A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend recently came back into my life. We were hanging out and talking almost everyday again for about a month. Then suddenly the calls and texts just stopped. I haven't heard form him at all, and I have not called him. I just let it be. We were having fun again, or at least I thought. Guys why do you do the "disappearing" act? What should I do? I love him
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): I'm so sorry, I'm remiss in offering advice on what to do.
Cut off all future contact entirely. Delete him from social media, and start the detachment process all over again.
This is where you cut it off cold-turkey; and get through the withdrawal. He's a bad habit, an addiction.
You got played.
Learn to defend yourself against it. He doesn't want you back, he just enjoys seeing you suffer. Your love is meaningless to him. Stop wasting it.
Put your favorite mug on the table, and say you love it.
It's sitting there empty, and cold. It didn't say it loved you back.
Imagine that's your ex-boyfriend.
You'll get through this. I know you will.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): Some ex-bf's comeback to make sure you haven't moved on.
They get sex to get your emotions stirred up, and show you how wonderful they've become.
Mostly to reignite your grieving process. This often happens with narcissists. They see you faring well, getting on without them; and they reappear to drain you for narcissistic supply, and deflate you like a balloon.
This is why I warn so many people to avoid making "friends" with exes, and stalking exes for "closure."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): Why did he pop back in your life. His dating life was slow and needed a quick and easy punch up for it. Hate to be the bearer of bad news. But most ex BF's will push the boundary as far as you will let them. If he continues to use you it's because you let him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): We do the disappearing act when we're done with you. Either we got the sex we wanted or you gave us no sex.
If I was your ex, knowing how easy you are for him, I'd drift in and out of your life any time I feel like it too.
Just wait until he's horny or lonely again and he'll come back for another little while. Or you could move on and close that door to him.
I go with the waiting and pining for him option though, it would be terribly inconsiderate for you to close your legs/heart for the next time he's feeling horny/lonely. It's nice to have an easy option for that kind of stuff, you know?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): Hi, maybe he is thinking you were not into him as much as he was hoping for, so he might just be waiting for you to contact him, guys like it when the women, contact them , then they know you really like them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2014):
 What should you do?
Realize that he is WASTING YOUR TIME. And so are you. If you think that is how people treat people they "LOVE".
He was USING you. You were convenient and probably put out in hopes of being back together.
Don't let people use you.
And ex is an EX for a reason, and that usually means no "take-backs".
Set yourself free and let him go, block him number and move on.
No matter how much you "love" a guy doesn't mean that they HAVE to love you back. And it doesn't mean they can walk all over you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): "Guys why do you do the 'disappearing' act?"
Usually because a chick won't put out for us and/or we find another chick who's an easier/better lay and/or we were able to weasel our way back into the affections and bed of a more recent ex.
"What should I do? I love him"
Realize he's a scumbag who is toying with your affections when it's convenient for him, raise your standards, and move on.
He probably popped back into your life because he knows you still profess to "love" him and so you're a reliable fallback Plan B when he can't get laid elsewhere, and he disappeared as soon as a better opportunity elsewhere presented itself.
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