A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This guy and I parted ways a little more than a month ago, not because we had issues but because we both are now living in different countries. I talk to him often, and I miss him all the time (and sometimes it makes me want to cry). I think he misses me too. However, I know we can't be together, because: 1. I don't want have a long distant relationship (and I don't think he does either) 2. We both are at difference stages of our lives and he lives in another country. Currently I am traveling, and I'm in Italy. One of the most romantic countries in the world, and I have all these Italian guys trying to take me out, but all I can think of is that I feel guilty for having fun with these guys. I feel like I'm cheating on my ex. We weren't together for a very long time, but we spent a lot of them together before I started my travels. We talk often, and he always wants to hear about my adventures. And I'm very happy every chance I get to talk to him. So I talked to him yesterday and I confessed about how I feel about seeing other guys, and he told me he feels the same (that he's cheating on me) and doesn't want to see anyone right now. He admitted that he doesn't like the idea of me dating other people, but sooner or later he knows I'm going to, and said he " will still love me. As a friend." But if he had the opportunity to date me again, he wouldn't refuse it. This is the first time he ever used the word "love" with me. Should I just treat this as a friendly love or is it that he loves me? Any advice on how I could move on without feeling the guilt? I wish we could be other, but things just don't work out that way for us.He admitted that he misses me yesterday also, and I'm usually the one that says it, but he said it multiple times yesterday.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I tend to agree with mamajade. You are not handing this that well, in my view. Make up your mind. You said you don't want to have an LDR- then don't have one, as long as you keep communicating back and forth, I love you I miss you I think of you- it IS a relationship, it is a bond, albeit a useless one with no happy ending in sight.
If you really love and miss him that much, talk to him and see if you can work out something to reconnect at some point. If this is totally out of the table, - then be sensible and move on. I don't mean that you have to cut him off totally, ( it would be best, though ), but bring things to a much less intimate , more neutral/friendly level : some " greetings from Rome " postcard will be enough.
As for your "guilt " for not having fun with the Italian guys- hey , having fun is not mandatory by law. Every kind of fun is fun precisely because it is optional and freely chosen and you feel like having it- if you don't feel like it, don't force yourself , it would be quite stupid !
It is just temporary, it takes some time to digest a loss or a break up . Be patient. If you don't keep picking at the scabs as you are doing now , in a few months you will already feel better, and in a year you will be ready to frolic with a platoon of feisty Romans or lusty Neapolitans ! ( personally, I would suggest you Florentines : they are all so charming and elegant:).
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I assume you feel guilty because you still both talk frequently and you have feelings for each other, so therefore talking to other men is like you are cheating on him. I would reccomend either 2 options.
One would be to try to do the long distance relationship. You both clearly really care for each other, why not even try it?
Or two, if you really don't want to do the LDR then stop talking to him for awhile. Every time you talk your feelings are rushing back and making you not want to move on. If you really want to date other people then you need to stop talking to him and move on.
You can't have such an emotional relationship to a man while dating other men at the same time. It pretty much is cheating. One will have to give, and since you aren't willing to date him long distance he will be the one to go. It's like getting over any ex, you can't move on when you still talk to them all the time, especially about how you feel towards each other.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I know the saying is "distance makes the heart grow fonder" perhaps this being apart or this not being with eachother has been able to give you the chance to truly understand and know your feelings for one another.
I mean obviously you have said you don't want a long distance thing but if you guys are feeling so strongly maybe there is a way you guys can meet half way type thing.
It's all very well saying he loves you and things like that but are you both willing to make the long distance thing work is that something you feel you guys can achieve together?
If so then go for it you guys clearly have something going and the distances between you have obviously made you guys realise there isn't anyone else for you.
Try talking about it see what happens see if you guys can make a long distance thing work or whether you guys have another idea.
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A
female
reader, MamaJade +, writes (13 September 2012):
 I think you both are just hurting yourselves. You both know the relationship isnt going anywhere..plus if you both really loved&missed eachother distance wouldnt matter but the thought of seeing eachother again would. Long distance relationships are hard but do work if both people are ready to commit.
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