A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend had a best friend that is a girl he has been friends with since high school. Although they never dated he told me that he was once in love with her and she is really important to him. She is from his hometown and I have never met her but she was always flirting with him on the phone and asked him to her sororities formal. He's in the military and when he got back from deployment she got mad at him that he called me first. It caused a fight between them and he got really upset and tried to fix things between them ignoring me. He listened to some of her voice mails on speaker in front of me where she told him to break up with me, that I was the reason they were fighting. She said "I used to be really important to you. I thought you were different, but your just like every other guy, you meet a girl she becomes your whole world." She has her own boyfriend of 2 years, but still wants him hanging around in the background. She tried to control him saying " John, You will call me, you will apologize, and we will work this out." A few months later I went out of the country and he called her and then lied about it. he says they have alot of the same friends and he was trying to make things neutral. They haven't spoken for a few months and he says he is done with her and it will never happen again, but it still bothers me. He apologized that he put her first and that if he could go back he would have done everything differently. I love him and I know that he loves me, but I am still really hurt. I don't trust him like I used to. How do I get over this, it is negatively affecting our relationship.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Let your boyfriend REGAIN the trust..your past has nothing to do with him. This is now, and with him. She's gone and out of the picture. Work on giving him the benefit of the doubt! There's no secret for overcoming trust issues except for to let it go and try to work on giving him trust. If you don't again it will break your relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question I want our relationship to work, but like you said it won't last long without trust. My jealously of how important she was to him is also hurting us and I need to find a way to let it go. But the trust issue goes beyond her. My dad walked out on my mom after 30 years of marriage for some girl he knew when he was younger, right before my boyfriend's friend started all this drama. it's not fair to my boyfriend but what is happening with my parents has a large part in my reaction to the way he acted with his bestfriend. I'm scared he'll hurt me again, and put another girl before me again.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 November 2010):
Agreed she needed to go, that was an unhealthy friendship they had. I wonder what he meant by that if he could go back he would do it differently.
Anyways, why don't you trust him? Because he was once in love with her and she's important to him or because he contacted lied about contacting her? She's out of the picture, so there should be no problem at all. Either let him regain the trust or opt out of this relationship. A relationship without trust will not survive much longer.
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