A
male
age
36-40,
*icho
writes:I cant stop this terrible feeling of guilt after cheating on my girlfriend recently. I want to tell her but im scared if i do i will lose her. She means the world to me and im gutted ive now ruined everything after a stupid one night stand. Ive lied to her and im so ashamed. Im not proud of what done and i just want to make things go back to the way they were.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): If you know 100% that you will not do it again...... then tell her, be as honest about your FEELINGS as you can be, and take full responsibility.... I am in a similar situation.... just cheated on, after 7 years.... but he found out I cheated 6 years ago.... he's hurt cuz I hid it, and I'm hurt cuz we have gone thru so much...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Sexually transmitted diseases exist. They don't all show up in screenings, certainly not within the first several months. No form of contraception is anywhere near 100% effective when it comes to diseases. Just something to think about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): You should tell her. It might not work out to the best fo your liking but you should tell her. Because imagine if you didn't tell her and then sometime later she finds out from someone other than you. She'd be angrier at you than if you had just told her in the first place, she'd be furious.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (14 June 2011):
Clearing your conscience by destroying your relationship and hurting the woman you love is a stupid thing to do. Don't say a word. And don't do it again.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (13 June 2011):
 if you tell her she will probably finish with you, or if she keeps you things will NOT be pleasant for either of you. you will not be trusted, you will probably he questioned every time you go out without her, she may even decide to 'return the favour' by cheating on you! so no, my advice is don't tell her. learn from this mistake, remember how shit you feel and promise yourself that you will never do it again. if alcohol is to blame, address this. keep a check on what you are drinking when you go out in future. if you tell her she will be hurt when maybe she does not need to be. this will stay with her not only for the duration of your relationship but possibly will taint her future relationships too and will definitely lower her self confidence
x
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 I think its better to tell her as soon as possible. You know the guilt is already eating you up inside. If you tell her now, you might have a chance to save the relationship because even though you've made a mistake, telling her and being honest about it, and apologizing will show her that you are truly sorry for what happened.
If you don't tell her.. this guilt is going to eat you alive and she's probably going to find out further down the track, whether by you telling her or she finding out through other people. When she does find out, she would be a fool to take you back. Because not only did you cheat on her, but you hid the truth (for however long it would be).
Hiding this from her shows what little respect you have left for her.. really there's no point continuing if you're not going to tell.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): hi. Sorry to hear about that. Ok, telling your gf to relieve yourself of guilt is a BAD decision. Look, you messed up, you feel bad and this is abviously out of character. I would not tell her, just learn from it and dont do it again. if you tell her you will certainly ruin the realtionship and she will probably dump you. Honestly is sometimes the best policy but really, not always. You will feel relieved of guilt if you tell her but you will break her heart and really hurt her. So actually I think it is quite selfish to tell her. If it is someone she knows or she is likely to find out for some other reason then maybe tell her, otherwise I would leave it. The guilt WILL ease off over time, provided you dont do it again. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Nicho +, writes (13 June 2011):
Nicho is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we planned to meet on the weekend and due to other circumstances that could not happen. I went out with my mates got pretty drunk just made the mistake. However recently ive been talking to other guys about my relationship and there own relationships. They believe its okay to cheat and for some reason i think after listening to them for so long and coupled with alcohol ive just slipped up. I cant explain why i done it but now i feel really bad. I know she would never find out unless i told her but im adamant if i do tell her that will be it between us. I really dont want that to happen so its becoming quite obvious that i shouldnt tell her. However living with this guilt is terrible. It will never be as special again between us.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (13 June 2011):
I would first figure out why you cheated. Is there something wrong in your relationship or were you just feeling tempted and gave in to one night? Did you think about her while you were cheating or only after?
If you can honestly say you'd never do it again, then I would not tell her and work on improving your relationship and being super honest. From here on out - you need an open book relationship because believe me she probably already suspects. Us women have intuition and you men are horrible (in general) at hiding things that are bothering you.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (13 June 2011):
Honesty is the best policy. She deserves to know. Whether she leaves you or not is up to her, but her reasoning would be justified if she did. Cheating is never OK.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (13 June 2011):
I believe in honesty being the best policy and if you lose her as a result of it, that's the price you have to pay and a hard lesson you can learn.
But you have to ask yourself why did you cheat?
99 times out of 100 cheating stems from something not right in a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): I agree with fi_the_tree completely, if you tell her you will no longer carry the burden of guilt but it could shatter her trust in you forever, however! it might also show her that although you did a stupid thing, you regret it no end and cant live with the guilt so therefore she knows that you dont want to keep things from her. Its totally up to you, atleast you know how silly you have been and want to make amends but put yourself in her shoes, would you want to know?
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (13 June 2011):
 If you tell her the truth, you are likely to lose her, but can you stand to face the guilt and keep lying to her??
Put yourself in her shoes, would you want to know the truth or not? You never know, she may forgive you in the end if you did tell her (but only after alot of effort and commitment from you!!)
People say honesty is the best policy, but this is your call. All the best!
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