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Females only, please: I'm in love with my sister!

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 September 2009) 14 Answers - (Newest, 5 November 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *ohanna21 writes:

Probably I'm gonna get flamed here but I'm just curious if there are people out there like me and my sister.

Everything started out as kid play. We both loved our Barbies and dressed up as princesses. We made up these stories about being saved from dragons and evil witches. We were pretty imaginative even though we were quite young. Anyways, when we were kids, my sis and I liked to give kisses to each other, sometimes on the cheek, sometimes on the lips. It was all pretty innocent, my sis and I would kiss and we would giggle and laugh about it. Sometimes I pushed her away because I didn't want to get kissed by her, but sometimes it was me who sought her out. When she was about 15 and I was 14, I started having these feelings for my sister, like she was my best friend, my role model, how much I really looked up to her. If I was down she'd cheer me up, if I was cheerful we'd started singing some stupid song or we danced together like the goofballs we were. At this point I thought I was quite "normal". I had crushes on guys but somehow my feelings for them were not as deep as the ones I had for my sis. Then I remember one time my sis and I were just goofing around on her bed, like really giggling like crazy, when I noticed her boobs. At that time I didn't find it weird or anything I was checking her out, but that night I got really weirded out when I started fantasizing about her boobs and her body while I was getting off in my bed (I masturbate quite often) instead of a hot guy like Brad Pitt or a guy I knew from school I found totatlly hot.

Anyways, to make a long story short, my fantasies about my old sis got stronger and stronger and that they really began to bother me to the point of starting crying myself to sleep in frustration and I guess guilt. A couple of years later, when she became a senior and started dating that totally hot guy I had a crush on I became so sad and angry at her at the same time. Somehow she sensed something was wrong with me and I told her I had a big crush on her boyfriend. We had the longest talk and she was so cool about it, really the best sis ever. I was so overwhelmed with love for her, for being so understanding and nice to me that we hugged for a long time and then out of nowhere I kissed her cheek and then her mouth and full on her lips. Needless to say my sister was really shocked and pushed me away. She threatened to tell our parents about it, but my sis then calmed down and we didn't talk to each other for a while. Then one day, she comes to my room and says that she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I asked why. She told me because of me. I was shocked and I asked her to explain. But she didn't. She just clammed up and left. A few days later, really out of nowhere again she asked me if i still thought about my kissing her. I said yes. ANd then the weirdest thing happened between us. We stared at each others eyes the longest time ever and then she came over and we kissed and made out. I got so hyped up that I began to cry but as always she was the best sis ever and tried to calm me down.

Since that day I've been in love with her and I'm sure she feels the same way about me. We have a relationship going and we don't date other people, so I guess we are in a kind of monogamous thing. I know most people will find this disgusting, but what I wanted to really ask if someone else (please females only) has fallen this hard for their sister. I'd really hate it if we were the only ones feeling this way.

View related questions: best friend, boobs, crush, kissing

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A male reader, iBlackEmo Canada +, writes (5 November 2009):

Umm...Hi there....I know i'm not a female or anything and that i'm only a 14 year old boy..Maybe not the brightest of the bunch either...But i'm Bi..and these so i feel how it kinda must of felt having these people bash on you and stuff. and i just want to say...in my eyes you loving you;re sister is totaly normal..Like you said she cheered you up and always played with you, it's so rare that a Sibling does that. i know if my brother was nice liek that and helped me out..maybe i would have feelings for him..but he's a jerk..so i don't. but i think i can safely say that..i kinda feel what you wen't through..in away...And that i hope everything works out.

I'm sorry that i replied even though i'm a boy..i just wanted you to know..you have my support and i'm pretty sure there are many others that would support you to. So please take care i hope all goes well. and once again i'm sorry 3

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A female reader, OmShantih United Kingdom +, writes (10 October 2009):

OmShantih agony auntI can't relate to your situation at all.

But found your post fascinating! I work with alot of sexually abused girls, and they sometimes posses displaced feelings towards inappropriate people (inapropriate in a socially acceptable sense) So your story intrigues me.

The pattern I see in your wording, Is that you thrive off sexual fantasy and 'the forbidden' as you put it, It this the cause of your feelings?? the fact that it is such a social 'taboo' within western civilisation that this excites you?

I totally admire your balls to put this on a worldwide forum, and ignore all the godbotherers!! I am sure your not the only ones out there!

Good Luck and keep us posted!

Love and Light

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009):

I have distant aunts on my mom's side (two sisters) who never dated, never married, etc. Everyone always assumed it was because they must have been unattractive (you know how all old people are unattractive to younger generations) but the family always said they were lucky to have each other. Hearing your story, I would imagine they might have found themselves in a similar situation.

I have a sister. When we were in elementary school, we heard what french kissing was and wondered what it was like to touch someone's tongue with your tongue. We stuck our tongues out and tried it. Felt weired - we laughed! Never happened again and I didn't develop any feelings for her. (Other than being envious that my sister was built slightly leaner than me and she was envious how easily I could date the cutest guys that she liked! You know, sister stuff! LOL!)

I would do some research:

1. Are you CERTAIN - like BLOOD TEST CERTAIN - that you are 100% biological sisters? Typically siblings produce hormones/scents that are off-putting to family members. (ie: I think my brother is the ugliest thing ever but he always dated.) That could explain some of the attraction.

2. Are you attracted to other women or JUST your sister? This could hint at a deep-seated psychological tie to her that is being confused with love. I would suggest a lesbian therapist for this - you'll probably find her to be the most understanding.

Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just ARE. This seems like it will be a particularly difficult life-long challenge for you both. I wish you luck and think nothing ill of you! This was fascinating to read - thank you for your honesty!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009):

hey, as long as you're both happy, it's ok!!! :)

But it sounded like you're not... (don't take it offensively!!)

the thing is, you may both be lesbians but are too scared of trying to find someone out there, and you find you have this great relationship with your sister and you find yourself attracted to her because you are too scared of what other girls may think.

You need to get out. Probably spend some time apart and go out soul-searching... travel a bit to meet new people. You may find that your feelings for each other my dissolve or discover that you werent really in love if you find someone else.

But if you are happy as you are now, don't listen to anyone but yourself :) x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009):

err ok but inscest is still wrong whether you ask the religious or non-religious. Also all rules stated in the new testament are still followed so I'm not sure what your talking about coz the old testament doesn't really count.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009):

I think your story is very disturbing and I feel sorry for your whole family. This is not going to end in a good way, I am afraid. It isn't healthy, besides being immoral, it is not psychologically healthy to have a sexual relationship with a sibling of either sex.

Let me ask you, since you think it is so cool to be a noncomformist, do you think incestuous relations will be OK with your own children or hers? I hope not.

So why don't you understand the incest taboo.

I think you need some psychological help, perhaps you have conduct disorder as a child and are a sociopath now as an adult where you lack a conscious.

You came on here to this website looking for validation for a sexual relationship with your sister, by tricking us into thinking you were on the fence. Manipulation is your strong suit, and I would imagine you do that with your sister, too.

I don't care if my response is nonsupportive or insults you, I find you very scarey.

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A female reader, Johanna21 United States +, writes (16 September 2009):

Johanna21 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Johanna21 agony auntWow, I didn't expect so many replies. I really appreciate your answers and some of them are really supportive. I dared talk about my situation in a thread on this subject (which was initiated by someone else) on another site and most replies were pretty negative. So I am pleasantly surprised by your reactions. Thank you.

@xearo - I was confused about my feelings for my sis like she was confused about her feelings for me. BTW, I am no longer a teenager, I'm 21 at the moment and we've been together like this since I was 16, my sis 17. It's true we have had our doubts about this stuff. I mean, we knew we couldn't tell to anyone about this when we started. My sis and I have had our ups and downs, just like any other relationship. We "broke up" a couple of times because of the pressure to conform, to date guys, and be a "normal" girl. But the thing is I don't want to be a "normal" girl. I always loved the forbidden, and when someone tells me I cannot do something you bet that's what i'm going to do. So I guess I've always been a rebel. I think I'm telling you this so you can understand my background.

@eyeswideopen - Thank you for your non-judgmental reaction and your story about your great aunts. I really appreciate it.

@PAN - You're really poetic in a weird way. But I like weird. :D Thank you for your support and your analysis of my situation.

@RobL - Lots of questions. Anyway I like people who don't conform. So you scored some points. :) Yes, I'm sure about what I'm feeling. I've done a lot of soul searching when I was a teenager. I tried to date guys but I just couldn't. It felt so wrong. I thought I was cheating on my sis even though it was her who pushed me into dating other people at the beginning of our relationship. Then one day I told her flat out I didn't want to date other people. I struggled with the feeling that I might be gay, but the thing is I never hooked up with another girl except my sis. This doesn't mean I can't appreciate other girls. (I can and I do). It's just I'm not interested in pursuing that. The same holds true for guys. (I guess I'm bi.) And yes, since you asked, our relationship has progressed into something more than kissing, but I won't talk about the specifics of it. I know my sis would really feel uncomfortable if I talked about our intimacy in a public forum.

@Lola1 - Well, I'm not trying to find acceptance here. I have accepted my situation a while ago. I'm just looking for other females in my situation. Sometimes to be in a relationship like mine can be quite lonely, even though we told a couple of friends about us and their reactions were quite supportive and some of them outright curious about it, which I found weird at the time. I thought they'd be shocked but they weren't. A friend of mine told me she had her suspicions about me and my sis but she nixed the whole idea because we were sisters.

@lloida - Well, the bible says a lot of stuff we don't do anymore. Just read Leviticus and you'll see a lot of ridiculous rules nobody follows anymore. Also in the bible there are at least one case of incest. Anyways, I always thought that organized religion is a way for the powers-that-be to control our minds and wills. If the word comes from God, supposedly, then you must obey it without questioning it. Think about it and rebel! :D

@rhythmandblues2 - No relationship is easy and her being my sis sometimes makes things really hard. I mean, she's my sis, she'll never go away even if we are no longer together that way. It's true that she can find a guy and go and marry him. If that ever happens she'll have my blessing. She'll break my heart but I'm not selfish. That almost happened one time, but she broke up with him and she came back to me. And like I told you, I think I'm bi, but I'm not sure. Sometimes I think I'm totally gay, but then there a few guys who I find attractive, but I know I would never ever betray my sis with any of them. It is just not worth it.

@taina - Well, our childhood was pretty normal. We were both girly girls. We loved pink, makeup, play dress up. Our parents are both college professors, so we have traveled a lot. I've been in different countries around the world, especially in Europe. Before that boob thing I told you about, my sis was just my sis, my playmate, my BFF. Of course, I noticed how her body began to change, but it was at that moment when I figured, yes, she has nice boobs. And like I said I didn't dwell too long on that thought, because we were giggling and joking around so hard. That changed when I was alone in my bed and started thinking about her body while I was masturbating. Even though I tried to fight my growing physical attraction to her (from that day on), she's so absolutely gorgeous that I gave in. BTW, my sis is quite popular. I see men’s heads turning when she walks by and I'm so proud she's my sister. The funny thing is I see that she attracts other women’s stares as well, but women are far more discreet, but it’s funny to see that too.

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A female reader, taina1980 United States +, writes (16 September 2009):

I dont want to call this weird but Im curious to understand your situation. Im sur that as children most of us have played the hide and go get it game. Or played house and got a little curious., but as we get older society morals and I dont know what else tells us that these games are wrong especially with family members. What was your childhood like? I really want to understand how you came to look at your sister in a sexual way.Do you guys talk about it? Are you guys in love? What are your plans for the future?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009):

I don't think this is normal at all. I do think that young people get confused about love and sex when they are developing sometimes. Your hormones are all over the place and you mistake strong feelings of affection for the same sex as love, it isn't, it is just that you really feel close to your sister and appreciate her being there for you.

That said, you need to stop this. Incest is not healthy for either one of you, it is going to keep you from realizing the things you really want in life. Like your very own romantic relationship.

I don't think you are a lesbian either as you mention fantasizing and being attracted to men. I think you and your sister are just feeling the urge to experiment and unless you want to damage your family relationships, you need to stop right now and get your head on straight.

If you need to seek counseling then do so as I think you are headed towards some dangerous over dependence on your sister....you are going to end up hurt when she has her next boyfriend. She probably broke up with the other guy simply because she knows how you felt about him and she doesn't want another guy to come between the two of you.

I think you can talk to your sister and tell her that you are fine on your own, you love her, but she doesn't need to feel she can't be with someone else because of you. She doesn't want to abandon you, that right there is not healthy for either one of you.....you need to let each other go and create some space in your relationship.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009):

Hi I really can't pretend to understand your situation but I have kind of heard of this before...

Well, it used to be quite common everywhere in the world throughout history but especially in Japan, to experiment with brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, anyone really who was close to you around the time you first started puberty. The practice has almost completely died out.

You may find that your sexually desire is just that which is in all young people and also their desire to experiment, especially with the same sex as themselves.

Obviously this combined with the strong love and affection you feel for your sister is making you feel as if you are in love love with her, rather than just sisterly love. However, if you just try and separate your love of her and desire for her you will find it easier to keep up your non sexual relationship with her while redirecting your sexual desires to boys that are not members of your family.

Also according to the bible and the law (sorry to have to mention this!) but insest is wrong.

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A female reader, Lola1 Canada +, writes (15 September 2009):

Lola1 agony auntYes... I love my two sisters dearly, but I have no interest in them in a romantic or sexual sense. (shudders).

I think you may find it more helpful to find out why you both feel this way and spend less time accepting it or trying to find people who commiserate.

Good luck.

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A male reader, RobL United Kingdom +, writes (15 September 2009):

RobL agony auntFirst thing's first: I'm a male, and as the author requested male only posts, feel free to ignore or just not add this.

I'm sorry to have ignored your request, however there a couple of things I would like to mention, whether you choose to read them or not is entirely up to you, I'm just trying to help after all :)

Okay so, are you sure this is love you're feeling? Perhaps you're just curious about the same sex, it happens to everyone, and it just so happens that your sister got you curious about it, because, after all, you two sound like you're really close, so it makes sense in my head that you would become curious about your sexuality following this series of playful antics with your sister.

The same applies to her. Maybe her initial shock of you kissing her needed time to sink in; she originally pushed you away because she wasn't sure what was going on, but as time passed, she got her head around it, and if she liked it, or wanted to try it again, this would also explain why she came back to you after she broke up with her boyfriend.

What has happened since that day? Have you kissed and made out more? Have you progressed any further? And more importantly, how long has this been going on?

Rest assured that if all the experimenting has passed and it is actually love, it's not the strangest thing I've ever seen, far from it. Love strikes in the strangest places, and if that happens to be a sibling for you, well, it's hardly your fault is it?

I'll refrain from saying too much, since I'm not female. Please don't take offense from my questions, and don't feel obliged to answer them, I'm just hoping to get a bit more information on the matter in an attempt to help you see if you can understand better what might actually be going on in your minds.

Take care :)

~Rob

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (15 September 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntI can't relate to your situation but I do have two older sisters I'm very fond of but it's just fond. I also had two great aunts who lived their entire lives together so maybe there was more to the story than just two old spinsters but I doubt it. That's all I got, sorry.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009):

In all my time of reading on this site, I doubt I've heard of situations like this. The topic itself is popular in the fantasy / taboo world but I'd imagine as the years go by, things like these will become more common. I would have liked to have said that maybe the feelings you both have for each other were really close but wasn't to be confused with that of sexual since its easy to get confused when you are a teenager. But what else can I say, good luck. I admire that you are coming out to tell everyone this kind of story, but don't let it bother you if no one does come out to say a similar story. Like you said, you have your sister and that is all which should matter. She is strong and has taken a step to be closer to you. You should be equal to her and show her strength as well. Good luck

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