A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Girls, how often do you have a hook up? It's hard being single and not getting affection, I haven't been in a relationship for about 3 years now and within these 3 years ive hooked up about every 3-4 months, i feel really guilty afterward, feeling like i wasted energy on someone who i knew wasn't right for me. i only had sex twice but ive had hook ups (with oral) every 4 months or so. It's the pattern it seems. Is that normal? I mean some of the time i enjoy it, other times im just doing it because its there and im getting the opportunity. They arent even drunk hook ups, its just there you know? Second part of the Q, do you believe that if you have sex with someone you dont really like, then you won't find true love anytime shortly after because the universe has said you've 'wasted' your energy on someone else already so love will have to wait, as if God was trying to test my patience. Theres a guy i had sex with and it was amazing, but i dont like him the way i like this other guy, now i feel like, because i had sex, the guy i really like won't work out because the universe is like well you wasted energy. As if I already had my good loving for the year so it wont happen now. Do you believe in this or am i over thinking it? I feel like i was being tested and i failed because at the moment, i just needed sex. I am human after all but I am feeeling so guilty now about it, like if i just didnt do it, i'd probably be with the guy i like right now :( what do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): @male anon,
Everyone is obviously titled to their own opinion..I also said men, which happens to very vague. Didn't once say all men. Some men actually don't chime in when it comes to the double standard.
I have a problem with men who engage in sexual activity with women(not in a relationship) but also feel the hypocritical need to call women whores when they engage in the same action. If this is something you do not do male anon, then my post doesn't apply to you.
I still feel that it's OK, for women to get their sexual needs met as long as her partner is aware and use protection. Both parties agree, no one's feelings are getting hurt. Doesn't mean those women are sluts, or that their morals went out the door. It's just that they're not interested in relationships at the moment. For whatever reason that may be. Perhaps they're not where they want to be in life, or they just got out of a long relationship, they're going through a dry spell, and vibrators just aren't cutting it. Women do get horny too.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): Tennissstar88 said: "It's when women go around having loads of carelessly unprotected sex is how they earn a slutty reputation."
Maybe that's what you think.
I, and lots of other guys, think women earn a slutty reputation whenever they do promiscuous things. Like sleep with guys that they aren't involved with and don't see as BF candidates. I don't tell other people what to do with their lives but I also won't date them if their values are different from mine.
Please don't reply by calling me a hypocrite and complaining about the double standard. Being male does not make me a hypocrite. I am not personally responsible for the "double standard" or anything else beyond my own actions.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Women have needs too! It's such a double standard for men to call women whores when they have casual sex.
It's OK to have amazing casual sex with guys and not be attracted to them. You're getting your needs meet and so are they..no one is getting hurt in the process. Honestly, you're over analyzing it way too much. It's nothing but casual sex..there's no thought to it.
As long as you tell the guys upfront what you want and practicing safe sex then it's perfectly normal and healthy. It's when women go around having loads of carelessly unprotected sex is how they earn a slutty reputation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): I'm not a girl, but I can give you some feedback that might help you understand"but i dont like him the way i like this other guy"What you are doing is having sex, a very intimate process, with people that you don't feel intimate with."now i feel like, because i had sex, the guy i really like won't work out"It damages your ability to have and maintain intimacy with a "special" person."I am feeeling so guilty now about it"Which is because you are human, and know that you are doing something that you don't really like all that much. What happens, and by the way, I am assuming these "hook ups" are with different partners, is after 10 years of having 4 different partners a year, you have a pile of 40 partners (quite a bit even in today), and you don't have the ability to make it special any more with someone that you really like. The sex is "just sex", and it remains so in the "special" relationship.Then, just suppose, you meet the "super special guy" who is everything you ever wanted in a guy, and to him you are everything he ever desired, and he loves you like crazy. Then, you find out, gasp, he's only had 2 sexual partners before you...and you have had 50. How are you going to deal with that? Not just initially, but long term (lie to him and destroy intimacy by lying in the relationship, tell him the truth and risk him walking out or finding out that he can't handle it in the long run, or what).Can't happen, right?Happened to my wife...she had over a hundred times as many sexual partners as I'd had, and it really fucked her up when she found out I'd only been with two women before her.To her, sex was just "sex", nothing more important than a massage.To me, sex was something I only did with a special person, and you had to be super special.She really struggled with this, still does, I didn't. It actually didn't bother me. But for many years, and still today, she feels like "he deserved someone who had been "better"". The fact that I don't feel that way about her has helped, but hasn't taken away the feeling that eats at her.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 well i am not sure what i believe spiritually but if there is a god and he is good and just wants all his children to be happy, then i cannot see that he would say 'no, you've had your fair share for this year!' do what you want to do - be safe - don't go with men who are attached already - don't go with more than one guy in a group of friends - don't have sex on the first date or on a one night hook-up (unless you REALLY REALLY want to, but certainly not just coz the guy wants it!)
most men (hypocritically) tend to think that if a girl gives then sex too easily she is not worth knowing afterwards.
in short - don't get a reputation for yourself
x
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