A
male
age
36-40,
*zza
writes:Lately I have made many mistakes, one after the other. While some might seem small, this one I can understand my mistake and why she is angry.Someone I once knew walked past me while playing pool in a large group. I would'nt call them a friend, but anyway I was playing and he saw me. I would say I'm not the most open guy in a group situation so I was overcome with surprise and awkwardness. I still rushed my pool shots to not to be rude to the people I was playing. I didn't handle the situation very well, I didn't introduce my girlfriend because it all happened so fast, and my mind didn't think about it. This is also not the first time, I'm just socially awkward.I know all I have are excuses, but I do love her and maybe the way I often show it means nothing to her. For a long time she would not hold my hand outside and I can understand that.I don't know how to make amends, because I've always bought flowers before. I don't know what to do anymore.
View related questions:
flowers Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): Nothing makes us more awkward then being self-conscious. We are our own harshest critics. We all have some level of social-skills. Maybe you may lack the simple social graces.
First, it helps if you try not to make excuses. That's trying to dismiss something you know you did wrong. The more you do it, the less sincere you come across when you apologize for things. One dumb thing after another; means you don't think.
Your girlfriend, and others, expect you to be an adult.She gets embarrassed; because she knows your friends are watching.
You're pushing thirty, and you have a girlfriend. So you have to be on top of it when you're out together. You can't coast along like a big kid. You have to make her feel special. Acknowledging her presence to others you know; is also a sign of your pride and respect for her. Remember you arrived as a couple. Not alone.
You should be conscious of your manners in social situations; because you're not just some ignorant brute who is just dragging his knuckles around. You have a lady in your presence; so you're showing other men how to treat her by setting an example, and setting the standard.
Yeah, as guys, we sometimes miss the boat. You forget certain little courtesies. Your manners get a little rusty.
Being around the fellas, no big deal. Out for the evening with your date, show her a little class.
You can make it up to her by taking her out on a great evening; and telling her that you're making up for some of the clumsy stuff. She loves you for your natural charm and earthly ways. That's why she's your girlfriend.
Just make an effort to keep it together; and stay more aware of the way you maneuver your way around in a group of people, when you're out on a date. Show more confidence, and don't let worrying about making a slip-up get you
all-thumbs. Nobody is suggesting you walk on eggshells.
If you're tied in a knot worried about making a goof, you're more likely to make one. Don't be hard on yourself. Loosen up, but maintain some mental clarity. You just can't let yourself forget you brought your girl along.
Relax! That's how you gain more confidence. Trust yourself
to be just as cool as anyone else in the room. Try not to over-indulge on alcohol. If you get foggy or sloppy after a few drinks, that will only add to your problems.
When she mentions something you've done wrong too many times over; keep it in mind to consciously stop doing it. If you keep doing it, that doesn't mean you're awkward.
It means you don't care.
Fumbling your way around brainlessly comes across as not being too bright. She'll tire of that. So will your friends.
Be focused. Don't walk around on autopilot. Engage the brain. Your problem is, you don't sweat the small stuff. It's the small stuff you're messing up on. Fix it.
You're a grown man, and unless you were raised by wolves in the wilderness; you know how to behave around other people. Just don't drop your guard. Hold up your end, and practice being one of the smart guys in the group. That's all she wants.
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (22 January 2014):
 I think you need to tell her that you find socializing with big groups hard and tell her you do not mean to be rude you just don't know what to say or how to introduce her. I think if she understands and is a loving girlfriend she will understand and forgive you for this mis-hap. I think maybe you should try before you go out to plan on how you will introduce your girlfriend to your friends and just try and boost your confidence and just act normal. I think if you worry to much about being socially awkward or try and act like someone who you are not it makes things worse. Just try your best to focus on a having a nice time and don't worry about those around you and maybe even ask your girlfriend to help you out when you have these moments of social awkwardness. I think simply explaining your problem to your girlfriend and apologizing will make her understand and not be upset with you in the future. I wish you luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (22 January 2014):
 Has your gf actually verbalized to you that she's mad or upset over you not introducing her? Or are you just assuming she's upset?
If she hasn't actually said she's upset, it's quite possible that you are beating yourself up and stressing over nothing. If this were me, I would never be offended by something like that. Especially if I knew my partner experienced social anxiety. It sounds very possible this is just your social anxiety rearing it's head and you're over analyzing a situation that need not he over analyzed. That's kind of a part of social anxiety - your brain going a million miles an hour and you over-think things to an extreme.
If she HAS actually said she was upset that you didn't introduce her, have you tried explaining to her that you have a bit of an issue with social situations (if she doesn't already know)?
To be honest, this would be a situation I would have never even put a second thought back into.
Good luck.
...............................
|
