A
female
age
51-59,
*happ
writes:i beeen with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years, he is on cocaine, but trying very hard to hold hide it, anyway he was living with me, and it was a nightmare from hell, finally he left in jan 2012, been gone since, we still saw each other, but it was still terible, he broke up with me 6 days ago, no contact, from me either. its very hard and painful, i am trying so hard to let it be over, i never imagine drugs had this type of effect. he treated me horrible. i think it cocaine that has caused this, or another woman. i just want to keep going. i want to stay strong and be done with the devil and its madness. help plz.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 It must be tough, but hang in there, it's for the best.
Cokeheads can't make decent partners. Cocaine is called " the selfish drug " you know ? Well, all drug use of course is about doing something pleasurable for yourself- but apparently cocaine is the ace for chemically dulling feelings of empathy and affection for other people , while exceedingly reinforcing self appreciation. For those 20 to 40 minutes that the hit will last, you just love yourself like crazy. The problem is, in time, with constant use, you become capable of loving ONLY yourself.
A
female
reader, shapp +, writes (13 September 2012):
shapp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI aLL,
thank you so much for your responses. i needed that, i dont even regonize him, its hard and hurts terribly, but i am going to keep being strong and move on. sometimes i just need to express myself and talk.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (13 September 2012):
Ten years ago, I was introduced to cocaine. It quickly became a crutch as I tried to work 2 part time jobs while attending college full time. In a matter of weeks, I went from using on the weekends to using regularly. Then, I needed it just to get out of bed. In a span of four months, I went from not liking it at all, to doing an 8-ball a day...by myself. I was so sleep deprived that I couldn't function at all without it, and it was close to killing me. I didn't care either. At the end, I was hoping my heart (which wasn't beating right anymore) would just stop. I was numb from the drug.
When I met my now fiance, he was actively addicted to meth. We became incredibly close very quickly. Within two weeks of us meeting, he made me stop using (he woke me up scared as hell because he heard my heart just stop beating while i was asleep). I told him the only way I would quit was if he gave up meth. We recovered together and have been together 8.5 years.
Our story is not typical. When someone is using, they feel alone. They tend to only associate with people who understand...dealers and other users. There is an overwhelming sense of shame that comes with being addicted to a drug. There is an anxiety that comes with not just being able to stop using. Someone who is abusing stimulants may be severely sleep deprived and have an underlying and untreated mental health condition (like depression, anxiety, or adhd) that makes getting through the day without the drug seem like an impossible feat. As the addiction worsens, it seems easier to abandon the people who care about you instead of trying to make an effort to keep relationships going.
Only other addicts truly understand how the bitter depths of addiction affect a person. This is why there are programs like AA and NA available to help those who are ready to quit and take the necessary steps to rebuild their lives.
As far as you boyfriend is concerned. It is time for you to move forward in your life. He chose a drug and the drug lifestyle over a relationship with you. Nothing you could do or say would have any impact on him. This is not by any means something you should beat yourself up about. It is just an expression of the power this drug holds over him. He can only change once he has accepted that he has a problem. This is the first step towards recovery and a step that the addict must take alone.
If/when he begins to work of his recovery, he may contact you. If/when that happens, you can decide whether you want to try again. But don't wait for him and don't try to contact him. Let yourself heal.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 September 2012):
Your bf may be addicted to cocaine , but .. perhaps you are addicted to him.
Read what you have written to us : you were living together and it was hell, he moved out and it still was terrible, now he has disappeared and it's hell again.
It sounds like this guy is neither willing nor able to make you happy or at least not unhappy, whether he is present or absent. But , you keep wanting him- why? are you addicted to unhappiness ? Then, you might want to work on your adddiction, not his...
I know I know : " but he would be such a great guy , such a perfect partner, IF ONLY he was not on cocaine... " Could be. But, it is what it is ; he IS on cocaine right now, and like all addicted or just regular users, he won't stop using just because you want him to stop. No way. If one day he gets fed up and decides that drugs are messing up his life, then maybe he'll stop.
In the meantime, think about protecting yourself , and building your happiness and peace of mind, which, clearly, you can't have with this guy. Stay strong, good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): He needs professional help. If he is using drugs then he needs to go to a professional to get help to stop using them, but even then, you can't help someone who won't or doesn't want to do it themself.
I know it's hard but you have to realize that you're better off without this side of him in your life. Try to move on, it's okay to still love/care for him, just don't enable him.
Perhaps seek a professional for an intervention, that's what we had to do with my mother and even then it was too late.
I hope this helps hun.
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