A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont know what to do about this girl....I started to date my current boyfriend about 6 weeks ago.When we first got together, there was a bit of a problem with a friend of his .She had a huge crush on him, though she knew it would never be more that just friends and when she found out we were dating she went mad at me, she was on the phone crying saying how horrible I was for taking him from her and that we would still carry on regardless of how anyone felt about it , it was like I had just taken him from his girlfriend.I put up with loads of childish behavior and whining from her, we even made sure we stayed away from each other as much as poss during a group night out - I spent more time talking to my ex than I did my boyfriend.. and as soon as we started to talk at the end of the night ,she left whining again.now as you can see, she has irritated me quite a bit by this behavior, but what I have noticed is that almost every morning there is a missed call or text from her, and him ringing her almost every morning, but also we were at a party the other night and him and a friend of mine left to go pick up some birthday presents, it felt to me as though they had been gone for ages, I looked at his phone when he got back and found he had only been gone for an hour or so, but then also realized she had rung him in the time he was gone..but I dont understand why - is it to see where he was- how long he was gonna be -what ? But surely it should be his girlfriend ringing him , not her ,right ? Or am I slightly over reacting over it? But also I was looking on facebook and saw a questionnaire, one friend answered most with her boyfriends name, this girl how ever answered with my boyfriends name .... is it just me over reacting or is she really as creepy as I think? Im not jealous or anything, she just makes me cringe when I think about it and wonder if she really is an indiscreet stalker?! I dont know what to do about her.......or is it just me ?
View related questions:
crush, facebook, jealous, my ex, stalking, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): Well if you trust him then there's not much we can help you with. A big part of a relationship is trust so if you remember the reasons why you trust him and love him then you shouldn't worry about some woman stalking him. He's a big man, he can handle his friend himself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni do trust him, i wasnt monitoring his cell, it was that i was seeing how long he had been gone for,as we were at a party, him and a friend had gone to pick up some firepoi from another friend and it had felt like hours that they had been gone for, so i looked at the time on my phone and asked if i could look at what time they had rung the taxi to see how long it had been.i wasnt checking up on him i was honestly curious of the amount of time.but then i saw the call from her since him ringing the taxi and before the return taxi. as for the daily messages and calls from her, its what he has told me-or i have seen, like oh iv got a missed call from ****, or ***** has text asking what we're doing tonight....i did tell him she was freaking me out and that it felt like she was stalking him...3. i know there has been a kiss between them , and he does reassure me that nothing would ever happen with them again , and to be honest and a little mean, she isnt a pretty sight to look at, so i dont see her as any kind of threat.4.all it is between them is a friend ship, that she wanted to take further in her head but he had told her he didnt want this, and when me and him got together she acted as thought id taken her long term boyfriend from her.5.he has stopped spending as much time with her, but also told her that i said she was freaking me out . we did know each other for 6 months before we started dating.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): I can't help but notice that you are calling this guy your boyfriend after only 6 weeks of dating. That is an awfully short period of time and perhaps you have jumped in too soon to dating only him not knowing him or what is going on in his life. This guy clearly has not cleaned up his romantic life before getting involved with you, I don't think this is a real good sign that he is in a relationship with you. It is really easy for guys to tell you what you want to hear, just to get in your pants.
I think you need a little reality check is all, and I am sorry that is probably not what you wanted to hear, you wanted to be told this girl is the problem,, you need to examine the other person in this triangle.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): I think your boyfriend is being less than honest with you.
I think he has and is jerking this girl around.
They probably have a sexual relationship and she wanted more from him and he won't give it to her. He is still seeing her though I can tell by the pattern of his calls to her, he just thinks you are too dumb to figure it out.
How do you know when he asked you to stay seperate from him on a group outing, that he did not want her to think he was with you.
He may be feeding her a line about how serious he isn't about you and still fancies her.
I think this has all the makings of a little triangel game that your boyfriend is playing. He likes the fact that two girls are fighting over him, he is a player.
I think she has self esteem issues or abandonment issues, otherwise she wouldn't put up with this nonsense, and she is hurt and is causing problems for you in an atempt to break you two up. But I do not think this is stalking behavior, it is relationship repair behavior. She is trying to repair her relationship with him, she wants him back all to herself.
So instead of being so concerned about her, be concerned about you, and whether or not you like putting up with this. Because if he wanted her out of his life, she would be, he would change his phone number and not call her back.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is a difficult question, and I don't know anything as a fact--just my gut feeling.
1. You don't trust your boyfriend or you wouldn't be monitoring his cell. Without trust and fidelity, you have nothing in a relationship.
2. It sounds like you have remained silent regarding talking to him. I think that is good. Why start an argument if there is nothing established as a fact?
3. Maybe there has been something between them and maybe not. Whatever, it is "eating" at you.
4. Stalking--probably not. Begging him--probably. If he does have some sort of relationship with her, it sounds like he is using her since his choice is to be with you.
5. I would ignore this gal.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): I have no idea what she feels for this guy but she is clearly obsessed with him. While I do understand why you dislike her ( I would too in your situation ) but the fact that your boyfriend encourages her is even more perplexing. Maybe he loves that attention or the feeling that he is helping someone by being there. But realistically, he being at her every beck and call will not help her in any way.
She's not a stalker considering that your boyfriend is also calling her and enabling her. And every time he does it, it gives her more "right" to have him. Your boyfriend is the one who should cut her off since he is the one communicating with her. Anything you do to try to cut her out, you will just get blamed for. You should take to your boyfriend about this whole situation. His behavior is not "helping" her at all and she is too much a part of his life, to the point where it looks like he has a separate life. While he may say she is just a friend, in her mind it is clearly not so. But as I said I do not know her story and how she has come to be like this, to rely on a guy so much knowing very well that he has a gf.
If I were you I would talk to him about this calmly and tell him you would like to this situation stopped. Asking him about her or at the very least try to sound interested. Explain to him how this is making you feel as well. Try not to raise any arguments. But ultimately if he is not willing to part from her, then maybe he is better off with a crazy girl like that.
Good luck to all 3 of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 It's not you; it's her. She's a weirdo.
I wouldn't consider her a stalker, though. She's one of those losers who would prefer to be gum on the bottom of a man's shoe, than finding one that actually cares for them.
Your boyrfiend is the only one who should be dealing with her. Have a talk with him. Let him know that while ordinarily you would not have an issue with her calling him and texting him, etc., in this case you are concerned as you have to adjust your behaviour at parties in order to avoid her whining, or other poor behaviour.
You have also endured her temper tantrums and you are concerned that his accepting calls, texts and general acceptance of her behaviour has allowed this mess to get where it is.
Use even tones - do not be accusatory - be matter of fact. Tell him you would like him to deal with it and ask him how he intends to do so.
Good luck.
...............................
|
