, i think it is impossible. I have never been able to pull it off where I remain friends without wanting something more. Unless you are gay, of course.
I honestly do not understand people who say different sexes can be close friends without wanting more. For one, why would a man invest so much emotional energy in a woman "platonic friend" when he is also looking for a mate? Second, such close friendships would be awkward once one person gets married or is involved in a serious relationship. No spouse wants their mate to also have a "close friend" of the opposite sex. They want to be their spouse's best friend.
As much as our egalitarian society claims it is possible, I have yet to see it work. Usually, the way I see it, these relationships are adolescent half-friend/half-boyfriend/girlfriend which don't last into adulthood.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): My view is NO. Unless u do not find her attractive and you PRETEND to be friends with her, otherwise SEX is on the minds of most men and one day sooner or later the friendship will change.
There was a girl that I did not care to be her friend, all of us went out and I talked to her only to be polite and show her respect. I did not want to get closer to her and I knew she wanted me more than just a friend. One day she had to sleep in my apartment and in my bed. Guess what happened?? We had sex. She planned the whole thing and I felt really stupid.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Sure, but I think you are thinking to much like a woman.
Most men would fuck anything if they could, it has nothing to do with being friends or not. Most men are capable of sex without any emotional connection. It is what we are. Some women claim not to want the same. I can't comment on that.
So yes, we can just be friends. But unless she is the creature from the black lagoon or we are committed to another, we won't say no. Why would we? Sex is sex.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 November 2010):
 And Sageoldguy with some sage like advice.
I've actually got a rule about this. Men can be just friends with women. Men will not actively pursue friendship with women who they don't want more from on some level. I'll explain.
I feel that sometimes men and women are brought together through outside forces (work, mutual friends) and a true platonic friendship can ensue. That friendship will be just that. He'll probably not actively seek out this friend for any alone time together or for activities outside the circle where they met or the group.
I also feel that men will only pursue platonic friendship actively with women they are attracted to. That means he'll be trying to hang out with her and get her alone with him as much as possible. Again, only friendly activity will happen, but he likely harbors feelings for her that he either is actively suppressing for some reason or doesn't realize he has. But with one of these female friends if he was given the opportunity to take it further, he probably wouldn't say no.
So yes, men and women can be just friends. If you look at how he treats the friendship, you can often get to his underlying intentions, even if he doesn't realize them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Sorry...but if I'm hanging out with a woman on a regular basis, I don't want to be "friends", I want to bone her. I didn't always admit that to myself until recently. The sexual tension continually gets in the way and disrupts the "friendship". And yes, my experience has been that if I'm hanging with a woman, I am attracted to her (that's why we start hanging out in the first place!). So, while I know there are a lot of people out there who disagree, I think that it's a tough thing to pull off this "platonic" male-female "friendship" thing. I don't wanna be any chick's "girlfriend". Sorry ladies.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 November 2010):
Yes, it can. I have a few female friends, and I don't fancy them at all. They're friends, and that's it.
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