A
male
age
41-50,
*arnes
writes:I have been suspecting that my girl has been cheating but i didnt have proof. Two days ago I finally caught her with some guy, who was her ex boyfriend, leaving her apartment but she didnt see me. No wonder, the night before she did not pick up my calls. She has been calling me all day as she wanted me to pick her up from school but i didnt answer her calls coz i am so hurt. I think it has been happening of late. I love her, we been together for 1 year so please, I need help what should i do and where should i start?
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male
reader, barnes +, writes (4 March 2007):
barnes is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would like to take this opportunity to thank those who responded to my question and their answers were so helpful they gave me courage and determination to dump her and move on with my6 life and through heeling process
thanx a million everybody
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): I would definately confront her. If and when this happens and she lies, then obviously like a previous responder said, "she does not respect you". It's not worth your time. A year sounds like a lot but, in the grand scheme of life, it's not. Chalk it up to experience. I've been in your situation before. I ended up in a physical confrontation with the male (an ex-best friend now) and it's not the way to go. Fighting the dude will not solve anything, and you should be just as mad at her as you would be with him. Keep the break-up short. Don't answer too many questions that she'll be sure to ask. If you let her manipulate you into thinking they're just friends then you'll be in for months more of agony. Plain and simple, your trust in her has probably taken a severe decline. Do you want to be sitting at work, everyday, wondering what she's doing? Wondering if she's skipping class to meet up with someone else? I'm guessing you're thinking "NO" right now. Even though it may hurt, keep your composure, let her go. Be a man.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (1 March 2007):
 Next time you meet with her face to face ASK her what she did the night before, see what excuse she gives. Now you know what she did right? If she lies to you she's not worth your time and effort. If she's lied to you about this, what else has she lied to you about? She's playing you for a fool here. She has no respect for you whatsoever and her and her ex are laughing at you behind your back. Is THAT a loving girlfriend?
Don't wait till she dumps you and add to the pain.... have some self respect and let her KNOW you know!!! Don't take any excuse and dump her! She's not worth it and you could never trust her again. At least this way you have your pride and self respect in tact.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2007): Gosh, I am so sorry for your pain, dear because it's plain to see you still love her deeply. No problem is ever solved by ignoring it and if you don't ask her, what is going on..this pain will eat you up inside. The only way forward for you is to tell her what you know and what you saw. There is no special way of telling her. I realize you love and care for her but the awful truth is, she does not feel about your relationship the way you do. If she did -she could never be doing this to you. There could be some people that could tell you, 'forgive..get past this because you love her'. I say, don't do that. Before you decide that, remember when you decide to to put her infidelities behind you, you could forever sentence yourself to a future of always wondering. (when will she do it again?) Every time you go to call her and she's not home, you will wonder. Where will your thoughts go? This will be the future of your relationship with her. The trust has been shattered. Why on earth would you put yourself through that? There will be people who will say, honest and openly talking will solve everything. I say..no. If she's cheated on you, she lied..can you really, really expect honesty from her? The entire time you've been involved with her romantically you've likely played it straight with her. Perhaps, you've given her all she wanted. I am thinking here that-you haven't lied to her nor cheated. So why, does she not do the same for you? Hun , she's not a keeper. Let her know you know what she did. Don't do it angrily. Do it calmly and maturely. Tell her what you know and then leave. And make courageous efforts to heal and recover, dear. Eventually you can reclaim your integrity, learn more wisdom about life and loving, and you will find someone who can appreciate what you have to offer. Life is too short to settle for this kind of woman. Take care and good luck, dear.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (1 March 2007):
 You can't carry on a relationship with someone that is cheating on you so yes confront her. But give her the chance to explain herself before deciding to give her the axe. Maybe, just maybe there is a valid explanation for what you saw. Hope it works out well for you. Doc.
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