A
female
age
36-40,
*yn.85
writes:can someone help me?Not only have i lied about my age, i lied about my name.. i'm so ashamed of this... so can someone please help me!?Well i met my boyfriend 3 years ago when i was 17 turning 18, he asked me how old i was and i told him that i was 18 (since it was only 2 more months till it was my birthday). 2 months later it was b'day and i had a little get together with close friends and he was invited. He came in with a birthday cake that he had bought for me and a b'day card, I opened the cake box and the cake was written 'happy 19th birthday' instead of happy 18th.. my friends and i didnt say anything.. (i wish i did) so as you can see from that little misunderstanding i have now created a lie..Now for my name...He knows my first name and my middle name but as for my last name.... i've never told him the truth cause i was embarraseds of it. I told him my mums surname instead of my dads. As far as i can remember i have been called MANY names because of it.. a hoe, a slut, you name it! And i was really ashamed of it so when he asked what was my surname i told him my mums... I dont know what to do! i want to tell him the truth but im so scared! please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, babydoll0713  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 I was just reading over this and I was wondering how it went. please let me know!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): hi there all the best off luck to ya ill be honest with u the same happend to me i was 16 and said i was 18 coz its Coool! and i were going out with the guy for 4 years then when we counted the years we are 2gether and how old we were We just laughted at it He said thats no Big a deal coz he loves me And its kinda sexy knowing im a bit younger lol Anyways Hope to hear from ya soon! take care darling xx
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reader, lyn.85 +, writes (1 March 2007):
lyn.85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey...
im going telling him tonight. i think i just needes some support.. Thank so much for all your advice & support! i shall tell you how it goes! fringers cross!
thanks again!
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (1 March 2007):
 Hey it's only a year, I don't really think it would bother him as much as you think it would. Let him know you have something to tell him that's been bothering you for some time now. He'll think it's something really bad like cheating on him. Then just tell him... I'm not 21 I'm 20! My name isn't Smith it's Jones! He'll ask why and you tell him... simple! You're beating yourself up over nothing here. TELL HIM!!!!! I bet you'll be surprised, he'll cuddle you and say.... is that all?
Let me know how it goes okay?
Eve
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reader, Dr. John +, writes (1 March 2007):
 If he cares anything about you, you should be able to explain this to him and he should be able to accept it without a problem. It isn't that big a deal now but if you let it go on it could get to be a bigger problem later. Doc.
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female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (1 March 2007):
 I think you already know the answer to your question, I think you just need some back-up and support. I think you know you have to tell him, but you`re scared, understandably so. With this sort of situation, the longer it goes on, the harder it becomes. How you`ve kept this all to yourself for this long, heaven only knows! You must be really eating yourself up over this. In my opinion, you have to come clean, for your benefit AND his, (and your peace of mind). Wouldn`t it be nice to sleep soundly at night without the worry of this? Yes, after all this time, it is going to come as a very big shock to this guy; he has loved you & trusted you for 3 years. However, it`s unfair to leave it any longer; it shouldn`t have gone on this long anyway, but you know that! SO, how can you lessen the blow for this guy? Well, I`d pick a good time when you two can be together and talk without distractions. There is no easy way of telling someone that you`ve decieved them, but if you say why; embarrassed about your age/ashamed of your name etc, and explain that you did not mean to hurt him etc etc (only you can put your own words here) perhaps he will be able to understand, and forgive you, because he LOVES YOU. Alternatively; you could write him a long letter, explaining why you told these silly lies in the first place; (and lets face it you haven`t cheated on him or done anything horrid, just been silly, and let it go on for too long) and reassure him that the 3 years you have spent together mean the world to you etc, etc (you put your loving words, not my ramble!). After telling him how much you love him (which I know you do), you could ask for his forgiveness, and that he try to understand. Also; if you decide to write a letter for him to read in a private moment (which sometimes can be better for both parties than face to face), would your mother write a few lines too? She knows you better than anyone, and will understand you as only a mother can. She has seen how happy this man has made you, and how much you love him. A few lines coming from an older woman; not condoning what you`ve done, but trying to put things in perspective, may help. Please please please let us know how you get on, Kind Regards, Heather.
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reader, lyn.85 +, writes (1 March 2007):
lyn.85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni wish it was that easy with the age thing... but its not, the lie has been dragged out for 3 years now and the 2 yrs that has past after my 18th, i've been celebrating my 20th (instead of my 19th) and my 21st (instead of my 20th) and now that it is getting serious... i feeling worst and worst about it all. i'm falling apart because of these lies. i know that i can tell him but im scared of losing him,if i tell him the truth about my age and the truth about my surname then i know that i've lost him and his trust!
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reader, cd206 +, writes (1 March 2007):
 The age thing you can perhaps bluff. Don't say anything about it but then next time he gives you something with your age on it/discusses your 21st tell him that you're your real age and that he's got it wrong. You don't need to say you lied. If he asks just tell him you told him you were nearly 18 and didn't want to embarass him at your party by telling him he's got it wrong and somehow you've forgotten to since. As for the name thing I would sit down and tell him soon but don't tell him at the same time as the age thing or he might feel like he cant trust you. He'll find out about the name eventually when he comes across a letter addressed to you or you go on holiday together and he sees your passport. Just sit down and tell him that because you're getting serious now you need to tell him something and explain it just as you did above, that you feel self conscious about your real name so prefer to use your mother's but wanted to tell him so he was aware of it.
CD
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