A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I just needed a reality check I guess. I have the most wonderful boyfriend imaginable. I simply dont feel good enough for him most of the time. He has a lot more ambition and drive, discipline, talent and brains than I ever could. I have no clue what he sees in me. On top of his vast superiority over me, I can't seem to pull out of this rut I've been in since shortly after we started dating. He takes care of almost everything. From bills to cooking. I am pretty worthless and although in my heart he makes me want to be a better person, I haven't become any better. I've gotten worse. Its like I'm sabotaging the relationship because I don't feel worthy or am I just a lazy bum mooching off him because he lets me? He doesnt complain much but I know it has got be getting frustrating for him. I think maybe I need to hear it from someone else, he'll never say anything to harsh. I dont know, I just feel like jerk. Thanks
View related questions:
ambition Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): This is the OP and I just wanted to thank you all for the good advice from the ladies and some insight from the guys. This help a lot. Thank you all again. (note: please post this! Its me honest. Thanks)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): I already tried this but, Thia is the OP and I just wanted to thank you all for the good advice from themladies and some insight from the guys. This help a lot. Thank you all again. (note: please post this! Its me honest. Thanks)
...............................
A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (21 January 2012):
Is he SAYING anything to you that makes you feel less than you are? Like, is he saying "I wish you would be smarter, prettier, etc" or "I am better at this than you". If so, this is bad.But if its just his actions of wanting to take care of everything for you that are making you feel bad, then don't worry about him too much.You already won his love by being yourself. If it is a matter of contributing to the relationship, then I can understand why you want balance. Tell him you want to contribute something back for all the wonderful things he does. Or just do it.Don't compare your value to him. Measure your success by your own standards.And ask him why he likes to be with you. You may offer him something he cannot do for himself, or make him feel a way no other woman has.I dated a millionaire once while I was a poor bachelor. I made her feel a way that none of her other rich friends did.You have value to him. You may just not know what it is.Lastly, if he does not allow you to contribute at all and tries to prevent it, gets upset about your trying to contribute, then you will never be happy, sorry to say.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 January 2012):
 Oh don't be too sure that it is sooo frustrating to him. If it were, he'd stop doing it, or he'd be much more forceful in asking you to pull your weight. Basically.. people always do what they WANT to do, even if consciously they don't even realize it.
I am not doubting that your bf is a wonderful person, I am sure he is. But I bet that like most overachievers he has deep down this nagging doubt that,after all, he is not all that, and he must keep proving himself wrong. And what better way, than becoming Mr. Do-it-all, know-it-all,-take-care-of-everything to an ( apparently ) needy, helpless partner.
If you should become all of a sudden efficient, independent, ambitious... I am not sure he'd be that happy:)
But, the point is not what makes him happy, as wonderful as he is. The point is what makes YOU happy. Apparently being so passive and inactive does not make you happy, so that needs to change. Start by figuring out something you'd like to accomplish ( there must be something, everybody has desires , unless they are severely depressed ). It can be anything, from something important like getting back in school,- to something mundane like straightening up all your drawers and closets. Then break the objective into baby steps, no more than you can manage each day. The important is that you get unstuck, that you set energies in motion, and once you have integrated this in your daily life you'd feel more competent and motivated , and this will help you begin living your relationship as one between equals ( even if your income levels may remain different , of course ) and not as a parent/ child one.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (21 January 2012):
 It isn't your boyfriends responsibility to make you a better person. You sound as if you have very low self esteem...maybe you need to examine why you are like that?
Having such a wonderful boyfriend should inspire you to step up to the mark...perhaps he is doing a little too much for you and you need to tell him that you would like to do more for yourself.
Do something positive for the relationship, cook a meal, treat him to a night out or ask to take charge of some of the bills...something to prove you can contribute.
He must see something special in you or else he wouldn't be with you but if you flood everything with negativity and apathy, the future doesn't look good.
Reality check: Imagine yourself making absolutely no changes and in a years time he gets so fed up with you, he leaves you for someone more motivated.
or
Imagine that you use the positive energy to really work hard and make improvements and you discover that he sees you as the love of his life.
The choice is yours.
...............................
|
